I have more or less surrendered to the needs of my body and cum more or less regularly now, about once in five days. That's much less than in 2012, when I begun the chastity play and had used to cumming daily, but much, much more than what's been the norm during last six years.
In fact I have started cumming so often it's been quite a while I have even bothered to set my chastity counter on my blogs. And that is totally unacceptable. Everyone visiting any of my blogs deserves to know exactly how long has it been since my last ejaculation, to the minute, right?
I wish I didn't have to cum this often. The main reason I do it is to get my mind off sex, and to be able to concentrate on other things, above all the project I'm in charge of. Usually I try to postpone it as long as possible, which is easy for a certain amount of days due to the fact I am so busy.
However, usually after five or so days I get too distracted and stressed out and my body takes control. I have to take my limp little clit into my hand and start pulling on it. Usually at that point I am filled with feelings of shame as well as being incredibly turned on, from the mere fact what I am doing.
Usually it doesn't take me very long to spill my sissy seed. At the moment of ejaculation, or immediately after it, as I pant face flushed, I usually curse my body, hating what it forces me to do. My seed is usually very watery and there's no more than a few drops of it. At that moment all that excitement and huffing and puffing seems so pointless.
But what about my creative dilemma then?
Well, as you know, my favourite way of enjoying porn is to write it myself, and there is a longish story I have tried to finish for several months now. The problem is by the time I start masturbating I am usually so horny I manage to write only few lines before I spill my seed.
On the other had if I wrote it without being horny it would show in the end result. For the text to... well, feel right, to be steamy enough I need to be horny, and to masturbate as I write it. The text needs to be born out of my horniness, for it to be able to reflect my innermost, most deepest, darkest and most perverted fantasies. Fantasies that are pure me, the part I want to expose to the world.
I do know the answer to my dilemma would be to edge more, but not to cum. It wouldn't take more than a promise to myself to achieve it. I could even start a longer chastity period again. The idea fills me with such excitement.
I miss the feeling one gets after being chaste so long one forgets what cumming even feels like, but feels sexual nevertheless. I miss the time when I was able to edge 12 or 24 hours in a row without cumming, and still knowing I wouldn't cum, since it would spoil everything.
However, at the moment I am too stressed out and busy for it, too much a slave to my libido and my sissy testicles. Truth to tell, it's been extremely hard even to write this post, and not to start masturbating. Even though it's been less than 24 hours since the last spill.
Perhaps I should cum as much as my body needs to, until the project is finished, which will take palce in less than a week's time, knowing I will award myself with a long and purifying chastity period as soon as it's over?
