29.7.2015

I think it's time for another update, even though nothing dramatic has happened. Yet, at least. Or maybe it has, depends how you define it.

I have been on my new complete wank ban for a week now. When I started it what I wanted was a piece of mind, a purified mind in a way. I expected my libido going to the same deep sleep it has been almost two years soon, as long as I stop playing with myself completely.

Sure, I was curious to find out what would happen now, after what my body must have regarded as an actual orgasm, or at least ejaculation. I didn't expect anything special happening though, since this is not the first time I go on a cum ban.

Nothing could have prepared me what I have endured the last 24 hours though. Last night I was sitting at my computer minding my own business, and it occured to me how the caption photos I made were at some point a substitute for masturbating and orgasming for me.

Then, out of the blue... it started again. I felt orgasmic build-up coming from somewhere, and I'm afraid if I hadn't snapped myself out of it immediately, I would have ejaculated in my pants, with my penis being completely limp, without any sort of help from me.

It didn't stop there however, and the build-ups continued, one after another, even though I tried to do something else. Merely the thought of cumming, or not being allowed to cum, or thinking about my testicles, triggered a build-up, every one of which I managed to stop.

Naturally I contacted my Queen immediately and told her in panic what was happening. She was naturally alarmed, as well as amazed, but said she understands if I slip, or rather if my body does.

Basically I had at that point a "permission" to ejaculate, as long as I didn't touch myself prior to it. However, I saw that as a last resort only, and I fought the build-ups the best I could.

It continued about an hour, after which I was ready to hit the sack from sheer exhaustion. Today it started again, and I have endured several "waves" of attacks, usually lasting an hour or so.

On some occasions it may have been triggered by a sexy image, sometimes merely or a thought, and sometimes, like I said, only by me thinking about orgasming.

Today I saw my Queen, and told her, after we had spoken with each other for ten minutes, that I had fought off during that time several of those attacks, caused merely by the sight of her sitting beside me on a coach, or her smell, or the knowledge she's there.

She was naturally rather amused to hear that, as well as the fact that to me it felt like I was "trying to telekinetically keep a tsunami at bay". One has to constantly concentrate to maintain control and not let my thoughts wander.

I know it would be interesting to find out what would happen if I just... let go, and let whatever that would happen, happen. At the moment though I try to fight it the best I can.

I admit, in a way this is pure stubbornness. However, it's a mere week since I let sperm escape my body last time. There is no way I will let it happen again this soon. We will see now who is tougher, me or my body.