Sunday, September 27, 2015


This time I have quite a big news for you. My Queen has allowed me to cum. Or rather, made me cum.

I had no idea it would happen, and neither did she. This all took place several days ago, but I've been rather busy during the whole week. The time has also given me the opportunity to observe what kind of effect ejaculating may have had on me, if any.

The whole thing was very spontaneous and unplanned. We had spent most of the preceding weekend together, even though both of us would have other stuff to do, and we ended up on my place on Monday night as well. You tend to do that when you're in love.

As we were cuddling I mentioned to my Queen did she realize it was now 50 days since my last orgasm. A little while later, when she was teasing and edging me, she said she would actually want to see me cum. Apparently me telling her about the day count had given her the idea.

On the previous time, she said, she had been quite unprepared and said she may have missed something. She would like to see it properly now. She would like to see me cum. I was surprised, even scared to hear it, but if it was something she wanted, she could of course do it.

After all, I explained her afterwards, what point there would be, if I were "forced" to stay chaste, but it would actually be me who wants the chastity last for months and months, not her. If she wanted to see me cum, then I would have to cum.

However, we both wanted my orgasm to be a ruined one. It would have to be as little enjoyable for me as possible, and I would have to inform her when it would be best time to let go. In fact, even to see and hear her saying the words: "Yes, it is time to produce you a ruined orgasm" was extremely erotic.

At some point I also suggested it would be a good idea if I were to be stripped completely naked in front of her. After all, if we were actually going to produce me a ruined orgasm, it wouldn't be proper for me to have any kind of clothing. My Queen agreed to this and soon I was completely nude, while she was fully clothed. I must say it felt very natural. 

We were at it quite a long while. The idea behind it was to tease me as long as possible, to bring me close as many times as possible, before ultimately ruining the orgasm for me. She was very skilled at what she did, and I was soon very incoherent and horny beyond belief. 

My Queen even admitted I looked like I was. I can only imagine what I must have looked like. Face bright red, eyes glazed, and expression of confusion on my face. I was very horny it ws hard to think straight. I even moved her hands to my chest a few times, for her the feel the racing beat of my heart.

Finally we agreed it was time to bring me over the edge. My Queen started to play with me faster and faster, and just kept going. She had a very determined look on her face, with a trace of smile. All I could think was how beautiful she looked at that moment.

When I felt the wave of orgasm starting to build up and knew I had reached the point I couldn't stop the ejaculation, even if I wanted, I yelled "Let go!" and she did so. I felt the glorious wave of orgasm wash over me and felt something dribbling out of my penis.

Next thing I understood was my Queen laughing and it took me a while to understand what she was laughing at. Only few little drops of clear liquid had escaped from tip of my penis. Only few drops of cum, even though it had felt so glorious.

I had actually some doing, when I assured my Queen it had in fact been an orgasm, of sorts at least. It had started like a proper orgasm, but because my Queen had let go at such an early point, the curve of ecstasy, if you will, hadn't been so steep, and the orgasm had been cut short. 

It was the first proper, deliberately produced  ruined orgasm of my life, and I must say I liked it. It had all the elements of orgasm, the arousing, the teasing, the build-up of an orgasm, and even the climax, but it hadn't been as nearly as pleasurable as a "real" orgasm I feel don't deserve anymore.

What took place after that on the other hand was, in retrospection, a mistake. Or rather, an experiment we could have very well done without. However, it felt like a good idea at the time. After my Queen had tidied me a bit it occurred to me perhaps it would be fun if she tried to make me cum again, right away.

She liked the idea and started to play with me just the way she had did it earlier. After a while, however, I realized I wouldn't be able to cum this way. Therefore, still wanting to produce another ruined orgasm for my Queen, I asked a permission to bring myself to the edge myself.

My Queen complied, and in a matter of less than thirty seconds I brought myself to the edge, but let go of my penis when the orgasm started, something I had never done. I felt strange immediately afterwards. Sure, I had done my best for it to be a ruined orgasm, but still it had felt... way, way too good. Too good for me.

In fact it had felt almost like "actual" masturbating, followed with shooting out a big load of cum, something I hadn't experienced for almost two years now. The thought of it made me feel dirty beyond belief.

I had wanted to give my Queen a ruined orgasm, but had basically ended up masturbating "properly", in the way I had used to do it for years. The way that had been forbidden for me for such a long time now. The way I now realized I didn't miss one bit. It was too... masculine. And way too pleasurable.     

However, since I had done it under my Queen's supervision, and with her permission, it didn't feel nearly as bad as it had done when I had had a accident at home, or when we had unintentionally produced me an ruined orgasm together.

I felt strange and empty, yes. But this time there wasn't the shame, or regret. There wasn't even the usual post-orgasm depression males many times feel when they cool off after masturbating.  As I lay naked before my Queen I felt only... well, emptiness.

I told some of this to my Queen, and she asked had it been a ruined orgasm? I answered by asking her hadn't she saw me let go of my penis? Men don't do that when they are masturbating. My Queen answered she didn't know that, since this was the first time she had witnessed a male masturbating.

All in all, we both agreed the second ejaculation had been a mistake, and that it would have been best to stop after the first one. Even though my Queen had had difficulties understanding it had actually been an orgasm. 

I asked afterwards what she had thought I had looked liked the second time around. She said I had looked like I was suffering, and I told her it was true, but didn't she like to see me suffer? She answered that perhaps she does, but when it comes to orgasms, she much more prefers seeing me in ecstasy, not agony.

In terms of physiology and health the purging may have had positive effects. As my Queen was cleaning me up, she commented that my sperm looked a bit yellowish. I explained her it was to be expected. After all, the sperm had been in my testicles since August. 

I have tried to observe myself the past week, to find what kind effect, if any, the ejaculation may have had on me. After all, there has been times when I have been a nervous wreck afterwards, or times when I have felt almost as if by balls were boiling. Or, like my friend aptly put it: "Your testicles are now churning new stuff that wants out".

This time around there hasn't been anything like that. In fact the first night and day after the ejaculation I didn't feel any kind of erotic or romantic feelings at all, which was quite an unpleasant thing to realize, to say the least. 

I remember thinking that I should feel something more, that I should feel different. A bit like in romantic young adult novels, where a teenage girl thinks she should feel different after she had lost her virginity. Next day I had even difficulties remembering what had taken place the previous night.

The bottom line is, the ejaculation doesn't seem to have any kind of effect on me. I'm not less horny, but even less horny than I was before. This has puzzled me somewhat. Back in the day when I was first made to stay week without masturbating I remember going nuts after three days of chastity. 

Now it's been almost a week, and basically I feel... well, nothing. I have had to ask myself what is happening. Has my body, after all this time, actually gotten used to being without sexual release? It's a bit unsettling idea for a someone who likes sexual frustration as much as I do. But then again, what alternatives I have? 

Later this week I discussed a bit about the frequency of my orgasms with my Queen. I pointed out to her that after July I have now ejaculated, one way or another, every month. We both agreed this was way, way too often and a thing that should be done something to.  

Even though my Queen's plans to let me cum the next time when we make love were now changed that too will happen some time in the future. Time will tell what happens.

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