My Queen and I ended up having a quarrel of sorts. It wasn't an actual fight, since we don't seem to do them, merely a silly little thing that got out of proportion. Or as it turned out, certain things that are not well in out relationship manifested themselves in the quarrel.
I ended up being in a sour mood, and to resolve things I wrote a long message to my Queen and explained how I felt about certain things, and how certain situations made me feel. Somehow it seems our age difference manifests itself in odd ways.
We saw each other the next day and after an awkward and tense beginning my Queen said that it may be that some things that have caused her anxiety and bothered her lurked behind our little quarrel, as well.
The things in question have, not surprisingly, to do with her sexual preference. It seems she keeps having erotic dreams about women, of which she wakes up feeling extremely guilty. She also has fantasies about women, and by having them she feels she is doing great injustice towards me.
It didn't take long for her to start crying uncontrollably in my arms, and using up a tissue after tissue, as I held her and tried to console her. I kept saying her I don't mind her dreams or fantasies, and they are not something she should feel guilty about.
It was quite a strenuous night. We talked the thing through in an adult manner, or at least I think we did. Among other things I did say to her that even though I love her very much I don't want to hurt her by keeping her mine, and causing her anxiety that way.
On the other hand we went over and over how I don't want to lose her, and how she doesn't want to lose me. Like I said, it was very strenuous, and I was extremely tired the next day and the one after that. These are huge things, after all.
I also told her that I am not going to lie to her. I am not crazy about the idea she likes women's bodies more than mine. Still, I am not threatened by her erotic desires. I am, however, understandably so I think, threatened by the idea that she develops crush on someone and leaves me.
We also went over and over the fact that we both seemed to think we're not enough for each other, something the other person would deserve. According to her I'm the perfect boyfriend she doesn't deserve, and I kept saying I can't believe my luck finding a girl like her, and that I constantly fear she will find someone better.
After much crying and talking I think I finally got through to her that she doesn't have to feel guilty about her fantasies. As long as she's happy with me that is. And it seems the talk indeed had positive effects. At least according to her she has felt better the past few days. And that is all that matters to me.
In fact, as it turned out, I am not only okay with the idea my Queen has fantasies about women. It seems I... well, get turned on by them. It seemed my Queen didn't quite know what to think about this, feeling both amused and puzzled. I on the other hand felt very ashamed by my reaction and had to hide my face in her bosom, saying I didn't have right to feel the way I did.
And before some of you start suggesting threesomes, I want to emphasize that despite our age difference we're both rather inexperienced in sex, and we both feel things like that would be simply too much in this situation.
Even though it wasn't our plan my Queen ended up spending the night at my place. We were both so exhausted. When we were cuddling in the bed, either that night or the next morning, I brought up something my Queen had said previously.
As you may remember, in my last post I told you how I had found out my Queen actually dislikes the idea of me cumming, and how I got turned on about it. There has been occasions after that during which thinking about the fact has made so horny, my balls so alive it has felt I could almost cum in my pants.
At one time we had been together she had taunted me verbally and said, with a joking tone, that who knows, she may not let me orgasm the whole year. I told her now how I had thought about the little conversation a lot afterwards, and how I had gotten turned on about the idea.
I asked her now had she actually meant it? My Queen chuckled and told that yes, she had said it because she knows how much I liked to hear it. Then she kept a little pause and continued: "Well, it's not my number one fantasy... But yes, I must admit I wouldn't mind if you didn't cum this year at all".
At that moment I nearly fainted with happiness. I hadn't felt that glorious in ages. I held her, kissed her, and said how much I loved her that moment. She seemed puzzled and amused, as usual.
Those of you who follow me on Facebook noticed that very quickly after that I made a cover picture out of what she had said. To her it hadn't been a life-changing moment, but for me, it had been. I wanted to cherish and remember it forever.
On a couple of occasions my Queen has said there has been times she has questioned the way her head works, and whether what she feels is wrong, or something too awful. But then she sees how much I like to hear it, and how happy it makes me.
She's a woman who doesn't like to have intercourse, I'm a man who can't have intercourse. I'm a man who gets off on the idea of being forbid to cum, she is a woman who doesn't like the idea of her boyfriend cumming. Who can say we are not perfect for each other?
Naturally I thanked my Queen by masturbating her to a nice orgasm. I have sometimes discussed my blog posts with my Queen, and on occasions she have said the way I describe her in my posts is a bit curious, merely by mentioning things like that at the end of the post. The reason for it of course is that I have merely tried to protect her privacy.
This time, however there really isn't that much to tell. It was all in all very... efficient. To get her really in the mood I had to use my verbal skills and describe her a scenario I hoped that would do the trick. I'm proud to say it worked, even though I apologized afterwards it was so clichéd. "Sometimes clichéd isn't so bad", she reassured me, as she lay next to me recovering from her orgasm.
I have been extremely happy the past few days, more happy than anyone should have a right to be, I think. And merely because my girlfriend has just said she wants to deny me orgasms this year. Because she wants to keep our calendar neat, and consisting only of chaste days. I'm weird, I know.