As you may
remember, two days ago I explained how I had experienced a couple of curious
orgasmic spasms, as I was edging, but no ejaculation. That should have been a
warning sign, but since I've been able to edge my limp dick quite safely for
almost a year now, I thought it was merely an isolated incident.
However,
two days ago, quite fittingly on Friday the 13th, something I thought was
impossible finally happened. Prior to this I had been edging myself for hours,
like I usually do and was trying different methods, as well as places to do it.
I had
thought it would be a nice change of pace to masturbate a little while in front
of a full length mirror in my apartment, simply for the humiliation aspect. I
did so, and while I was already walking away, well... it started happening. A
wave of orgasmic sensations washed over me, with me being unable to do anything
about it, and my limp dick spurted sperm out of it as I walked and just looked
at it with horror.
I think
it's needless to say I was devastated. I couldn't understand how my body could
have betray me like this, after all this time. After exactly 71 weeks, I might
add. I was mad at my body, and to myself, for not stopping sooner. For so long
being the one who does not cum had defined me, and suddenly my life seemed to
lost meaning.
Counting
days of my chastity, one of the few pleasures in my life, seemed to lost it
meaning as well. No longer I was able to say that even though I had some sort of
ecstatic experienced I hadn't actually cummed. What use was there anymore to
count the days?
After
thinking the matter over thoroughly, and having discussed it with several
people I have reached a conclusion.
What I
experienced is something that is generally called a "ruined orgasm",
an accidental discharge of semen. It wasn't like I had decided to cum, and
enjoy it, in a way masturbating male enjoys a full, satisfying orgasm. It gave
me no pleasure whatsoever, rather the opposite. I felt only shock, horror,
shame and disappointment.
Therefore I
have decided to mark it and the strange ecstatic experience two days prior
black in my cum diary, as accidental ruined orgasms and continue with my
current counter. November the first, 2013 remains the last time one could say I
have had a full satisfying orgasm last time.
Neither do
I have any desire to start cumming again like a normal man. If anything, the
unsatisfying experience has made my resolution even stronger.
It may also
interest some of you following my project, that those little spurts of
ejaculate seem to have an effect on my behavior. After the incident I have
been very irritable and tense, snapped at people and lost my temper way too
easily.
At first I
thought it was because I was so mad at myself, but being tense hasn't passed,
and I realized it must have a link to my accident. In fact the effect has been
exactly the same every time I have started my cum bans on previous occasions,
after couple of days of cumlessness. On those occasions the ban has been
preceded with a period of being able to cum daily, but the effect is the same.
In fact I
realized very soon that me being this irritable is directly linked with me
being more horny than I have been in more time than I can possibly remember. In
fact it is rather hard to understand how I passed the early days of my cum ban,
if it felt like this. The constant throbbing sensation deep inside my testicles
and the desire to let them empty themselves is very intense and quite
overwhelming. The more so the more I think about the matter.
In a way my
testicles seem to be so much alive than they were mere days ago. The sight of a
beautiful woman has now totally different effect on me. I feel more much
vulnerable, much weaker, much more controlled by my libido. The fight not to
start masturbating is a constant one.
So, in a
way my very unfortunate accident may have actually been a blessing in disguise.
At least what I currently endure is more uncomfortable, stressful and agonizing
than anything I have experienced in a long, long time.
