This is my first blog post in "Chaste Diary" in more or less six months. Many of you may have wondered what has happened to me. Rest assured, I'm still here. Still exploring my femininity, still building up my wardrobe and trying to make my everyday look as girly as possible, still feeling edging is the thing a sissy should do instead of sex or even cumming. I have been very busy and stressed the past months which has left me all too little time or energy to do so as much as I would have liked, though.
I never made a conscious decision to stop maing blog posts. It just felt in the beginning of the year I had nothing interesting, hot and steamy to tell you about, no new developments in defining my newfound sexuality, no new toys, no new adventures in the sissyland.
And the longer the pause became, the more I felt I should make some sort of big update of my life. And since writing one felt such a big task I kept putting it off. And the longer I put it off the harder it became. You all know how it goes.
I have, however, done a lot of thinking when it comes to gender, sexuality and the roles men and women have in our society, and I will do a post about it at some point. But there's way too much to say on the subject to go into it now.
I will, however, amuse you with another funny little thing, namely my penis. Or to be more precise, a new word I recently made up for it, and a one that I hope will catch on. I think the word descreibes the littl thing dangling between my legs perfectly, and I would just love using it.
The word is penisette.
Penisette is almost like a penis, but smaller. I like the word much more than "dicklette", which implies it has something to do with a real dick. Penisette sounds small, cute, soft and weak. As a proud owner of a penisette I hope it would catch on. I would just love using it.
“Cocklette” has the same issues than dicklette. I would be very uncomfortable using a word with "cock" in it to describe my little dangly part. I often use the word “clit” when speaking of my soft member, but with the world being as binary as it is, people (mostly heterosexual men) often get confused at that point. With penisette there aren't such problems.
What defines penisette isn't merely it’s size, but also it’s use. Penisette rarely is involved in intercourse or appears uncovered in the vicinity of a vagina. The owners of ones mostly relieve the sexual tension by rubbing their penisettes to achieve a some sort of seminal discharge.
That means, in plain terms, they do not get to fuck. Owners of a penisette do not get laid, or at least not very often.
That is not only because of the size of the member between their legs, because after all, there are other means a male can give woman an orgasm. Just as big factor is the mere existence of a penisette, the knowledge they have one.
Because of it they see themselves as inferiors, so called beta males. Males with penisettes simply lack the self-esteem and confidence to approach women. Their penisettes keep them single and without girlfriends.
Many times having a penisette leads only the feelings of inferiority but to sexual submission as well. In fact, the owners of penisettes also often get enjoyment from being sexually denied, and kept sexually frustrated. It is hard to say whether this is true in all cases, but is my case. My penisette has made me the sub I am.
One could even say this is the healthy way to deal with one's inferiority, to make it a fetish and a source of power and sexual energy, as well as a means to express it, by embracing your inferiority. The more destructive way is trying desperately to prove your mandhood to your own as well as the opposite sex, in many negative ways I don't want to go into here.
Often this also involves a need to be “locked up” by a some sort of chastity device. Many owners of penisettes, however, make the mistake of purchasing at first a cage designed for actual penises, which are way, way too big for penisettes. I own a nicely fitting one, but it took me some time to find one that’s small enough.
With penisettes being as small they are there is usually no need for extra space. In fact, the best cage for a penisette is one in which the penisette is pressed into the smallest amount of space possible, to create an incredibly secure and comfortable feeling. My tiny cage is about the size of the head of my penis, but it doesn't need no more room than that.
Naturally, many men with actual size, real penises, some of which even deserve to be called “cocks” do share the same fetish, as well. Their “need to be locked up” may be even more real and necessary than with those of us with penisettes.
The owners of penisettes also often keep them shaved. Not only does it look slightly bigger that way, or it can be at least seen that way, but it makes their owners to feel extremely feminine as well. The thing is, many owners of penisettes have developed a fetish for wearing female clothing and other types of “sissy” behavior.
In many cases this doesn't happen until they are middle-aged. My guess is it takes time to accept you are not actually a man, after years and years of trying to live up to it, and failing. After an owner of a penisette realizes this he usually becomes happier and more content when it comes to his role in life. Or her role, perhaps.
In some cases a penisette is also defined by its ability to get erect. The reasons for this can be various. In my case it is a combination of type one diabetes, age and most likely also psychological factors. But the good thing is, it is not supposed to get erect. I have gotten a great amount of joy from this fact over the years.
Penisette exists, not to get hard, or to have sex. Or at least that is not it’s primary or most suitable function. It’s there for its owner to play with it, which is great fun, perhaps to edge it hours in a row, perhaps to inflict pain by it in various wonderful and inventive ways, or simply to be ridiculed because of it.
The existence of a penisette is, after all, a constant reminder for anyone having one, of one’s place and role in the world.