I have often said it is difficult for me to make a post on my blog if I feel there is nothing new to tell about my non-existent sexual life. However, now there is, so there is time for an update.
Like I have hinted at in my previous updates, I was recently in charge of a pretty big project that took all my time for several months in advance, and took place this summer. The stress caused by the project was a considerable one, and it ended up having an effect to my cumming, as well.
One could say I slipped bit by bit into having almost a normal cumming schedule. Being horny and frustrated is fun, but with the project like that to take care of I found it easier to cum whenever being chaste became too hard to handle.
An orgasm once in two weeks, or once a week made it possible for me to concentrate on other things than sex. For a normal male the cumming schedule wouldn't have been a reckless one, but for me it was. I did my best to keep the number to an absolute minimum, though.
Finally, at the end July I realized enough is enough, and decided to stop cumming until further notice. I was sick and tired of cumming, and wanted my orgasms to mean something again.
However, there was another thing affecting me at that point. As I said, the project took all my energy for several months, and after it was completed I suffered a minor burnout I'm still struggling to get over. For several weeks it was incredibly hard for me to get anything done, especially things having to do with my vanilla life.
Inefficiency in my vanilla life meant I became extremely active as the kinky me in social media. It was so nice, and so much fun to interact with fellow sissies and other people to whom I was merely Simone, and with whom I could forget my other life, filled with responsibilities.
This in turn resulted into lot of masturbating. After all, I had stopped cumming, but not wanking off, or edging. There was times I could use whole days, 20 hours a day or more, by pulling my limp little clit. This doesn't sound healthy, and I admit it wasn't. But it was fun.
I am unsure whether my impotence had to do with it, but on occasions I felt I was able to reach the most enjoyable edging state only after I had pulled my clit for 5 to 10 hours. Also my clit reached a whole new state of limpness at that point, making masturbating more and more enjoyable, which in turn made it almost impossible to stop it.
Naturally I had to be very careful and keep myself as far away from the actual edge as possible, to prevent accidents I knew edging a limp dick for hours might cause. At the same time I had to keep myself sufficiently horny for the edging be frustrating enough, and for me to be beyond the limit of any rational thinking.
The fact that I don't work and live alone meant I could dedicate all my waking hours to edging. I usually have my Tumblr constantly open when I'm at home, which provides me a steady feed of erotic images to look at or to edge to occasionally. Wearing any clothes around the house started to feel unnecessary.
At that point I had also developed quite a taste for wanking in the nude, which isn't always the case with me. Now, however, I felt that edging while being nude or only in my thigh high striped socks, which make me feel girly and sexy, somehow made it easier to give myself fully to what I was doing.
There was even occasions during which I put my old invention of wanking mirrors into use. As I was masturbating sixth hour in a row, and watching myself from two big square mirrors on both sides of my computer screen, my form brightly lit by the desk lamp, I had trouble understanding why I had ever stopped using them.
It took me a while to realize I had developed a masturbation addiction. But being able to cut it was another thing entirely. The more I tried to take control of my vanilla life, and start taking care of my responsibilities again, the more I realized how much more fun it was to play with myself.
I tried to maintain my social life, which I had neglected somewhat, since it felt harder and harder to leave home. When I did, everything and everybody around me started to annoy me, and many times I found myself thinking how much more fun it would be at home wanking.
On one such occasion I came home late at night, got immediately rid of all my clothes, started edging and kept doing so up until dawn. Because I had just had some normal social life, I thought to myself. I had spent several hours with my friends, and was entitled now to have some fun, right?
A week ago I finally I realized I have to put extreme methods into use. I own a couple of chastity cages, but I have never used them more than a few hours at a time. With me being single and in charge of my own chastity they have never served the same function they may have with a sub who is locked up and owned.
Now, however, I realized locking myself up was the only possible choice. By this point I already had a huge amount of piled tasks to take care of, and if I didn't do them, I would be in big trouble. This in turn seemed impossible for me as long as I had access to my clit.
I had the cage on for 48 hours the first time around, and during the first 24 of them I managed to get more things done I had during the previous six weeks put together. It seemed my nightmare was over, or at least I had found a way out of it.
I even started to think how amazing it would be ti have it on a whole week, and bit by bit develop a same kind of fetish to it than to not cumming. Having a one around my genitals would soon feel normal to me and I would feel naked without one. The idea of becoming a "real" chastity slave excited and turned me on.
Having the cage on for such a long time meant also that I had to have it on outside the house. I had never done that, because I had felt having it on while meeting my friends meant somehow I would be subjecting them to my fetish, that it would even be seen as a sexual abuse of some kind.
What resulted was much less sexual than I had anticipated. It seems that erotic fiction has highly exaggerated the effect something like that may have. Sure, I did feel quite a freak realizing what I was doing, but more than erotic the experience was merely uncomfortable, and occasionally painful.
After I came home I checked how my testicles were doing and got a bit of a scare. The skin on them was quite pale and the capillaries looked much darker than I remembered. After all, my cage is a cheap Chinese knock-off with no possibility to adjust the ring.
So I decided to remove the cage and put it on again in the morning. It was kind of bummer, I admit, because I was already looking forward to going into bed with it. However, this was a good trial run, I thought, and I would put it on again in the morning.
I woke up extremely horny the next morning, my little clit hard as rock. I decided I had earned a bit of playing with myself. I would put the cage on later, and perhaps have it on a day longer this time, I thought. Before even putting anything on or eating I turned my computer on and started to work on the erotic story I have been writing.
Seven hours later I was still sitting in front of the computer, naked, my limp clit in my hand, clothespins on my nipples and quite unable to stop. It seemed my nemesis the edging monster had returned, and was now filled with rage for being made captive, and wanted now either to have a revenge, or remind me what kind of power it had on me.
Fortunately I finally got a female on-line friend to order me to stop and put the cage back on. I was so grateful she did, because I fear I would have been unable to do it otherwise.
This time stuffing the little thing in took more doing than usual, since all the pulling and edging had created, not an actual erection but a light swelling. As I turned the key and locked the thing, there was a nice sensation of extreme tightness that I enjoyed. The beast was locked, once again.
During the next few days I made interesting discoveries. One such was after another equally active day away from home, involving bicycling, bending, stretching and sitting in challenging positions long periods of time. A little after I'd had the cage on for 24 hours I went to a public toilet to check how my testicles are doing.
Again I noticed the capillaries looked much darker than usually. It seemed if I'm around the house my testicles can take several days in the cage. However, if the day involves a lot of strain to them they start to look unhealthy.
What's unfortunate is the fact that at that point I had already developed quite a fascination with being locked up, more so I would have ever believed possible. Having the cage on makes me feel incredibly emasculated, restrained and safe, all feelings I love.
As you all know, I have a very small penis, which means I have had to get myself even smaller cage for it. The cage has no room for growth whatsoever, and pressing the limp member into a space that's only the third of its stretched length is a wonderful one. Almost as wonderful as closing the lock.
I also like how my genitals feel while being locked up. Instead of a loose, big skin sack and my small member wobbling about, the cage makes them a tight ball, a little package that is fun hold in one's hand occasionally.
Even going to bed while having the cage on feels incredibly sexy. Having nothing but cage on seems somehow to turn me on, and on several nights I have felt my little clit pulsating lightly, almost as if it realized it's caged, and wanted to get free.
The best part, however, are the nights, or rather the mornings. As you all know, my penis hasn't ever gotten hard in sexual situations, and the only time it does so nowadays is during my sleep. However, with the tight cage on it is unable to do so.
The past week I have learned to love waking up in the early hours of the morning by the feeling of fullness, as my excuse for a penis tries desperately to get hard. I love my morning erections, make no mistake about that, but even more than that I love the uncomfortable feeling of not being able to get hard creates.
You should see my expression on those moments. "Try all you want", I usually sigh in my sleep, with a wide smile on my face. "You're not getting hard. Poor thing..."
I didn't want to lose all those little things I had learned to love.
I thought about my dilemma long at hard after I had gotten home and unlocked myself, and finally came up with a solution. I knew I had two similarly active days ahead, so it would make no sense to try wearing the cage during them.
However, what if I wore the cage during the night, and didn't take it off before having to go out the next day, and then put it back immediately after returning home? Could this even become my new daily routine? I could take the cage off whenever I go outside, to save my testicles from excessive strain, but keep myself locked at all times when I'm at home?
This has, in fact, been my routine the past few days. The only exception has been the time I have been writing this blog post. I somehow feel that writing my blog posts without masturbating at the same time just wouldn't be right.
After all, I do want my blog posts to expose and reveal my sexual me as bare as possible, and just the way it is with my erotic fiction, I feel that only pulling my limp clit gives them the right feel. Openness I hope you, the readers of my blog like.
And speaking of erotic fiction, my edging spree did have one positive result. Because of it I ended writing an erotic short story I mentioned earlier. It is called "The Bus Encounter", and I think it's my hottest one yet.
I got inspiration to it during a real life bus journey in August. Some of the things that happen in the story did take place in real life, but I will let you figure out which. I have made no attempts hiding who the protagonist in the story is. It's me, pure and simple.
One of the themes included in the story is impotence. I thought long and hard whether I should include it or not, and even wrote a version without it, for the story to be more identifiable for public audience.
However, I finally decided to make the protagonist impotent. Mainly, because there is very little such erotica around, and also because it was easier for me to write him such, being impotent myself.
Other themes included in the story are foot worship, public masturbation, verbal humiliation and bladder play. I hope you enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it.