12.3.2015

Okay, here's a little story, or rather a piece of some rather disturbing information, that will interest only the ones who have followed my chastity project.

During the last few weeks I have noticed, that my chastity has finally started to have an effect on my libido. The stress and the fact I've been very busy may have also affected me, as well as other factors, but basically I've felt no desire to edge, in order to maintain my sexual frustration. It's as if my libido is finally dying out.

Therefore I have had to force myself to edge, since I don't want my chastity to be too easy for me. Those who I've discussed about the matter know I can edge my limp dick quite safely for hours, without a danger of an ejaculation. Or so I thought.

A few days ago something disturbing happened. I had masturbated my limp little dick at that point for hours, to get into the frenzy state I love. Just enough to feel that sensation in my feet, when my body prepares to ejaculate. To get myself as horny as possible, so close to the orgasm I can taste it.

Then, as I was just sitting there, in front of my computer, not even touching my limp dick, I suddenly felt... this a wave or ecstasy washing over me. I felt... something trying to force itself out of my penis, and I was completely powerless to stop it. I twitched a few times, not moving a muscle.

Needless to say I was simply horrified. I don't want to fool myself. It was orgasm, sort of, or a part of one. It was something I haven't felt for sixteen months. Something I had forgotten all about now.

And I assure you, It was awful. It was like a horrible nightmare. For so long being without an orgasm had defined me. I am the one who keeps oneself in chastity. The one who denies himself any sort of sexual release, and gets off on the idea. It is what I do.

Someone has asked me whether it a ruined orgasm? In a way it was, but nothing came out. There was just the surge in my limp dick, and I felt two or orgasmic spasms. Afterwards my little dick started pulsating in a weird, warm way. It did that for a few minutes, and then ended.

Afterwards I felt utterly, utterly filthy. It was as if something disgusting had made me dirty, tainted me, made my chastity without meaning. I still want to continue my cum ban. I didn't ejaculate. I don't want my torment to stop.

And above all, I didn't grab my limp dick, and spoiled it all. I think there was once a time when it would have been my immediate response. But now it was quite the opposite. I just wanted the awful sensation to go away, wanted to stay pure. In a way, I think, the experience has made me not wanting to cum ever again.