12.8.2015

I have done some soul searching, or perhaps I should say, libido searching, the past couple of days.

Like you most likely remember, last month was rather peculiar experience for me. Quite suddenly and out of the blue I was constantly horny and suffering from intense waves of ecstasy and frustration.

I have tried to figure out what must have triggered it, by putting it into the day count context.

When I first ended up trying out a wank ban with a help form a female friend, it lasted for a week. At that time I was used to having an ejaculation daily, and the week seemed like an eternity. By the time I got to six days, the slightest visual stimulation made my limp penis twitch in my pants.

In the summer of 2013 I ended up breaking that record and stayed chaste for almost four weeks, something that seemed staggering at the time. Even though I was horny as hell the whole time, I would have liked to continue the ban, just to see how long I could last.

When I reached the same day count a few months later there was no one to say no, so I continued the ban on my own, and reached 497 days, before my first slip-up, resulting a very uncomfortable ruined orgasm.

In a way that ended the chastity period, even though I decided to continue, my ban as well as counting the days. I rationalized it by thinking that it wasn't like I had decided to cum, my body had. And yes, the first of November 2013 still marks the last time I orgasmed by my own free will.  

At the time the ban had lasted about six months I noticed I could wank quite safely, without the danger of cumming. Truth to tell, I could do it for hours and hours. That must have led me to overconfidence.

After that I have completed chastity periods of 73 and 53 days. The first of the two ended in the presence of my Queen, and the latter by the unfortunate slip-up that took place last month, after weeks of extreme horniness and conscious teasing and testing myself.

After the first slip up I was, for several days, very irritable and short-tempered, something I have afterwards understood, were side-effects of being horny again. However, after second ejaculation, that took place after 73 days the effect wasn't nearly as intense.

So, when my born-again horniness, one could say, appeared in the beginning of last month, about 40 days after the last ejaculation, it really was quite unexpected. It just appeared from somewhere.

And like I've told you, the function of my body didn't seem to follow any logic otherwise either. I was able to reach the edge level after a minute long very, very slow stroking, and when my slip-up finally happened, my penis started spurting sperm when I wasn't even touching it.    

When my Queen made me cum in the beginning of this month, the counter marking my cum-free days had reached 11 days. Considering what had happened during the previous month, both of us naturally hoped I would return to my over-horny state. Unfortunately that hasn't happened.

Don't get me wrong. The teasing Queen gave to me last weekend felt great and I'm deeply grateful to her for it. However, considering the fact that at that point the day count was about the same than at the time of my previous ejaculation, I should have been more horny. And I do mean about-to-cum-in-my-pants horny.

During the last few days I have consciously tried to find that same horniness, same ecstasy and frustration that so much dominated my last month, but with very little success. The feeling of orgasmic build-up, the rising ecstasy that washes over you like a wave, but never the actual release, only agonizing frustration. I miss it.

Like I said, I have done some libido searching the past couple of days. That has included browsing through erotic images and other material, contemplating my inability to wank, or cum without a permission, wearing very little or loose clothing, even different stimulation techniques that can't be called actual wanking, but none of it hasn't triggered the horniness.

Even the weather is perfect. That is, in the beginning of last month the rising temperature and summer seemed to have an effect on me. This time, despite the fact that heat wave is supposed to last another two weeks, there's... nothing. Only very faint stirring.
  

One can only hope it returns to me some day. At the moment it seems it's either gone away, or is locked up somewhere deep inside me.