I think it's
time for another update, even though nothing dramatic has happened. Yet, at
least. Or maybe it has, depends how you define it.
I have been
on my new complete wank ban for a week now. When I started it what I wanted was
a piece of mind, a purified mind in a way. I expected my libido going to the
same deep sleep it has been almost two years soon, as long as I stop playing
with myself completely.
Sure, I was
curious to find out what would happen now, after what my body must have
regarded as an actual orgasm, or at least ejaculation. I didn't expect anything
special happening though, since this is not the first time I go on a cum ban.
Nothing
could have prepared me what I have endured the last 24 hours though. Last night
I was sitting at my computer minding my own business, and it occured to me how
the caption photos I made were at some point a substitute for masturbating and
orgasming for me.
Then, out
of the blue... it started again. I felt orgasmic build-up coming from
somewhere, and I'm afraid if I hadn't snapped myself out of it immediately, I
would have ejaculated in my pants, with my penis being completely limp, without
any sort of help from me.
It didn't
stop there however, and the build-ups continued, one after another, even though
I tried to do something else. Merely the thought of cumming, or not being
allowed to cum, or thinking about my testicles, triggered a build-up, every one
of which I managed to stop.
Naturally I
contacted my Queen immediately and told her in panic what was happening. She
was naturally alarmed, as well as amazed, but said she understands if I slip,
or rather if my body does.
Basically I
had at that point a "permission" to ejaculate, as long as I didn't
touch myself prior to it. However, I saw that as a last resort only, and I
fought the build-ups the best I could.
It
continued about an hour, after which I was ready to hit the sack from sheer
exhaustion. Today it started again, and I have endured several
"waves" of attacks, usually lasting an hour or so.
On some
occasions it may have been triggered by a sexy image, sometimes merely or a
thought, and sometimes, like I said, only by me thinking about orgasming.
Today I saw
my Queen, and told her, after we had spoken with each other for ten minutes,
that I had fought off during that time several of those attacks, caused merely
by the sight of her sitting beside me on a coach, or her smell, or the
knowledge she's there.
She was
naturally rather amused to hear that, as well as the fact that to me it felt
like I was "trying to telekinetically keep a tsunami at bay". One has
to constantly concentrate to maintain control and not let my thoughts wander.
I know it
would be interesting to find out what would happen if I just... let go, and let
whatever that would happen, happen. At the moment though I try to fight it the
best I can.
I admit, in
a way this is pure stubbornness. However, it's a mere week since I let sperm
escape my body last time. There is no way I will let it happen again this soon.
We will see now who is tougher, me or my body.
