2.12.2016

Okay, part four it is. Like my faithful readers know, yesterday I experienced a setback when I discovered I had perhaps a bit too ambitious idea of the size of my asshole. So today, as soon as I had woken up (and edged a little, of course) I put clothes on and headed for the porn shop I had visited two days ago.

Also, it occurred to me it might be fun if I had a plug inside my ass during the trip. Therefore I slipped one of the steel plugs in before going out. It's so easy for me nowadays. This time I made my trip in broad daylight and somehow it added to the experience.

That last time it had been the middle of the night. Now it was broad daylight, people and cars passing me by on the snowy street. And here I was, feeling the butt plug moving inside me on every step I took. A faint smile rose to my sleep several times during the short trip.

Going in and out of the store couldn't take more than five minutes. I grabbed the package, made sure it was indeed smaller than the pink monster I had bought yesterday, as well as a new tube of lube, and walked to the counter.

There was the same guy behind it than during my previous trip, and no doubt he could put two and two together. First a guy buys a huge butt plug, before asking about the expendable and more expensive one, and then comes to buy the expandable one and a tube of lube.

On the way home something unfortunate happened. As I was just about to step into the grocery store, thinking I could take care of it while I'm at it, and find out what it would be like to do the shopping while plugged.

Suddenly I felt the plug starting to come out of my ass. I tried to keep it by leaning back towards a trash bin, but a few seconds afterwards I felt it plop out and slide into my briefs. I shrugged and headed back home, thinking whether all my anal training had something to do with it.

As soon as I had gotten inside my apartment I threw my clothes off and opened the package, hands shaking with excitement. As soon as I had figured the simple mechanism out I started applying lube on it and then guiding it in.

The result was... a disappointment. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get it all the way in. Finally I gave up and took it out. After comparing it to the handle of the screwdriver I saw it was indeed a bit bigger. Not much, but a bit.

Also the part between the rubber base and the actual plug was twice as thick compared to the steel plugs I had been using. No wonder I couldn't get it in all the way, I thought. As a consolation I took the screwdriver and fucked myself in the ass with it for a while.

After doing some home chores with the diamond plug inside me (which I now hardly felt) I decided to gave the new toy as well as my asshole one more chance. The plug had, after all, cost way much more than I could have afforded.

This time I used more lube then I had ever done before and finally, after much discomfort, I could feel it go all the way in. I was so overjoyed and I remember smiling like a fool. It's in! That huge thing is inside my tiny little asshole!

It tried to slide out couple of times, but I managed to keep it in as I hobbled and wobbled to my office chair. I knew I wanted to keep it in and to sit down. I wanted it in as deep as possible. When I finally did so and had stretched my ass cheeks to give the plug the best access to my anus, I was filled with emotions that were a mixture of horror, amazement and joy.

I knew that plug was the biggest thing I had ever had inside my ass. I was so happy, and almost thanking my asshole out loud, for taking it in. I had lube all over my hands and since I had nothing to wipe them with, I wiped them to my naked body. I didn't dare to get up, in the fear the plug would slide out after all.

After I had my racing heart in control I started to fumble with the mechanism. Despite the price there was some problems, and the rubber tube kept slipping off from the balloon type part at the end. It seems I have to go to the hardware store to get something to fix it.

As I started to pump the device I could feel it starting to expand inside me. In a way the sensation was a bit the need to fart, a sudden feeling of pressure at the mouth of your asshole. The pump part kept slipping off, however, and I finally decided this was enough for a test run.

At first I had the idea I could keep the plug part in and do some home chores, but I soon realized it was so big I couldn't concentrate into anything, not even edging. So I went back to the bathroom and pulled the thing out.

I felt my asshole gaping, and took the vibrating cock shaped dildo, the one I had said is way, way too big for both my girlfriend and me. I took some lube, applied it on the dildo and started pushing it in. It took some time, but bit by bit I got it in deeper, until I felt the end where the power setting is, reach my butt cheeks.

After sliding it in and out for a while I pulled it out, and looked at it. I was overjoyed! The thing was huge and it has been inside my ass. It was the size of a real man's erect cock, much bigger than my cock had been erect back in the day I got hard. Fuck, it had been much too big for my lesbian girlfriend's virgin pussy, and I had just been able to ram it in my little asshole!

I'm writing this with one of the steel plugs inside me. Part of me would want to take it a bit easy now, and perhaps to get some things done. However, there is another part of me that would like to go for another run. It went in once, why not try it again? Should I?

1.12.2016

I think this report could be more truthfully called “part 2b” as well, since the day continued after I got the previous part written. The thing is, after I finally had the heart to yank the plug out of my ass I could feel my asshole gaping and not wanting to stop playing yet.

Well, as I was in front of the washbasin my eye caught the hand held shower head beside the toilet seat. I had often wished it was the kind you could screw the shower head off. and use it to give yourself enemas, the kind I had a few apartments back.

I took it in my hand, and lo and behold, I realized it came off, after all. At that point I was so horny from all the edging and playing with my asshole it didn't take me more than a minute to slid the hose to my anus and turn the water on.

I admit it this wasn't the smartest thing to do, and that I did get carried off. Some of the water came out occasionally, but a lot of it stayed in, especially after I realized that if I stood up and clench the ass cheeks shut, none of the water got out. I did that perhaps a bit too long, but it felt so good, and twisted.

When I finally started to let the water out and empty my colon I started to have regrets. The flow of liquid seemed endless, I was covered in cold sweat and I started to feel nauseous. Don't do this at home, kids.

After an half an hour or so, and a numerous trips to the toilet later, I started to feel a bit better and decided I could continue. Followed what must be familiar to a lot of people who have been adventurous enough to explore their another love hole. I rummaged through my toolbox and tried to look for anything I could put into my anus, and did so, as well.

The best result I got by using a nice monkey wrench set I had bought a couple of years back, but never used that much. Each of them has a nice, round plastic handle and it was such fun to go from the smallest to the biggest, and to to see whether I could get it in, and fuck myself into the asshole with each one.

I didn't quite get the biggest one in, but when I finally rammed in a handle of a screwdriver I thought was pretty heavy duty, and looked at it after I had took it out I was amazed. This was inside me? I was so proud of myself.

Pretty soon afterwards I had to get going, because I had places to be that night. However, as soon as I had gotten home I got rid of my clothes and started playing again.

A really nice, helpful and open minded virtual acquaintance of mine was online and I discussed with her in length about anal training and sexuality in general, while at the same time keeping a plug in,  and edging myself. She seemed to think it was very hot.

With her help I even fulfilled my fantasy I mentioned earlier, that is going to run some errands with a nasty butt plug inside my ass. The nearby grocery store was at that point closed already, but a gas station next to it wasn't. I needed to get some groceries, so what did it matter whether I had a steel butt plug in my ass or not?

It was very weird, even more weird than running errands downtown in a chastity cage. As I stepped out of the door, I felt as if I had done it naked. Almost like was taking something intimate outside. 

As I walked towards the gas station in the middle of the night I wondered why isn't my brain broadcasting a telepathic message everywhere: "PERVERT! PLUG IN ASS! WATCH EVERYBODY", since the sensation was so intense, almost violent. Every time took a step I felt something in a place of me that shouldn't have sensations.

After I came back I got rid of all of my clothes and started to edge with my friend again. I also told her about my wanking off mirror. I have a small apartment so I have mirrors here and there. One of them is on the bathroom door. If I put the door open just the right amount I can see myself on the computer.

I have the habit of occasionally watch myself in the mirror as I edge. I've always had body image issues and seeing myself nude or wanking off is very humiliating. Then again, I do like humiliation. However, I need to be very, very horny to use my mirror that way.

By the end of the night we had even progressed to clothespins. After my suggestion she made me put some of them on my testicles, and two nasty ones on my nipples. The rattling the pins made as I continued pulling my penis was quite something.

The pins were in place over an half an hour, and she said me being in pain turned her on. It turned me on, as well, and I don't remember when was the last time I was so horny. I hope to be able to do that with her many times in the future.  

Today I continued my anal project and visited a porn store around the corner. The previous day had proven I need new anal toys, and badly. It took me some time, but I finally purchased myself a rather big jello butt plug, since it looked to my eyes about the same size as the screwdriver handle.

However, it seems I was a bit too overconfident, since the pink monster was after all too big for my boy pussy. I can get it in almost all the way, but not quite. In other words my purchase turned out to be a disappointment.

With hindsight, I know now I should have gotten the inflatable model instead, despite the fact it cost twice as much. I do mean to get the pink monster rammed into my ass eventually, and start sleeping my nights with it inside my ass. Just not yet.    

30.11.2016

Welcome to "My Boy Pussy Project", part two. Today I've been playing with my third anal toy. It's similar with the fluffy tail plug, with the exception that in the place of a red fluffy part there is a red "diamond", sort of a red brake light.

I bought both earlier this year when we were experimenting with the girlfriend, but the first experiences with the toys weren't only positive. Both toys seemed so small, even though they required a lots of lube in order for me to get them in. I was afraid they would slip inside my anus all the way, resulting to a trip to ER.

So, I was a bit hesitant to use the red diamond one, but since the red fluffy plug was still wet (I washed it, big mistake there) and since I desperately needed something inside me I decided to risk it.

This time I didn't use lube of any kind, just bent over and started to guide the plug to my anus. This is the part I find to be the most humiliating one. After I had found the right place I started simply to push it in dry. I took some time, but finally I had gotten it in as deep as I thought it would go.

However, it was much easier than I thought it would be, or than it had been the day before. I can only hope my training yesterday had something to with it. Also, the whole procedure of bending down and starting to shove something inside your asshole seemed much more normal now.

When I stood up and felt my naked backside I could feel the red diamond part sticking out between my ass cheeks. It seems my asshole was so dry it was keeping the plug firmly in it place, with no fear of it going in or out.

This was good news indeed, since I knew now I could risk what I wanted to do, namely to sit down, and this way to make the plug go even deeper into my ass. Also, sitting down with the feeling of a steel plug in my ass was humiliating beyond belief.

As I am writing this the plug is firmly in my anus. At first it seemed "fucking myself" wouldn't be possible in the similar way with this toy, since there isn't similar "ball" part at the end of it.

However, the longer I sit here and rock myself back and forth while I edge myself, the more "life" and movement there seems to be between my ass cheeks. It seems my muscles are trying to thrust it out, but my weight prevents this. By gyrating my hips in round motions I can feel something wonderful happening inside me. It seems enjoying things inside your asshole is an acquired taste.

By making a slight "hopping" movement, in other words moving my hip and down using my leg muscles I have even managed to create a bit of the thing we've used of seeing in porn movies, in which the actress is riding a hard cock. Or, if I keep the two fingers around my my soft clit motionless, and hump my hip back and forth in sort of slow strokes I can fuck my hand and myself in the ass at the same time.

Also, I noticed that if I first stretch each buttock and then let my weight descend, the mixture of sensations is overwhelming, almost violent: the feeling of my stretched out asshole, the sensations the plug creates inside my dry anus, the constant fight my body and mind have against each other, whether to get the nasty hard thing out, or further in.

When I first tried this, after sitting on the plug almost an hour, a long, almost orgastic wail escaped my lips: "Aaaaaahhhhh!". It's impossible to know how much of it was pain, how much was pleasure. I had never felt anything like it. After an half an hour or so I also noticed this technique makes the plug go much deeper inside my dry ass, than it so far had.  

The thing is, before I tried that technique I suspect the plug was inside my anus only half-way. This is not only a bad thing either, of course, since this way the widest part was most likely at the "mouth", hopefully widening it.

Now the only problem that remains is that I this is way too much fun. I love the feeling the plug creates and I don't want to take it out anymore.

I would have so much I'd have to do today, but as long as the plug is inside me it's quite impossible for me to think of anything else than rocking myself back and forth in my chair, and edging...

29.11.2016

This blog post begins a series in my blog that can be seen as somewhat of a change direction for it. For some time now things have been rather quiet in the life of this chaste boy when it comes to sexuality. However, lately I have begun to wake my libido from its slumber again.

I have among other things started edging on my own. As the faithful readers of my blog may remember, that has been off limits for me since way back in August 2015, when we decided with my girlfriend it would be a good idea to take it away from me. After all, her pussy should be the center of my sexuality.

For a good part of this year we had a project of denying orgasms from me for the whole of 2016, making it a completely cum free year for me. Also, I have been very anxious to get my previous record of 497 days of chastity broken, which would mean I have a chance to cum sometime in next April, which is still over four months away.

In other words, for a year and a half, over sixteen months I didn't have permission to touch my myself in a improper manner. No cumming, no masturbating, no edging, no touching, nothing. At some point I realized this has become a second nature for me. The mere thought of taking my limp little penis in my hand and start moving it back and forth had become unnatural for me.

Even after my girlfriend informed me some time ago I am now free to do with my project anything I see fit, I discovered I am unable to do so. For several months now I would have had a permission to masturbate and edge as much as I like, but I have been unable and unwilling to do so. Not getting pleasure was what I am.

So it has taken me a conscious trying to get over it, and during the past few weeks I have "taught" myself edging again. Making my brain understand it is not wrong or forbidden for me to take my limp penis in my hand and start edging. Nowadays I try to do it daily.

I have also gone through a great deal soul searching as to what I really am. This would be in itself way too big subject to go through here, but this soul searching led me to the idea it might be interesting if I started anal training.

I've played with my anus a few times during my life but I've never gotten the hang of it. Also, you may remember we did try it a bit with my girlfriend, as well. I decided to start it on my own now, since I realized it's the best way to get more action into my sex life.

In other words, welcome to my anal training diaries, or how I like to call them as well, "My Boy Pussy Project", part one.

I started my training today with a steel butt plug I own that has a tiny red fluffy tail at the end. It's very small, but I've noticed that since I basically have a virgin ass, getting merely an index finger in is quite enough for me. In fact it took some doing getting the tiny steel thing in,

I also own a cock shaped vibrator I bought for my girlfriend, but not only was it too big for her, it's way, way too big for my boy pussy. But perhaps someday it will be ready to take that monster in. In other words, the small fluffy ended plug fills my ass quite nicely now.

My first step was getting used to the feeling of having something in there, as well as getting rid of the need to get it out immediately. I put it in while I was in the shower and it has remained so a few hours now, as I have done stuff around the house, and edged myself, of course.

I think it will take some time to be completely okay with the feeling, but it's happening bit by bit, think. I have managed to get some enjoyment as well, by twisting and turning it around. I even tried the vibrator on it, but it had no huge effect.

I noticed I can even sit down at my computer quite normally with the thing inside me, which was a great news for me. If I rock myself back and forth I can "fuck" myself in the ass quite safely, without the danger of the end slipping inside of me. My plan is to be so used of having something up my ass that I start feeling something is missing, if it's all empty.

Next I will experiment by running errands and going to the grocery store with the plug in, and with the chastity cage on as well. That should make myself feel quite full as well as secure, don't you think?   

26.11.2016

Recently there was question in a Facebook BDSM group asking how many members are into self-torture and if so, what kind. I replied and mentioned that bladder torture was one of my favorites. A fellow member got interested and asked how do I do it, and what do I use? Being the polite person I am, I gave him a detailed reply. In order for the reply not to gets lost, I decided to post it here, as well.

What do I use? Well, simply put, water. Pints and pints of it, slowly descending in my belly while I masturbate myself at the same time. The more discomforting it gets, the more horny I become, and the more horny become, the more water I drink to be hurt more.

Sometimes I've done it all alone, with a pint after pint of ice water next to me, occasionally pressing my lower abdomen and feeling it getting more and more full and hard. The feeling it creates is different from any kind of pain, since it engulfs my whole groin area, as well as radiates outwards from there. Masturbation feels so much better that way.

Naturally it's even better when there's a sadistic woman present on chat for example, deciding how much and when I have drink the water, and deciding when I can go to relieve myself, or whether I can cum or not. In a way it's most fun when the woman in question is a bit unsure what to do, and ends up giving orders that are very hard for you to carry out!

Once or twice I've had the pleasure of a woman actually being present during this sort of water session. It feels so great being able to empty a whole pint of ice water in one go in front her eyes, as she watches you in disbelief...

My favourite part is naturally when she sits on top of me in a cowgirl position, preferably with me having to beg for her for it first. It's amazing what woman can do just by shifting her weight back and forth in a situation like that. It also helps if the woman in question has, as they say, meat on her bones.

The girlfriend I had the pleasure doing this with a couple of times was a big girl, and I simply loved to feel her getting on top of me with her full weight, and then starting to grind my full bladder. When this took place I just lay back, smiled, held my hands on her wide hips and told how much I loved her.

Afterwards, either after I have ejaculated or merely edged myself so long I can't stand it anymore, or I have been given a permission to, I start letting the pee out. It usually takes several hours, as the water in abdomen enters the bladder filling it again and again.

If I have cummed, the feeling immediately afterwards is simply awful, because at that point nothing comes through the swollen penis, no matter how hard I try. This means I have to wait 10 to 20 minutes in order to properly urinate. What was erotic before ejaculation, is now just pure pain. :-D

After I have gotten all the pee out, it often happens I still have the urge to urinate, even though there's nothing left anymore. At that point I can only lie on the bed curled to a ball, twitching. If I've only edged, at this point I'm horny as hell, but powerless to do anything anymore. Also, it feels almost as if by bladder had been beaten up.

I don't do this very often, since I have to be properly horny before I start (also, half filled bladder and a slight urge to urinate helps) and it's also quite a strain for the body.

But then again, it does feel so divine...

22.7.2016

As amazing as it is to believe it, it's now a year since this one happened:

chastediary.blogspot.fi/2015/07/2272015.html

"I have decided, on my own initiative, to stop experimenting on myself for now, since I do not like the direction where the series of experiments have led me. This will mean my libido and state of horniness will once again decrease, but in my opinion that is way more preferable option than the alternative. There is a chance ejaculating followed with period of complete chastity will have uncomfortable and frustrating results. I have a hope this will be the case. Only time will tell."

In other words, a year ago we decided with my girlfriend it would be a good idea for me to stop all kind of inappropriate touching of myself, masturbating, edging, everything. The reason was the fact I had had too many accidents teasing myself on my own, the last of which a day before my decision, Today is the one year anniversary of my complete chastity ban. 

In fact I think this is the first time I have been in complete chastity this long. The thing is I am fairly certain it didn't take a full year for me to understand during my first long really long one (and so far the longest) cum ban that it was quite safe for me to edge, even though I had no intention of letting myself to cum. There have been nothing like that during the past year.

And no, even though there is a lock as an illustration for this post it is merely a symbolic lock. As my faithful readers know, I feel no need to wear a piece of plastic on my genitals to stay chaste, since the one I do this for is first and foremost myself. Therefore I do my chastity simply by will power. All it really take is a simple decision not to cum.
  
Originally I think our intention was that my Queen could make me cum occasionally, and that did happen a few times. All in all cum escaped my testicles eight times in 2015, the last of which in November, 2015. Of course at the time I didn't know it would be the last one, just as I didn't understand my orgasm in November 2013 would be the last one I would have by my own free will.

Over the course of this year I managed to postpone my orgasm further and further, until my Queen agreed in early spring it would be nice idea for me not to cum in 2016 at all. I think one factor in her decision was the fact she had realized being in contact, seeing or thinking of male penises was something she didn't want to do, after all.

Even though my Queen has now lost her interest or ability of teasing me physically or verbally, or actively participating in my chastity project altogether I do hope I will achieve going the whole year without an orgasm, just as I did in 2014. More accurately, I hope to break my record of 497 and reach full 500 days, which would be in spring 2017.

I admit it has crossed my mind whether it would be a good time to start edge myself again, after a full year of complete chastity. Considering my Queen has lost interest touching me at all, meaning my penis doesn't get any kind of attention at the moment. Naturally I would have to get her permission to do that.

But truth to tell, I am not sure whether that would be a good idea. First of all, I do hope to break my previous record this time and starting to play with myself may just ruin that completely. Secondly, I have lately noticed I have now been without touching myself for such a long time not doing this has become so natural for me, a second nature you might say.

There have been mornings I have been laying horny in bed, looking at my quickly shrinking penis after a morning erection, and considered what it would feel to start masturbating again. To take hold of it with two fingers like I used to do it, and start moving the soft skin up and down, feeling the testicles coming alive.

There have been even times I have tried to move my hand closer to my limp penis, but it has refused to move an inch. It's almost as if there's a safety switch in my brain, that says: "No. That would be wrong. It is not for you anymore". Many times I have just sighed and gotten out of the bed instead.

In other words, if I really did decide to start edging or masturbating again, let alone cumming, it would require a huge mental shift in my head first. I have conditioned myself not to cum for such a long time now my mind doesn't seem to be able to cope with the idea anymore. 

In fact in a mere week's time I will get to celebrate another important day. On July the 28th 2016 it will be exactly 1000 days since November the first 2013, which was, like I said, the date I stopped masturbating whenever I felt like it.

In any case, it's not easy not to cum. Not cumming itself is a piece of cake. It's all these huge decisions that make it hard. In my case I have noticed the most working solution is not make any kind of decision. 

Or, as a friend of mine once said when I was contemplating whether I should continue my chastity after one hundred days or so:

"I think you will decide to continue. Continuing would be the safest option. And you like it safe. I know you too well."     

11.7.2016

It's been a while since my latest blog post, so I thought it would be a high time for update of some sort. In fact I pondered a long time what to tell in this update. The thing is, kinky wise, sexual wise or even relationship wise the past month and a half has been a rather quiet one. 

One reason for this has been the fact I've been rather busy due to a couple of literary projects, as well as doing things for an event me and my Queen both attended. My Queen on the hand started working as soon as the projects were wrapped up, so there has been very few chances for us to spend time together.

It also seems the honeymoon phase when it comes to our relationship is over. During the last few months we have ended up in a series of little fights, or at least constant bickering, which is as energy consuming as it is unfortunate. We had nothing like this last summer, for example.  

We have analyzed this and realized the year and a half we've been together is roughly the same amount of time they say it takes the endorphin high caused by falling in love, to last. So it may be just chemistry, and suddenly the features in the other person start to annoy us more and more.

Therefore it is very unfortunate that at the same my Queen has felt very sexless. According to her she doesn't even feel horny most of the time, not even when she decides to masturbate. She says she could just as well not be masturbating, but decides to do it occasionally since it feels good. 

Even our diligent book keeping of her orgasms has therefore suffered. Truth to tell, I'm a bit unsure what to do with it. When we started it over a year ago it was supposed to do a fun thing, but now it seems to me bringing it up would only cause my Queen anxiety, and pressuring her is the last thing I want to do.

Her libido indeed seems to be going to sleep. Few weeks back we tried a bit of fooling around, after weeks and weeks of inactivity. Everything seemed to go well, when my Queen suddenly told me she had lost the feeling completely, and asked me to stop. So yes, sexual wise it's doesn't look good.    

This has of course also caused that she has become even less interested about my sexual frustration. Big round numbers have passed without her even noticing it. She has said to me it's hard for her to get interested about my horniness when her own orgasms are so trivial to her. She simply doesn't understand how it would be possible for someone to be all the time as horny as I seem to be.

The thing is, my libido on the other hand seems to be very alive and on the overdrive. The season we're having currently here in Finland isn't something one could call a hot sexy summer. In fact there has been almost as many chilly and rainy periods there has been periods of heat.

Even that amount of heat, however, seems to be enough to keep very aroused most of the time. Wearing only boxer shorts made out of very thin fabric and a sleeveless t-shirt, which is not only possible but also necessary during the hot days in my apartment, helps in staying horny, as does keeping one's naughty Tumblr open when I'm at my computer.

I have also continued collecting, photoshopping and uploading images on Captionable Fantasies, since that way I get the feeling at least something is happening in my sex life. Photoshopping photos of beautiful women so that other people can use them in doing chastity captions? Yes, I know. I'm weird.  

I admit that I am consciously trying to keep my sex drive alive. After all, as I'm writing this it's been eight and a half months of complete cumlessness. I've been in a similar situation before, and I do know libido can fall asleep. This time I'm trying actively to prevent it by giving the brain enough stimulus while I'm awake. I'm just surprised how well it seems to be working. 
  
Among other things this has all resulted into very strong morning erections. In fact for couple of weeks now I have had a rock hard erection every single morning. As incredible it is, sometimes they seem to last for hours. As soon as I get up they go away, though.  

A few days ago, for example I had the hottest wake-up call I've had in a long, long while. 

Before I had gotten into bed I had watched a couple of tease and denial videos, in which the poor blokes had been masturbated by a cruel lady. She had stopped long before the guys could cum, after which they had naturally tried to get some sort of friction by desperately humping the lady's hand, but only getting laughed at in return.

All of this went straight into my dream. In the dream my Queen was masturbating my hard cock. This should have been enough to tell me it was a dream, since a) my penis does not get hard in situations like that, and b) my Queen doesn't have a habit of doing anything like that. In the dream, however, she was, after informing me she had no intention of actually letting me cum.

I remember being somewhere between the dream and the waking world, squirming behind the sheets and realizing I had a raging erection. I was very turned on and had a very strong desire to cum. I recall whimpering a bit, almost as if what was taking place in the dream had actually been happening. It was hot beyond belief.

I even remember thinking that if I somehow went over the edge and had an "accident" it wouldn't be that bad, since I had no way of stopping it from happening, and it would take place after I had been thinking of my Queen. After I woke up I was very aroused, and remained that way most of the day. I also knew I wanted to tell about it to my Queen at the first opportunity, as we met later that day.

Naturally my Queen couldn't have cared less about my dream. In fact, when I brought the subject up again after a few days she said what I had told had been a very disturbing to hear, since it is something she wouldn't do in real life.

I have also seen a lot more dreams about myself masturbating than I usually do. More than I've ever had in my life, in fact. In the dreams I have somehow "forgotten" my ban, and am wanking off, usually since it serves some significant function in the dream. 

Usually I'm just about to cum in the dream, as I suddenly remember my ban, and that I'm supposed to keep my seed inside my testicles, and I stop. It seems not being allowed to cum is such an integral part of my personality I'm unable and unwilling to cum even if was only in a dream.

I also realized recently that in a couple of weeks' time it will be exactly one thousand days since I stopped masturbating and ejaculating whenever I felt like it. My faithful readers know that ejaculate has escaped from my testicles on eight instances during that time. But as for masturbating on my own, it been history for me since November 2013.

I feel I should celebrate it some way. Ejaculating is naturally out of the question, since I want 2016 to be completely cum free year for me, just as 2014 was, and to break my old 497 day record next spring. I'm at 231 days at the moment.

I know I  could beg my Queen for a permission to edge myself on that day, but I would have to be extra careful and not let myself cum. I wouldn't blame her if she decided not to grant me the permission even if I did decide to beg for it. Quite frankly, being as horny as I am, even I don't trust my body the slightest bit.