Saturday, June 5, 2021

5.6.2021

Like most people, I've been watching a lot of television shows during the last year and a half. There is one thing that has started to annoy me quite a bit in them, to put it mildly. This has also led me to think about matters such as sex, sexuality and myself quite a lot.

It seems that if there are two people in the show who are developing some sort of feelings towards each other, the only direction this can or will lead to in shows is the couple ending up banging together. 

That's all there is. No romance, no getting to know the other person, nothing. Just attraction, sex and that's it. Or as having sex is often referred to "getting it over with".

Yes, I am well aware the fact conventions when it comes to storytelling in television have changed. A few decades ago writers postponed the leading couple ending up in bed together as long as possible, because everybody knew after that the tension and mystery between the characters would be gone.

Nowadays in similar situation the people in question have to have sex in a matter of few episodes, otherwise the viewer gets bored. Also, sex in television shows seems to be a flag marker of sorts, that something significant has happened. If the couple hasn't had sex they are not a couple, and there is no romance, or a relationship.

If anything, the lack of this flag marker is a sign of a problem, or that something is missing and causing trouble. They like each other, but haven't banged? Why? There's clearly something wrong here.

So yes, it's a way of storytelling, but is this also the way the world works nowadays? Do people really think: "There is this person I really like, so I'll better bang her the first chance I get to find out whether there's any future for us."

I remember talking to a woman roughly my age at one point about these matters. I mentioned her an interview of an elderly actress I had once seen. In the interview the woman told she feels pity for the youth nowadays who seem to think romance is just sex. That they miss out on the wonderful period when the couple is flirting without not being exactly sure where it will all lead to.

My friend didn't saw any point in things like that. Her message to me was: "If you're into someone, just tell her that and get it over with. Otherwise you will only keep her hanging, not knowing whether you like her or not." When I asked whether there was no place for romance anymore, she basically rolled her eyes.

That conversation was an eye opener for me, albeit not a nice one. The thing is, that "just tell her and get it over with" part I mentioned in the beginning as well is something I have always been unable to do. Watching these shows have brought that conversation back to me many times. Truth to tell, watching them is often not only annoying, but also plain painful. 

I can only guess the people writing these shows have no idea how it feels to watch them if you happen to be someone like me, a single impotent male, with a romantic life that's a dead end. To see week in and week out fictional characters hooking up and ending up screwing each other like it's the easiest thing in the world.

At the same time I can't help but wondering whether the world has really passed me by. Whether being "the hopeless romantic", as I like often to put it, is just another way of saying I'm a relic of the past with no place in today's world.

Even more unnerving is the thought there is something actually wrong with me, not seeing the importance of people having sex with each other. As you all know, I am extremely sexual person, but the thing is, I have never understood sex itself, or what the big deal about is supposed to be. 

Sure, I've heard people describing what an incredible experience it is with a right person, how close it can bring two people. I have never experienced that. I had already started suffering from impotence when I finally lost my cherry at 33 years of age, and whenever I've been expected to perform intercourse, I have felt it's something I shouldn't be doing.

So, perhaps it's not the fault of the world, or the people, or the way television shows are nowadays. Perhaps it's just the fact I'm damaged goods.

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

4.5.2021

As faithful readers of my blog know, I have a habit of getting kicks and being turned on by the oddest things. This blog post is a proof of that, and a story of yet another strange thing that managed to make me extremely horny.

Some time ago came across with something that could be called "a self-help list". You know the kind, a list of ways people can feel better about themselves and have a brighter outlook on their own lives.

Since I was bored, it occurred to me it would be fun to turn the points of the list upside down, from a perspective of compulsive masturbator like me. You know, as someone who has had very poor success rate in basically all areas of life and who has very little to look forward to 

Doing this and expanding each point turned out to be extremely pleasurable experience. I pulled my impotent penis all through the writing of this piece, and I managed to take myself several times to the edge. 

What can I say, this is all from the bottom of my heart, something I truly believe in, and how I see myself in relation to the rest of the world.
   

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU A BIGGER LOSER

1. Getting your self-esteem from others. Especially women. Your success among women out of your league is a valid way to measure your worth as a human being.

2. Constantly attacking and putting yourself down. You are a loser, and a wanker. It will do you good to admit it. Next to that fact all your possible achievements outside wanking, have little value.

3. Thinking that others are better than you. Because let's face it, they are. Better at sex, better at relationships, better at life, better and more successful when it comes to their careers, and so on. Look around you and admit it.

4. Expecting things to not turn out well. Your past performance is a pretty good indicator of future success. If you haven't had luck with women so far and most of your time has been spent by masturbating, it's a safe bet that's what you will do for the rest of your life.

5. Living in the past. There may have been that hot girlfriend, or that hot classmate, or that hot woman you once saw in the bus and couldn't take your eyes off. Think about them while you masturbate, how hot they were. Even though you know they have moved on in their lives, unlike you.

6. Fearing the future. We all know you have very little to look forward in life, and it's safe bet you will use more and more of the following years by masturbating. After all, a good way not to take your mind off the future and how bleak yours is, is masturbating.

7. Being afraid of change. In your case the change would mean you'd have less chances to, you guessed it, masturbate. A promotion, more responsibilities in life, dating or even a relationship, they would all take your eyes and mind off the thing you love most, and the one and only thing you're good at. 


What's interesting is that after I published this on a small-scale erotic social media platform I was contacted by several people, who were concerned, and told me that what I had written sounded like something an incel would say.

I am well aware I do have all the qualities and life experiences that could have turned someone an incel. However, let me assure you, I am not one.

Incels are sexist idiots who live in the fallacy that womankind somehow owes them something. Their view of life is ridden with misogyny, and hatred towards not only towards women they blatantly objectify, but also men having sex with women.

I have no such misconceptions. Women in this world don't owe me anything. How could I think that? I'm a loser, a wanker, and sexually speaking damaged goods in many ways. No woman in their right mind would want to have anything to do with me. It is quite natural and understandable. 

If anything, I admire women, and aspire to be more like them. If there's something I can do for womankind, it is helping them gaining more voice in the society by voting only women in elections, as well as fight for things like LGBT rights, in my own little way.   

Also, let me assure you I am very happy for all the people in this world who have sex with one another, let it be men, women or variations thereupon, I really am. Having a healthy, fulfilling sex life is a beautiful thing. 

I have merely understood and accepted the fact that due to numerous reasons, this is not my part in this life anymore. If you have followed this blog longer, you're painfully aware what those reasons are. In many ways it never was.  

I think one should be happy for what they are, and proud of it. As well as aware who or what they are. I know what I am. I'm a complete loser, and quite happy and proud of being one.

Saturday, January 9, 2021

9.1.2021

I recently came across with this photo, apparently of Delores Del Rio and Lloyd Hughes playing a game of Tic Tac Toe on Rita Carewe’s back during filming High Steppers (1926). An unusual shot, to say the least.

It reminded me of a fantasy I have had for years and which I know I will never get to live out. It may not be the most common one there is, but I will share it with you nevertheless. A fantasy of being a canvas.

Since this turned out a longer piece than I originally planned, and the plot led to many things not originally part of my fantasy, I am posting it here on my blog instead of Bdsmlr.   

In my fantasy I am naked or dressed only in my trademark knee-high black and pink striped socks. I have just been brought somewhere blindfolded and handcuffed. After both are removed, I see I'm in a room in which there are a dozen or so young women present. Maybe more. 

There is a huge, king-size bed in the room and I am ordered to go and lie on my back in the middle of it. Without saying a word the women get on the bed as well, armed with ballpoint pens and black markers. Silently they all start to write on me.

I know the women have the liberty to write on me anything they want. The little notes can be about me, but they can just be things they find amusing, or want the world the know. I have no option but to lie there, and let the young women work on me.

At first they do it without saying a word, but gradually the women start giggling and talking to each other, commenting on what they either are writing or should write on me. None of them are addressing me, however. I am only a canvas for them, nothing more.

Gradually my whole body from knees up gets covered in small humorous notes. Knees, thighs, hips, tummy, chest, sides, arms, hands, every part of my body. Only place they don't touch is the genitals. After all, my limp penis and testicles isn't much of a canvas.

After all of the space on my front side is used, I am ordered to lie on my belly, and the women continue their work on the clean canvas my backside offers. Now and then I hear women walking in and out of the door, as more of them arrive to leave their notes.

Finally I am ordered on my back again and then to spread my legs. I do it and lay on my back, feeling a bit like a woman at a gynecologist. Silently two of the women sit between them and start writing on my inner thighs. After they're done, more women come and make use of the unused space on my legs. Only place they still don't touch are my genitals.

While this happens, the rest of the women start going over other parts of my body, making sure there isn't a single spot they missed, including places like my armpits. There are so many young women eagerly at work around me I feel a dog who has just given birth to a litter of puppies. 

At this point I notice the music coming outside the room, and realize there seems to be a some sort of party going on. This also explains why the women seem to be getting more and more uninhibited as the night progresses.

As a proof of this I suddenly notice a one of them walking next to me. And then, without saying a word, she gets on the bed, swings her leg over me, and before I understand what is happening I feel her crotch on my face.

I hear several comments, but since my both ears are now covered by her legs it is hard for me to make out what they say. I feel the backside on my face moving and trying to find a better position, and I feel my nose sliding between the ass cheeks, while the pussy lips press to mine.

I understand what I'm expected to and I start licking. A moment later I am rewarded by a low moan, and I hear the young women cheering. She starts to move herself back and forth, and I do my best to keep my tongue working hard.

As this happens I still feel the sharp points of ballpoint pens and markers on my skin. Even though it is hard for me to imagine there is any free space left. I try not to notice it however, and concentrate solely on the vagina grinding itself on my face.

I keep my tongue at work, and finally I feel the woman sitting on me shudder a few times. I feel her breathing hard, staying motionless for few moments, and then getting off me. I have only a few moments to enjoy the fresh air, before a second crotch appears from somewhere and lands on my face. 

This is repeated over and over, and there is a seemingly endless row of vaginas on my face, all in need of my tongue. As time passes there are fewer and fewer scribbling sensations on my skin. Finally I realize, as yet another backside lifts itself from my face, there isn't a next one coming.

I breath in deep as I look at the ceiling, and gradually become aware of the women speaking around me. They all seem to be agreeing every square inch of my skin has finally been used, and not a single note would fit there anymore.

I hear a loud woman's voice in the next room, apparently asking whether there is still anyone who would like to make use of my mouth. Nothing happens, however and the next thing I realize is several young women getting on the bed again, one on my each side.

Suddenly there is a moist towel on my face, and I have to close my eyes. My face is being wiped in less than gentle manner, after which there is a feeling of some sort of antiseptic tissue. I hear two women commenting on the mess on my face as they work both sides of it.

After they are done, I keep my eyes shut for a few moments. Nothing happens and I feel only their movements on the bed. Finally I open my eyes, only to see the women leaning above me, both with a black marker raised in the air.

I close my eyes quickly, and a moment later feel the tip of the marker touch my cheek. Then there's one on my other cheek, and I hear the women chuckling to each other as they work. I do my best to stay completely motionless, and then feel a tip touching my forehead as well.

I have no idea what they are writing on my face, but based on their laughter and comments it seems to be something extremely amusing. This takes a while, but finally they seem to be happy with their work and I am ordered to stand up.

I am brought to another, much larger room, filled with young women as well. The music is turned down a bit, and the women surround me once more, this time not to write, but to read what has been written on me.

I stand there, as eager and curious eyes go over every inch of my body. Whenever anyone finds something particularly funny on me, she reads it aloud, and the women burst out laughing. 

Some of the women are peering with a sly smile on their lips at my face or chest, while others are kneeling and going over things they find on my hips and thighs. Some are behind me reading my back as well as butt cheeks.

Occasionally the women lift my arms higher and twist them to see better what had been written around them or in my armpits. Every time I keep the arm in place until someone moves it again. They also grab my ass and other parts of my body, as they find something particularly hilarious and want to point it to someone.

After the women had gotten enough fun, I am left alone and the party around me continues. I stand there like a party decoration. Occasionally I am approached by groups of women, commenting to each other on something written on me.

Occasionally, if it's a single woman in question, she may stay quite a while at me, reading me without saying a word and sipping her drink at the same time. Never before I have felt this much a piece of art. 

At some point the music is turned off and the women start finishing their drinks, clearly getting ready go somewhere. Someone puts a blindfold and a collar on me, and my hands are cuffed behind my back again. 

A moment later I feel a tug and I am led outside of the apartment. At this point my fantasy is unclear. Either I am taken to a parking basement or through a parking lot outside and then put to a trunk of the car.

The women could also decide to walk me behind them through busy streets. It is a warm summer night after all, so I don't freeze, but is hard for me not to imagine what the people we pass must think.

Finally we arrive to our destination. I am led into what I realize to be a loud night club. Still blindfolded it is hard for me to keep track what's happening, other than I am being walked around the night club for the rest of the night.

Occasionally the women I have arrived to the club with pass me around, allowing as many women as possible a chance to lead me. Each of them naturally is more than eager to show off their handiwork, and I feel both gazes as well as hands on my skin all through the night.

Gradually the women in charge of me get more and more drunk though, and what would happen to a dummy mascot at a sorority party, inevitably happens to me, and I am forgotten somewhere.

After that it won't take long for me to feel the first rough male hands on my body, feeling me like a piece of meat. My genitals that have been neglected all night finally get attention as well, and I feel several hands feeling them up. Everybody seem to be amused how small and limp I am.

It doesn't take very long for me to be made to kneel somewhere either. Or to hear the sound of a zipper and to feel a cock shoved in my mouth. A few moments later there is a pair of hands on my back as well, feeling my ass and then spreading my cheeks open. Soon there's a feeling of incredibly big, hard cock forcing its way dry inside my virgin ass.

I howl out loud, an equally hard cock inside my mouth, and then even louder as the cock inside my anus starts to move back and forth. This doesn't do much more than generates laughter from the men surrounding me. I feel the man behind my grabbing my hips and starting to pound me harder.

After doing this the rest of the night, and losing count several times how many cocks there had been inside me, I am abandoned again. The reason for that is clear, as the music stops and I realize people are starting to leave the club.

Finally I hear a couple of women's voices approaching, and I vaguely recognize them as the women who brought me here.

"Oh... there it is", I hear one of them say in labored voice. "God I'm so drunk. Look, could you take it outside?"

The other replies, sounding almost as drunk as her friend. I feel a tug on the leash and I'm pulled to my feet again. 

On the sidewalk outside there's an insane commotion, as a night club full of people are sorting whatever they had been in the middle of inside. 

Based on the sounds I am again surrounded by the women I had arrived there with, but they seem very uninterested in me now. Mostly they are worried about getting enough cabs for them all. 

There is nothing else for me to do than stand there and enjoy the night air, now slightly chillier than few hours before.

I hear the sounds of cars pulling over and people getting into them. Then, quite suddenly, the blindfold is taken off, and I am watching eye to eye to a beautiful blonde in a cocktail dress.

"There we go", she says in a surly voice, clearly trying to act more sober than she actually is. Then she looks at me smiling.

"Well then", she says smiling, and continues in a slightly labored manner. "I hope this was as fun for you than it was for us."

She turns around and joins her friends getting on a cab standing next to the sidewalk. A moment before the cab full of drunken girls drive away she waves at me from the open window.

"Run along now! Ta-ta!"

I just stand there, looking around and realizing I still have the cuffs on.