Monday, July 11, 2016


It's been a while since my latest blog post, so I thought it would be a high time for update of some sort. In fact I pondered a long time what to tell in this update. The thing is, kinky wise, sexual wise or even relationship wise the past month and a half has been a rather quiet one. 

One reason for this has been the fact I've been rather busy due to a couple of literary projects, as well as doing things for an event me and my Queen both attended. My Queen on the hand started working as soon as the projects were wrapped up, so there has been very few chances for us to spend time together.

It also seems the honeymoon phase when it comes to our relationship is over. During the last few months we have ended up in a series of little fights, or at least constant bickering, which is as energy consuming as it is unfortunate. We had nothing like this last summer, for example.  

We have analyzed this and realized the year and a half we've been together is roughly the same amount of time they say it takes the endorphin high caused by falling in love, to last. So it may be just chemistry, and suddenly the features in the other person start to annoy us more and more.

Therefore it is very unfortunate that at the same my Queen has felt very sexless. According to her she doesn't even feel horny most of the time, not even when she decides to masturbate. She says she could just as well not be masturbating, but decides to do it occasionally since it feels good. 

Even our diligent book keeping of her orgasms has therefore suffered. Truth to tell, I'm a bit unsure what to do with it. When we started it over a year ago it was supposed to do a fun thing, but now it seems to me bringing it up would only cause my Queen anxiety, and pressuring her is the last thing I want to do.

Her libido indeed seems to be going to sleep. Few weeks back we tried a bit of fooling around, after weeks and weeks of inactivity. Everything seemed to go well, when my Queen suddenly told me she had lost the feeling completely, and asked me to stop. So yes, sexual wise it's doesn't look good.    

This has of course also caused that she has become even less interested about my sexual frustration. Big round numbers have passed without her even noticing it. She has said to me it's hard for her to get interested about my horniness when her own orgasms are so trivial to her. She simply doesn't understand how it would be possible for someone to be all the time as horny as I seem to be.

The thing is, my libido on the other hand seems to be very alive and on the overdrive. The season we're having currently here in Finland isn't something one could call a hot sexy summer. In fact there has been almost as many chilly and rainy periods there has been periods of heat.

Even that amount of heat, however, seems to be enough to keep very aroused most of the time. Wearing only boxer shorts made out of very thin fabric and a sleeveless t-shirt, which is not only possible but also necessary during the hot days in my apartment, helps in staying horny, as does keeping one's naughty Tumblr open when I'm at my computer.

I have also continued collecting, photoshopping and uploading images on Captionable Fantasies, since that way I get the feeling at least something is happening in my sex life. Photoshopping photos of beautiful women so that other people can use them in doing chastity captions? Yes, I know. I'm weird.  

I admit that I am consciously trying to keep my sex drive alive. After all, as I'm writing this it's been eight and a half months of complete cumlessness. I've been in a similar situation before, and I do know libido can fall asleep. This time I'm trying actively to prevent it by giving the brain enough stimulus while I'm awake. I'm just surprised how well it seems to be working. 
Among other things this has all resulted into very strong morning erections. In fact for couple of weeks now I have had a rock hard erection every single morning. As incredible it is, sometimes they seem to last for hours. As soon as I get up they go away, though.  

A few days ago, for example I had the hottest wake-up call I've had in a long, long while. 

Before I had gotten into bed I had watched a couple of tease and denial videos, in which the poor blokes had been masturbated by a cruel lady. She had stopped long before the guys could cum, after which they had naturally tried to get some sort of friction by desperately humping the lady's hand, but only getting laughed at in return.

All of this went straight into my dream. In the dream my Queen was masturbating my hard cock. This should have been enough to tell me it was a dream, since a) my penis does not get hard in situations like that, and b) my Queen doesn't have a habit of doing anything like that. In the dream, however, she was, after informing me she had no intention of actually letting me cum.

I remember being somewhere between the dream and the waking world, squirming behind the sheets and realizing I had a raging erection. I was very turned on and had a very strong desire to cum. I recall whimpering a bit, almost as if what was taking place in the dream had actually been happening. It was hot beyond belief.

I even remember thinking that if I somehow went over the edge and had an "accident" it wouldn't be that bad, since I had no way of stopping it from happening, and it would take place after I had been thinking of my Queen. After I woke up I was very aroused, and remained that way most of the day. I also knew I wanted to tell about it to my Queen at the first opportunity, as we met later that day.

Naturally my Queen couldn't have cared less about my dream. In fact, when I brought the subject up again after a few days she said what I had told had been a very disturbing to hear, since it is something she wouldn't do in real life.

I have also seen a lot more dreams about myself masturbating than I usually do. More than I've ever had in my life, in fact. In the dreams I have somehow "forgotten" my ban, and am wanking off, usually since it serves some significant function in the dream. 

Usually I'm just about to cum in the dream, as I suddenly remember my ban, and that I'm supposed to keep my seed inside my testicles, and I stop. It seems not being allowed to cum is such an integral part of my personality I'm unable and unwilling to cum even if was only in a dream.

I also realized recently that in a couple of weeks' time it will be exactly one thousand days since I stopped masturbating and ejaculating whenever I felt like it. My faithful readers know that ejaculate has escaped from my testicles on eight instances during that time. But as for masturbating on my own, it been history for me since November 2013.

I feel I should celebrate it some way. Ejaculating is naturally out of the question, since I want 2016 to be completely cum free year for me, just as 2014 was, and to break my old 497 day record next spring. I'm at 231 days at the moment.

I know I  could beg my Queen for a permission to edge myself on that day, but I would have to be extra careful and not let myself cum. I wouldn't blame her if she decided not to grant me the permission even if I did decide to beg for it. Quite frankly, being as horny as I am, even I don't trust my body the slightest bit.

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