As amazing as it is to believe it, it's now a year since this one happened:
chastediary.blogspot.fi/2015/07/2272015.html
"I have decided, on my own initiative, to stop experimenting on myself for now, since I do not like the direction where the series of experiments have led me. This will mean my libido and state of horniness will once again decrease, but in my opinion that is way more preferable option than the alternative. There is a chance ejaculating followed with period of complete chastity will have uncomfortable and frustrating results. I have a hope this will be the case. Only time will tell."
In other words, a year ago we decided with my girlfriend it would be a good idea for me to stop all kind of inappropriate touching of myself, masturbating, edging, everything. The reason was the fact I had had too many accidents teasing myself on my own, the last of which a day before my decision, Today is the one year anniversary of my complete chastity ban.
In fact I think this is the first time I have been in complete chastity this long. The thing is I am fairly certain it didn't take a full year for me to understand during my first long really long one (and so far the longest) cum ban that it was quite safe for me to edge, even though I had no intention of letting myself to cum. There have been nothing like that during the past year.
And no, even though there is a lock as an illustration for this post it is merely a symbolic lock. As my faithful readers know, I feel no need to wear a piece of plastic on my genitals to stay chaste, since the one I do this for is first and foremost myself. Therefore I do my chastity simply by will power. All it really take is a simple decision not to cum.
Originally I think our intention was that my Queen could make me cum occasionally, and that did happen a few times. All in all cum escaped my testicles eight times in 2015, the last of which in November, 2015. Of course at the time I didn't know it would be the last one, just as I didn't understand my orgasm in November 2013 would be the last one I would have by my own free will.
Over the course of this year I managed to postpone my orgasm further and further, until my Queen agreed in early spring it would be nice idea for me not to cum in 2016 at all. I think one factor in her decision was the fact she had realized being in contact, seeing or thinking of male penises was something she didn't want to do, after all.
Even though my Queen has now lost her interest or ability of teasing me physically or verbally, or actively participating in my chastity project altogether I do hope I will achieve going the whole year without an orgasm, just as I did in 2014. More accurately, I hope to break my record of 497 and reach full 500 days, which would be in spring 2017.
I admit it has crossed my mind whether it would be a good time to start edge myself again, after a full year of complete chastity. Considering my Queen has lost interest touching me at all, meaning my penis doesn't get any kind of attention at the moment. Naturally I would have to get her permission to do that.
But truth to tell, I am not sure whether that would be a good idea. First of all, I do hope to break my previous record this time and starting to play with myself may just ruin that completely. Secondly, I have lately noticed I have now been without touching myself for such a long time not doing this has become so natural for me, a second nature you might say.
There have been mornings I have been laying horny in bed, looking at my quickly shrinking penis after a morning erection, and considered what it would feel to start masturbating again. To take hold of it with two fingers like I used to do it, and start moving the soft skin up and down, feeling the testicles coming alive.
There have been even times I have tried to move my hand closer to my limp penis, but it has refused to move an inch. It's almost as if there's a safety switch in my brain, that says: "No. That would be wrong. It is not for you anymore". Many times I have just sighed and gotten out of the bed instead.
In other words, if I really did decide to start edging or masturbating again, let alone cumming, it would require a huge mental shift in my head first. I have conditioned myself not to cum for such a long time now my mind doesn't seem to be able to cope with the idea anymore.
In fact in a mere week's time I will get to celebrate another important day. On July the 28th 2016 it will be exactly 1000 days since November the first 2013, which was, like I said, the date I stopped masturbating whenever I felt like it.
In any case, it's not easy not to cum. Not cumming itself is a piece of cake. It's all these huge decisions that make it hard. In my case I have noticed the most working solution is not make any kind of decision.
Or, as a friend of mine once said when I was contemplating whether I should continue my chastity after one hundred days or so:
"I think you will decide to continue. Continuing would be the safest option. And you like it safe. I know you too well."
It's been a while since my latest blog post, so I thought it would be a high time for update of some sort. In fact I pondered a long time what to tell in this update. The thing is, kinky wise, sexual wise or even relationship wise the past month and a half has been a rather quiet one.
One reason for this has been the fact I've been rather busy due to a couple of literary projects, as well as doing things for an event me and my Queen both attended. My Queen on the hand started working as soon as the projects were wrapped up, so there has been very few chances for us to spend time together.
It also seems the honeymoon phase when it comes to our relationship is over. During the last few months we have ended up in a series of little fights, or at least constant bickering, which is as energy consuming as it is unfortunate. We had nothing like this last summer, for example.
We have analyzed this and realized the year and a half we've been together is roughly the same amount of time they say it takes the endorphin high caused by falling in love, to last. So it may be just chemistry, and suddenly the features in the other person start to annoy us more and more.
Therefore it is very unfortunate that at the same my Queen has felt very sexless. According to her she doesn't even feel horny most of the time, not even when she decides to masturbate. She says she could just as well not be masturbating, but decides to do it occasionally since it feels good.
Even our diligent book keeping of her orgasms has therefore suffered. Truth to tell, I'm a bit unsure what to do with it. When we started it over a year ago it was supposed to do a fun thing, but now it seems to me bringing it up would only cause my Queen anxiety, and pressuring her is the last thing I want to do.
Her libido indeed seems to be going to sleep. Few weeks back we tried a bit of fooling around, after weeks and weeks of inactivity. Everything seemed to go well, when my Queen suddenly told me she had lost the feeling completely, and asked me to stop. So yes, sexual wise it's doesn't look good.
This has of course also caused that she has become even less interested about my sexual frustration. Big round numbers have passed without her even noticing it. She has said to me it's hard for her to get interested about my horniness when her own orgasms are so trivial to her. She simply doesn't understand how it would be possible for someone to be all the time as horny as I seem to be.
The thing is, my libido on the other hand seems to be very alive and on the overdrive. The season we're having currently here in Finland isn't something one could call a hot sexy summer. In fact there has been almost as many chilly and rainy periods there has been periods of heat.
Even that amount of heat, however, seems to be enough to keep very aroused most of the time. Wearing only boxer shorts made out of very thin fabric and a sleeveless t-shirt, which is not only possible but also necessary during the hot days in my apartment, helps in staying horny, as does keeping one's naughty Tumblr open when I'm at my computer.
I have also continued collecting, photoshopping and uploading images on Captionable Fantasies, since that way I get the feeling at least something is happening in my sex life. Photoshopping photos of beautiful women so that other people can use them in doing chastity captions? Yes, I know. I'm weird.
I admit that I am consciously trying to keep my sex drive alive. After all, as I'm writing this it's been eight and a half months of complete cumlessness. I've been in a similar situation before, and I do know libido can fall asleep. This time I'm trying actively to prevent it by giving the brain enough stimulus while I'm awake. I'm just surprised how well it seems to be working.
Among other things this has all resulted into very strong morning erections. In fact for couple of weeks now I have had a rock hard erection every single morning. As incredible it is, sometimes they seem to last for hours. As soon as I get up they go away, though.
A few days ago, for example I had the hottest wake-up call I've had in a long, long while.
Before I had gotten into bed I had watched a couple of tease and denial videos, in which the poor blokes had been masturbated by a cruel lady. She had stopped long before the guys could cum, after which they had naturally tried to get some sort of friction by desperately humping the lady's hand, but only getting laughed at in return.
All of this went straight into my dream. In the dream my Queen was masturbating my hard cock. This should have been enough to tell me it was a dream, since a) my penis does not get hard in situations like that, and b) my Queen doesn't have a habit of doing anything like that. In the dream, however, she was, after informing me she had no intention of actually letting me cum.
I remember being somewhere between the dream and the waking world, squirming behind the sheets and realizing I had a raging erection. I was very turned on and had a very strong desire to cum. I recall whimpering a bit, almost as if what was taking place in the dream had actually been happening. It was hot beyond belief.
I even remember thinking that if I somehow went over the edge and had an "accident" it wouldn't be that bad, since I had no way of stopping it from happening, and it would take place after I had been thinking of my Queen. After I woke up I was very aroused, and remained that way most of the day. I also knew I wanted to tell about it to my Queen at the first opportunity, as we met later that day.
Naturally my Queen couldn't have cared less about my dream. In fact, when I brought the subject up again after a few days she said what I had told had been a very disturbing to hear, since it is something she wouldn't do in real life.
I have also seen a lot more dreams about myself masturbating than I usually do. More than I've ever had in my life, in fact. In the dreams I have somehow "forgotten" my ban, and am wanking off, usually since it serves some significant function in the dream.
Usually I'm just about to cum in the dream, as I suddenly remember my ban, and that I'm supposed to keep my seed inside my testicles, and I stop. It seems not being allowed to cum is such an integral part of my personality I'm unable and unwilling to cum even if was only in a dream.
I also realized recently that in a couple of weeks' time it will be exactly one thousand days since I stopped masturbating and ejaculating whenever I felt like it. My faithful readers know that ejaculate has escaped from my testicles on eight instances during that time. But as for masturbating on my own, it been history for me since November 2013.
I feel I should celebrate it some way. Ejaculating is naturally out of the question, since I want 2016 to be completely cum free year for me, just as 2014 was, and to break my old 497 day record next spring. I'm at 231 days at the moment.
I know I could beg my Queen for a permission to edge myself on that day, but I would have to be extra careful and not let myself cum. I wouldn't blame her if she decided not to grant me the permission even if I did decide to beg for it. Quite frankly, being as horny as I am, even I don't trust my body the slightest bit.
