This is my first post in some while. There is, however, reasons behind the silence, mostly having to do with my Queen. And much of it isn't good. I will explain.
I'm aware that by providing only a limited amount of information about her, or choosing carefully what to tell and what not to, I may have created an impression of a mysterious sex goddess. This post will most likely change your idea of her somewhat.
The thing is, she is only a human being. A young woman, who is, after her own description, a huge bundle of problems. She has issues that has made our sexual life perhaps less wild and adventurous than it could have been, and she admits it all herself. However, she is also a woman I love very, very much.
At the time of the holiday season she informed me it seemed some of her old demons seems to be making a comeback with full force. She spent several weeks around Christmas at her parents, and that much time must have been enough for the old nightmares to emerge again.
She had mentioned this side of her to me previously, but only during the last month or so I have understood how powerful these demons of hers truly are.
I don't want to go into too much detail, but the demons in question have to do with anxiety, hypochondria, and at times almost constant certainty that she is going to die, even though there's no reason for her to think so. It doesn't sound much, but believe me, it is.
I have tried to be there for her as much as I've could, but one can do only so much. It hurts seeing the woman you love being in so much pain, in so much anguish, and knowing there is nothing one can do to help, or to make it all go away.
I have told her she needs to seek professional help, since this is something that clearly isn't normal or healthy anymore. In fact, according to her this all is something that has burdened her for the good part of her life. She is well aware of this, and she is currently doing just that.
I do hope things will start to get better at some point. However, after being in a long term relationship with a depressed person I'm painfully aware it's not an easy road. In any case, the past month has been hard and strength-consuming for both of us.
This has all resulted into diminished sex drive in her as well as in me. It's hard to feel sexy if the woman you love and adore doesn't feel it either, or is in as bad state as she is. Some way I even feel I don't have the right to feel horny, or think about sexual matters in this situation.
However, my Queen has bad days, and she has good days. At the moment we both hope the phase she has been the past couple of weeks was the rock bottom. At least during the last week or so there has been positive development and even some steamy stuff between us. But first, a bit of background.
You may remember I mentioned issues my Queen has when it comes to sexual matters. Some of these issues have to do with her reluctance of doing certain things with our bodies and the fact sex is so messy business to begin with. Her reluctance when it comes for example intercourse hasn't been a problem for me, since it has never appealed to me much either, especially considering my impotence.
What is unfortunate, however, is the fact that this reluctance also involves being in close contact with my tiny member. In fact it took literally months before she was ready to look at it, let alone hold it. She has said that, as preposterous as it sounds, the idea of having to ultimately be in contact with a penis simply didn't occur to her at the time we started dating.
I have made my best not to push her into anything, and over time being in close contact with my private parts has become less and less difficult for her, but it has been a long road. However, the act of me masturbating for her, a thing I have fantasized, and would just love to do, simply for the humiliation aspect, is something she has said she really doesn't want to see.
I know this all sounds like I'm dating a lesbian. It's true I have anguished many times whether I would appal her less if I had vagina instead of penis. In fact I would get one in a flash, if it were possible, or we lived in a world imagined by science fiction author John Varley, where getting a sex change is almost as easy as getting a haircut.
Reconciling all of this hasn't been easy, and there has been times it had taken a toll on me, as well, in terms of mental health. Seeing her acting the way she does has at times made me feel there is something wrong with me. There has to be, if touching it is so appalling?
However, we have had long conversations about this, and she insists she would be almost as much freaked about doing things with a vagina, and I have no option but to believe her. Penises, she says, merely are so much more alien to her. As alien as vaginas have been to me the most part of my life. We're a weird couple, I know.
I have been well aware from the very beginning my girlfriend is bisexual. I don't have any problems with it, since it is clear she loves me. I've also been more than flattered to realize it is my feminine qualities that made her to fall in love with me in the first place. In me, we've joked, she has both a boyfriend and a girlfriend, all in one.
After we started joking about it, I have been more than happy to play along with her desire to put makeup on me, and to make me to look more like a girl. I find these situations unbelievably erotic and humiliating, and I also love to see the excitement in her eyes as she does it, at keeps telling how much more beautiful I become because of it. She has said on number of occasions how envious she is of my full and luscious lips.
Therefore, it is unfortunate her sexual preference, or rather it manifesting the way it does seems to trouble her way much more than it does me. There has been number of times she has cried in my arms about the erotic dreams she keeps having. Just as her reluctance to sexual matters in general, we've gathered, this too is caused by her upbringing.
I have tried to console her and told her over and over again that it doesn't matter to me. If anything, it's bit of a turn-on. Or, at least a compliment that she still chose me, over all the other girls in the world.
In the light of all this it is somewhat strange how madly in love we are. At least she seems to be as crazy about me as I'm crazy about her.
I have explained the situation we're in order you to better understand what comes next. This all has a huge importance to me, even though my Queen didn't quite grasp it at first.
Some days ago I was spending time with my Queen's apartment. After some rough days her anxiety appeared to be more tolerable, and she seemed to be in the mood for some hanky panky. It was quite a while she had been so the last time. I also got the impression she preferred me taking the first step.
Things simply didn't feel to click, however. After almost an hour going round and round the subject I mentioned to her that she had never answered me when I asked her on a chat what would she think if I did masturbate regularly like a normal guy. My Queen seemed a bit uncomfortable, and finally admitted she wouldn't like the idea.
Now, you must understand that for a good part of our relationship I have been aware that being in chastity is my thing, not my Queen's, and that I have been very fortunate she is so open minded as she is. She's not dominant by nature, and she has told it to me herself, that keeping a guy in chastity was never a thing she fantasized about.
In other words, what she now said seemed almost too good to be true. I asked her about it again, heart starting to beat faster, did she really mean that. I took her face in my hands and asked she really didn't like the idea of me masturbating? Even when I'm at home by myself? That she really preferred me chaste, and denied?
She answered yes to all of these questions, and something indescribable happened. I was engulfed by some sort of sexual frenzy and was masturbating her furiously in matter of few moments. It was, after all, all I could do, since masturbating myself, something my body wanted me to do, was naturally out of question. It didn't take long for me to give my Queen an orgasm.
My Queen had to run off to a lecture soon after that, so there was no time for much post-orgasmic cuddling. I was, however, head high in the clouds for the rest of the day. In fact after I got back home simply thinking about our short conversation made me so horny I got to experience the sweet, tormenting waves of horniness during which you think you could cum in your pants simply by thinking about it.
Therefore it was quite a surprise for me, when we later discussed the events of the morning with her, and she told me she didn't much remember what we had talked about, only the result. Even after I refreshed her memory she seemed a bit hesitant, even reluctant to talk about it.
Finally she admitted the reason for it. It seems this is one of the things she has feel guilty about. Not wanting to see or touch my penis, or doing much about anything with it, not thinking about me masturbating, let alone cumming. It seems she feels this is something she shouldn't feel, that it's abnormal and wrong.
In fact, she finally admitted, when I had originally had gathered up my courage, and told her almost a year ago now, that I had been in self-imposed masturbation ban at that time way over a year, she was more than just okay with. She had been relieved.
She told me that prior to it she had thought I must masturbate on my own, just like any other guy, but she had tried not to think about it. After I revealed to her what I thought to be a cause of shock for her, she was more than just not freaking out had. She had actually been pleased.
I admit I have gotten perhaps overly enthusiastic about this new turn of events, way more than her at least. I have tried to make my Queen to understand how wonderful I think this all is. What she feels isn't anything she needs to feel least bit guilty about. I don't care if she doesn't like the idea of me masturbating. As far as I'm concerned she can hate it and my male slime as much as she likes.
What I've basically went on and on about is that she is free to embrace her distaste for it, or the appeal of the idea of me being pure, chaste and denied, as much as she likes. After all, isn't this a perfect quality for someone in charge of other persons orgasms? Of a person who desired and longs for being denied? What she feels could have been a problem if she dated a normal guy, granted. With us, however, it seems this is merely one thing that makes us perfect for each other.
What I have said seems finally to be sinking in. The other day she even mentioned she's a bit amazed I'm so good at turning things around, and making disadvantages advantages. But what else is there for me to do?
One could say that even though nothing hasn't changed in our relationship, everything has. It's as in lighting of an interior has changed. Everything is at the same exact place they were before, but everything looks different. At least for me it does.
This has been a log update, with very little actually happening in it, in terms of steamy action at least. If anyone managed to wade through it all the way to here, I salute you. At another level however, this may be the most significant post I have made so far.
What will all of this mean for our relationship? I really can't say. All I can say that at the moment it makes me feel more grateful and fortunate than ever before.
Usually around new year one is supposed to look back, reflect the past year and make resolutions for the next one. In this blog post I intend to do just that, but in the form of statistics, one could say.
From a certain perspective one could say 2015 was a failure for me, in terms of chastity at least. After 2014, a year that was totally cum free for me, I ended up letting ejaculate escape my testicles eight times in 2015. In my defence I can only say that I was, after all, in a relationship the whole time, which demands one to make compromises.
Like all faithful readers of my blog know, this year has been a full of things I had no idea about last January. The biggest thing to happen in terms of my chastity project took place in March. At that point I finally managed to gather enough courage to tell my girlfriend I hadn't orgasmed by my own free will since November the first, 2013.
To my great surprise and relief my girlfriend was totally cool about it, and was kind enough to take control of my orgasms. At that point forward it wasn't up to me anymore whether I orgasmed or not
During my girlfriend's visit before the holiday season we noticed that according the statistics I keep, that day, 18th of December, was the 777th day since the last time I masturbated and ejaculated by my own free will. During that that time there has been only the eight discharges I mentioned.
All of the instances have either been very unpleasurable accidents, ruined "orgasms" or ones done by command, and had taken place in the course of last 270 or so days. In that time my Queen had orgasmed over 110 times. This makes the ratio between her orgasms and my ejaculations under 0,07.
Even if we look at only the past year, the average is one ejaculation in every 45 days. Considering there was once a time when a day without masturbation was a wasted one for me, once in 45 days is still pretty good, wouldn't you say?
Naturally we both agreed, as I discussed the matter with my Queen, that the past few chastity periods had been way, way short. Granted, the longest one in 2015 was 73 days but the shortest one was mere 21 days, which is pitifully short time. In November there had even been two ejaculations in consecutive days.
In case someone is interested, here is the same information as spreadsheet. Yes, I like to keep things organized, including my chastity.
Green, which isn't seen in the chart above, since it last took place in 2013, would mark days I have been free to cum whenever I wish. Red marks the chaste days and purple the days I have been chaste supervised by my Queen.
Black marks accidental ruined orgasms that have happened on my own and grey marks close calls with orgasmic build-up but no physical release. These have taken place both on my own and with my Queen.
Dark red ones mark the days I have been in total masturbation or edging ban supervised by my Queen. Both of us agreed it would be a good idea to put me one, due to numerous accidents I had had.
And finally, pink marks the ruined orgasms given to me by me Queen, and light blue ones orgasms I've had under the supervision of my Queen, but that have felt too good to me to be called ruined anymore.
There are also a few dates I have marked with black outline and that have a specific meaning.
The 16th of March is naturally the day I told to my Queen about the whole project, and my fascination in being kept denied. November the 1st marks the day two years had passed since the day I last had the chance to masturbate and cum by my own free will.
22nd of April is the day we started keeping track with my Queen of her orgasms. In that time between that date and end of the year my Queen managed to have all in all 123 orgasms. A difference of 115 orgasms between her and mine is not a bad one, wouldn't you say?
One of the things that has pleased me a great deal during the past year, and to which I may have not given enough credit for, is also the fact that my Queen has been equally excited of my statistics as I have.
As you can see from the chart, no, my it doesn't look nearly as clean and neat as the one from year ago looked like. The year 2014 was completely red for me, with no close calls, or ejaculations of any kind, ruined or otherwise. However, in 2014 I was all alone with my project.
The times I'm most disappointed of and regret the most are naturally the two unpleasurable edging accidents in March and July. Especially considering the first one took place only three days before reaching 500 days. It is still hard to understand my body could be betray me like that.
Also the times marked with light blue are the ones, in August an November, are the ones I wish hadn't happened. Both of them took place in the presence of my Queen, as well as with her permission, and they were supposed to be ruined ones as well.
However, even though I did take my hand away well in advance we both agreed they looked and felt too much like "real" orgasms. It felt just like the ones I used to have on my own. Quick, efficient, pleasurable and selfish. "You are way too good at masturbating yourself", my Queen commented, and I quite agree.
In fact, when I look back, the biggest thrill I get thinking about the orgasms I have had with my Queen that were totally ruined, and gave me only a little physical pleasure. The fact that I had to work for them, and they were done by my Queen's sweet hands, make them all so much precious to me.
I don't have the habit of making resolutions, but if I did, one one of them would be that in 2016 all my orgasms would be perfectly ruined ones. And that there would be as few of them as possible.
At the time of my Queen's visit in December it had been mere 25 days since I last ejaculated. Therefore we didn't even consider the possibility of making me cum, as a Christmas present for example. It also excited us both to know that by the time we would see each other the next time, long after the end of the holiday season, the count would be closing 50.
Truth to tell, it's been a way too long time since I've been without cumming over 50 days and I hope I would be allowed to be denied for at least 70 days, or more. I had expressed my very strong desire about it even before my Queen's visit, but the most I had gotten from her was that we would have get to 50 days first.
However, just a mere few days ago we came up with a new plan to make the following months more exciting.
At the time I was chatting online with my Queen, and during it she informed me about her latest orgasm, which I have asked her to do. At that point I noticed that the number of her orgasms after my last ejaculation exceeded the most recent record.
I told her the next step would be 32 orgasms. My Queen was a bit hesitant first, and asked was I really suggesting that I wouldn't be allowed to cum before she reached that number?
After all, the 32 orgasm record was made in the summer, at a time when we had quite a busy sex life. Due to our personal lives, as well other things I won't go into here, reaching the 14 orgasms in the fall had taken her almost the same time.
If we put our goal there, my Queen said, the next time I could cum would be very, very far in the future indeed. After I had assured her that was exactly what I wanted, she gave in. It is now agreed she will have to reach that number before she even considers making me cum.
Naturally we both agreed there would be no pressure for her. She will continue masturbating at her own leisure, when she feels like it, not a bit more often than that. I do feel this is a win-win situation, though. It is now in my best interests to encourage and help my Queen to orgasm as much as possible.
It is nice to know you have good things waiting for you in the future, wouldn't you say?
It's been a while since the last update. Reason for it is the holiday season, as well the fact that my Queen is spending it with her relatives. This means we won't see each other for almost three weeks.
In fact for a while it looked we wouldn't be able to see each other at all before Christmas. Fortunately that didn't came to be and we had a chance to spend a day together before the holiday madness.
We had both been very productive in our vanilla lives the preceding week or two, and felt it would have been very unfair we wouldn't have had a chance to see each other at all.
However, ultimately it worked out and my Queen spent a night at my place. Originally our plan was to hang together only that one night, due to my travel plans. I decided to change my plans, however, to be able to spend a little more time with her, which meant we had a good part of the next day for ourselves as well.
What was very unfortunate though was the fact that Mother Nature had once again decided to make her monthly appearance at that time. This meant the visit included only a lot of cuddling, teasing and general fooling around.
The most important thing to take place during her visit was naturally the fact I got to tell my Queen about the rubber chastity cage I had purchased. I had told her beforehand I had news for her, and as you may guess, I was very, very nervous when it came the time to actually tell them to her.
So, it was a great relief for me she didn't freak out. One could even say she was mostly curious about it, above anything else. She was also as astonished as I was about the price of the toy. Like I told her, it is the best 11 euros I've ever spent.
In fact, I told her, it had been almost a week since I had picked the device up, and in that short time it had become a very dear toy to me. Having fun with it, without my Queen even knowing about the purchase, felt almost as if I had "cheated" on her.
After showing her the toy I showed her my two earlier blog posts, since they were, after all, written for her, first and foremost. She seemed to enjoy reading them, and I heard her giggling a bit while she did it.
I was also very pleasantly surprised hearing her say, in the course of the time we were together, that the cage doesn't look creepy or perverse on me, only very natural. Natural, secure and safe. I still can't believe my luck I've managed to find a girl like her.
She was naturally eager to see how I put it on, before going to bed. As I had told her, the best results I get when I first tape up my penis a pit, before putting it to the cage. I had done it numerous times on my own, but doing it when she watched and pointed the nightstand light towards me, was quite an experience nevertheless.
What was interesting was also the observation she made about my testicles. According to her they now look much more soft, loose and "detached" from my body. Having never worn the device it's hard to say whether this is normal or not.
Then again, like I've said, using the device has become more and more comfortable over time, so it's safe to assume my testicles are being "molded" in the process as well. However, I don't feel any pain on my testicles, so it's hard to be concerned about the change my balls seem to be undergoing.
After all the effort it would have been nice if I had gotten a nice erection during the night, and she would have seen how the device looks when my penis is trying its very best to get hard inside it. Or how much in discomfort I look, as I feel it throbbing inside the tight rubber tube.
No such luck, however. I can only hope I can offer her that experience at some later date.
In any case, going to bed with her, with the cage on and limp penis taped up inside it was itself an incredible feeling. In fact more incredible I could have ever believed. As we spooned next to each other and both started to fall asleep it felt so good being locked up, and secure, next to her.
As I said, we had the good part of the next day for ourselves, but not all of it. There wasn't a lot of time, a mere hours to tell the truth, but we spent it the best way we could.
All in all I'm very very pleased my Queen seemed to feel as comfortable playing with me while I was wearing the device. Among other things she sort of tickled the head of my penis through the very small opening at the side of the device.
The hole wasn't bigger than a fingertip, but I believe she could have made me ejaculate inside the device if she had kept doing it. Naturally I warned her way in advance when it started feeling too good, and she stopped, since neither of us wanted me to cum.
We also tried, for fun, the actual procedure of "locking me up". The device I own came with a miniature lock, but since I've been mostly playing with the device on my own, and since it stays on perfectly well without the lock I haven't felt need to use the lock.
Even though it was just a play, I must admit that just laying there, watching my Queen searching for the hole for the lock and then, finally... clicking the lock shut filled me with such excitement.
We also tried using the vibrator on the rubber device the way I described in my earlier blog post. However, we noticed that apparently I need to be turned on from the start, for the vibration to have any effect. No matter how long I used the vibrator on the rubber device I got nowhere near the edge I experienced and described earlier.
Playing with the vibrator did however, lead us into different kind of playing. Seeing me using the vibrator on myself, as I lay on the bed beside her, seemed to please my Queen and she made a remark on how full and red my lips were, and that how pretty I would look if she put some lipstick on.
"W-why don't you put some then?" I said, using the vibrator and feeling very feminine, not to mention submissive.
"You would like that?", she said.
"Y-yes I would", I said, almost whispering, and my voice shaking. The scenario had made me tremble with excitement and shame at the same time. "Please, put lipstick on me. I want to be pretty for you."
Yes, I admit, I was somewhere very deep in some "sub space" at that point, but saying all those things did feel good, as well as the thoughts behind them.
She started with something one could call a traditional lipstick, and that was rather conservative shade. After she told me she had also with her lipstick that was more red I asked if she tried it too. It was a one you apply with a tiny brush. Putting the latter on felt weird, and I must say I liked the first one better, merely for its symbol value.
It took me a while, though, to gather enough courage to go and see myself in a mirror. It is, after all, one thing being submissive to your girlfriend. It is another thing entirely to actually see your own face with lisptick on, for the first time in my life.
I didn't freak out, in a manner I kind of was afraid. It looked... strange. Even though it wasn't "me" in the way I'm used to seeing myself, it wasn't obscene or ridiculous. My Queen agreed and said the lipstick looked "surprisingly natural" on me.
She even teased me about it a bit and told that if I took a picture of lips with lipstick on, really shaved properly beforehand and perhaps even photoshopped the remaining stubble away, cropped it so it showed only the lips and a little bit of the face around it, and put it as a profile picture on some fetish site, I would get so much attention.
In fact she said, as she amazed them, that I have so much better lips than she has, it makes her envious. This all was pretty strange to hear, but I admit, rather nice as well.
We also had a bit of fun of talking about me being both her boyfriend as well as girlfriend, all in one. I had said to her earlier, and said it again, that it doesn't mind me if she thinks me as her girlfriend.
The thing is, my Queen has sexual attraction for women as well, and lately she has had related erotic dreams, which has caused her much anxiety. I have told her over and over again I don't mind it, and that I'm totally cool about it.
Naturally I don't want her to feel bad over something she doesn't have control over, especially since I know how much she loves me. Our little game, so to speak, was my way of trying to make her feel better.
We even went as far as playing with the idea that we could now both start calling my penis, not a penis but a clitoris. One that just a bit overgrown, but still a clitoris, not a penis. "It would be a lot less intimidating that way", she said.
After all this it may feel a bit contradictory that before she left my place I got to show off for her my upper body muscles. The thing is, I have lately tried to build some mass into them, since I know my Queen also likes well formed arms, shoulders and backs.
She seemed to like me posing for her quite a lot, and told me she indeed has in me, both a girlfriend, but also a very good looking boyfriend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be this happy, I know.
It's been now a couple days since I got my new cheap-o chastity device. During those couple of days I have examined a bit how the little thing works. One could even say I have experimented on myself. I will try to put my thoughts down about it on this post.
The main observation when it comes to the device is more or less the same I made earlier. You get what you pay for, and the cheap device is far from something one can wear 24/7.
On the other hand I never thought it possible to have this much fun with a small piece of rubber. I like the feeling I have when it's on, and I seem to have become more and more used to wearing it around the house.
The biggest thrill I've had using it are the times I have put it on for the night. It is such a wonderful feeling waking to your penis trying desperately to get hard in the small hollow tube. There hasn't been the kind of super-hot wake up calls I got the first night, but some nice hours of early morning nevertheless.
The biggest minus point in the device is still the tightness of the ring you place behind the testicles. For that exact reason I haven't been able to use it nearly as much as I wanted.
I must say still find this somewhat surprising. The ring I use is the largest one of those who came with the device, and the smallest one is only half in diameter. Also, I've seen pictures of chastity devices with rings much, much smaller, as well as pictures people wearing them. I never realized my testicles were that huge.
It may also be a good idea to put some minds at ease at this point, since several people seemed to get alarmed and were concerned for my well-being, as I posted my observations on the fetish site where I got the encouragement to purchase the device in the first place.
I am not using the device all the time, the way chastity device is "supposed" to be used. It is clear the device isn't for constant use, and I have never intended to wear it 24/7. I got the device merely as a toy, something I can torture my penis with, since I am not allowed to masturbate anymore.
Okay, further observations. Even though I came to a different conclusion on the first night, I noticed it is possible to go outside wearing it. Taken you have plenty of long underwear on, as well as a winter coat that's long enough. I have done my grocery shoppings once in a shop around the corner, and I'm quite sure no had no idea what was in my underpants.
Another interesting observation was also the fact that it is possible to tease myself by pressing a vibrator next to the chastity device. In fact one could say this is almost too effective method of teasing.
The rubber around my genitals transmits the vibration to my penis and balls so well it feels as if the device becomes a part of the vibrator itself. When I tried it the first time I had to stop after a ten seconds, even on lowest setting, because it felt way, way too good, and I feared I would cum. No wonder they use it on chastity device and ruined orgasm porn so much.
However, as it later on turned out, for this to work, I will have to be already sexually aroused. It seems at the time of my experiment I was, even though I didn't realize it. More on that later.
The third observation I made was a bit unsettling one. As I tried to urinate with the device on for the first time I noticed the chastity device, or rather the tight ring around the testicles, prevents it effectively. I know that in long term chastity one is supposed to urinate with it on, but due to the tightness of the ring, nothing came out, no matter how hard I pushed.
This observation especially alarmed some people and they were concerned for the well being for my bladder, or kidneys. I tried to put their minds at easy with the best of my abilities.
In fact I have given my poor bladder some hard time during my life, since it happens to be one of my fetishes. A rather unusual fetish I've noticed, since there's lot of stuff about female desperation around, but virtually nothing from a male point of view. But I digress.
I've also had a bit of fun examining what it feels like watching porn while wearing a chastity device. Not masturbating, or even playing with yourself. Just lying there, in front of you big screen TV that is connected to your computer. I must say the experiences has been interesting to say the least.
Usually when one watches porn the idea is to masturbate as you do it. Naturally I have watched porn even when I've been in chastity, but usually I've had the chance of at least fondle myself a little, even if weren't masturbating, or edging. This time however, there was the chastity device involved.
One could say having it on somehow enhances the experience. It makes it so much concrete somehow. One has no option but to just to lay there. Just watching, getting aroused as hell, but still feeling your impotent penis limp in your chastity device, and knowing you can't do anything. Nothing but suffer.
I've also started to enjoy what my locked penis looks in its cage. Or rather, how I look wearing it. I've seen pictures of men wearing them for years now, and it took me a while to understand that is is actually me in the mirror, a man with small restricting cage around his scrotum.
Even though admitting it sounds a very un-manly thing to say, I'm saying it nevertheless. It looks very beautiful when I'm caged. I look beautiful. I look so... secure, safe and chaste. So harmless, useless and impotent. It feels so natural somehow.
The latest, the most interesting and so far the most disappointing of my experiments took place last night. I have lately have trouble with my sleep rhythm, and even though I went to the bed quite early, I woke up at 3 AM awake as a bird.
I had my device on and I was rather disappointed nothing had happened during the time I had been asleep. Then a nasty idea came into my head.
Some time ago me and my Queen had used Viagra, in trying to wake my limp dick from its slumber. I hadn't worked. It had caused mild swelling, but nothing that could be used in fucking. It seems my impotence is way beyond the help of Viagra.
But what would happen if took Viagra with the device on? That is, after all, the image one often comes across in chastity device tease porn. Put a guy in chastity, give him Viagra, give him a beautiful body to look at and watch him writhe in agony. Well, the reality turned out to be very different, in my case at least.
My initial idea was to pop the pill continue my sleep and wake up with a nice morning erection boosted by Viagra.
However, very quickly I noticed the familiar side effects of Viagra has for me, as I lay in the darkness. That is, blushing of the face, elevated heart beat and, when I put the lights on a little while later, everything looking strangely bluish.
What surprised me somewhat was the feeling of being flushed. It was a familiar side effect to me, but in previous occasions I had been in bed with a woman. In that kind of situation you are supposed to be red in the face. The fact that the same thing happened to me now took my by surprise.
All this made it quite impossible to sleep and I even had to suppress a mild panic attack I sometimes have in situations like this. Truth to tell, it was not entirely comfortable situation.
Since there wasn't anything better to do, I decided to try whether I could make something to happen down there. I took out the vibrator and tried it on the chastity device, but this time nothing happened, not even on higher setting.
It seems it's true what I've thought for a long time, a mere physical stimulation has no effect whatsoever on me in terms of arousal, with or without the help of Viagra. And that I do not work good under pressure, whether it is a woman I try to get hard for, or a chastity device. In fact, I could say I have rarely been that un-aroused as I was at that moment.
As for Viagra, it seems it really doesn't work for me. Taken the desired effect isn't trying to look like I've a nearsighted sprinter after a hundred-meter run.
All in all, I can't deny being disappointed. As I write this it's two and a half hours since I popped the pill, and colours are slowly getting back to normal, even though I still feel rather flushed. Then again, I'm again one experience richer. And I have one proof more that life isn't porn.
PS. I find it somewhat curious though, what happened after I wrote and posted the text above. Completely exhausted I crashed into bed with the device on and managed to get sleep a few hours more. So, imagine my surprise as I woke up to simply delicious discomfort, as my penis tried desperately to get hard into its cage.
After enjoying it, and writhing in bed for quite a while I finally gave showed some mercy to it and took the device off. It was hard to believe how big it got in matter of seconds. It was over twice the length of the device, and as I teased it a bit it stood like crazy. Sometimes I simply don't understand my body.
This blog post is quite a different one, compared to some of the last few ones I've published. Most of it was written several days ago, but I can publish it only now. I will explain.
Like most of you probably remember, some time ago, when my penis took quite a damage and having a band aid on it made it feel like having a chastity device on, I started to think about the idea of actually getting one.
The quality models, however, I noticed, cost way, way too much and I had to drop the idea. Also the conversation I had with my girlfriend, during which she said that even if the idea is fun as a fantasy, putting me into one and taking the key would be a bit too much for her, made me to reconsider it.
The idea kept going on and on in my mind, however, and to tell the truth, for days I couldn't think anything but. Especially after I came across on eBay with a model that didn't cost much more than ten euros, and promised a free delivery, I became almost obsessed with the idea.
Also having fun with medical tape after my penis had healed up, putting it on my penis before I go into bed, and hoping I will wake up to a painful erection during the night as my penis tries to get hard, made me wonder whether a chastity device would have similar effect.
Finally, after getting encouraging feedback from the fetish site I am, I decided to risk it and ordered the device. I knew what my girlfriend had said, but then again, I thought, she had bought herself sex toys some time ago without telling me about, so I had a right to buy toys for myself, just as well.
I was being told you usually get what you pay for, but I felt ten euros was a sum I could risk losing, instead of investing over hundred euros to it. Also, being as cheap as it was, I knew I wouldn't most likely be able to keep the device on for 24/7. However, I had no such plans, so what did I have to lose?
Finally, last Friday the package arrived and I picked it up the next day. I was excited and giddy, for a reason. There was a thing both me and me my girlfriend attended that day, and after it she asked whether I would like come to sleep at her place, even though she had said earlier she needed time to study.
I was tempted, but for once I thought we needed to be sensible, so I declined. It was also partly because the temptation to tell her about the package I had with me would have been a great one, and I wanted to open and try the device on by myself, just in case it turned out a really, really bad purchase.
So, last night I came home and opened the package. Here are the first impressions. Firstly, it seems it's true what they say. You do get what you pay for. The device was made of silicone, basically a very cheap rubber, and looking at it I could see one could get out of it with sturdy scissors. Also, I have to admit, it looks way much better in the picture.
I was also bit surprised to discover, as I put it on, that even though I had picked that particular model because it was extra tiny, my limp dick filled it only half way. The main problem with the fitting, however, was that tube was slightly too thin for my penis, making it stuck to the walls.
In fact part of the problem was my penis is so short the head even doesn't reach the space reserved for it in the end, but is stuck in the halfway. Trying to reach it through the opening in the end and pull it forward by fingers won't help either, because the penis is simply so small.
Even bigger problem, however, was the part you put behind the testicles. Even though I picked the biggest of the several rings that came with the product, it was really, really tight for my testicles. It seems I indeed have small penis but huge balls. In fact the ring squeezed them rather painfully, making me doubt it was safe to even to try sleeping with it on.
I also realized, after putting some clothes on, that this definitely wasn't the kind of a device you could wear 24/7. The device was quite visible even when I had my pants on, and the pins keeping it together could be seen through the fabric.
So, it was not a complete success, at first, and when I was going to bed I was somewhat disappointed, and pretty sure I had wasted my money. At some point of the night I even took the device off because having it of hurt too much, and put it on my night table.
After a quick visit to the fridge I put some tape on my penis, from sheer frustration, and continued my sleep. Some time later, if I recall correctly, I decided to give the device one more try and stuffed my taped penis into the tube and put the device on again.
What happened then was one of the intense sexual experiences I have ever experienced without another person involved.
During the night my penis had started to get hard, like I hoped it would, but thanks to the tape and the rubber tube around it, there was no way it could do that. My mind did what human mind in situations like this does, and attempted to make the sensation a part of my dream.
In the dream I was up, and walking about at my place, and being very turned on, with a huge erection. I wasn't masturbating it, but I remember being so turned on I considered what it would feel to cum, and to get all that sperm out. However, even in my frenzied state, I knew wasn't supposed to.
Then I woke up, feeling disoriented and realized what was happening. I believe a sweet, satisfied smile appeared on my face, as I removed the bedsheet to see what was taking place dowstairs. It had worked, and I was happy beyond belief.
I squirmed, and writhed in my bed as I enjoyed the sensations. It was so tormenting, so frustrating and so abso-friggiging-lutely hot I was going out of my mind. I felt my balls were about to burst and I felt the uncontrollable urge to empty them. I felt my penis throb and pulsate in the tight rubber tube, but I knew I had no chance, or desire, to touch it.
As the erection started to go away gradually I was able to think a bit more coherently, even though I was still extremely aroused. I examined the rubber device I had on and turned it left and right. It felt extremely good, and I even tried to "jerk off" with it on, that is to say, pulled the device a few times up and down as if I had been holding my penis.
It was frustrating, but as I did it, I also realized that, if in my turned on, frenzied state, I kept doing it, I would have no trouble whatsoever to make myself cum inside it. So, as far as purely from chastity point of view, my new toy was all but "secure". I even tried to imagine how frustrating it would feel, to have such ruined orgasm.
A bit later I also noticed, not even that turned on anymore, that if I lay on my side and the device was between my thighs, and I squeezed it lightly, the rubber tube changer its form a bit, resulting in quite a nice sensation on my penis. I suspected I could have make myself cum quite easily that way aw well. It seemed I had much more chances to make myself with the device on than having nothing on my penis.
Finally I got up, still disoriented, and decided it would be best to put down my thoughts, when they still were fresh in my memory. I'm writing this on my computer, the device still on. My penis is once again in its shrunken state, filling not even the third of the tube's length.
My balls seem to have adapted to the ring around them, and it doesn't feel nearly as uncomfortable as it did earlier. This is most likely due to the fact the rubber part has bit itself into them, and it will hurt when I take it off.
I know I will have to take it off sooner or later, but at the moment, I just don't want to. Not because I know taking it off will hurt, but because having it on feels too good.
So, maybe the ten or so euros weren't completely wasted, after all.
PS. This post is being published only after I have told to my girlfriend about the purchase, for her enlightenment as well as enjoyment. I love you.
"This is the night, it's a beautiful night..."
It seems that lately every other blog post of mine has started the same way. This one is no exception. I got to spend another weekend with my Queen. It was doubly exciting for us, since it also marked the one-year anniversary of our relationship.
For both of us going to see a certain movie together a year ago marks the starting point of our relationship, even though at the time neither of us was sure whether it was actually a date. Despite the fact we most likely couldn't have been more nervous, even we had call it a date.
To celebrate the day we dined in an authentic Italian style restaurant that's so popular one needs to have a table reservation there. It may sound common practice to some of you, but that's way beyond fancy for me. It wasn't exactly out of "Lady and the Tramp" but not far off either.
Like all faithful readers of my blog know, last weekend with her turned out rather steamy. Considering all this, it's no wonder I had all sort of romantic conceptions in my mind about the upcoming weekend. As far as the sex goes I sort of expected we would have simply continued where we left off. Unfortunately that was not the case, not at first at least.
The thing is, after the previous weekend my Queen had experienced some pain in her nether regions, as well as other symptoms, despite the fact I had tried to be as gentle with her as possible. Whatever the reason for the symptoms was, my Queen was understandably not in the mood for any hanky panky on Saturday.
Well, actually that's not entirely the case. At least if you count wearing your girlfriend's underwear as hanky panky. I will explain.
Some days earlier we had chatted online and I had mentioned her the underwear she had left at my place for me to wash. One thing led to another and I ended up trying them on as we chatted. My Queen was rather surprised to hear they fit me.
Naturally, my Queen said, she would be interested to witness it first hand as well. She also mentioned she has several pairs of panties she bought some time ago, but soon realized she doesn't like very much. She could perhaps donate some of them to me to wear.
So, after we had arrived at her place on Saturday my Queen said she had a present for me. It was a small gift-wrapped package that contained a pair of red briefs she had bought for me, thinking my ass would look nice in them, as well as a pair of black women's panties she had mentioned earlier.
I was ordered to model both of them for her. The red briefs felt nice, and I hope they looked nice as well, as I presented my ass for her. According to her at least they did, and she told I am to use them in the future when we hang out together.
The black pair fit me quite nicely as well. My Queen seemed a bit astonished, and said they look completely natural, almost as if they were made for me. Aside for my testicle peeking a bit, my package fit quite nicely in them. Sometimes it pays off to have such a small penis, I suppose?
On Sunday we both attended the Independence Day party. The celebration over here differs quite a lot from the way they do it in USA for example, but I doubt anyone is interested hearing about it. In any case, nothing sexy took place on Sunday. Well, aside from me going totally nuts after seeing her in a very, very flattering dress, that is.
On Monday we slept late, and cuddled in the bed for ages. At that point my Queen hinted she could be persuaded into fooling around, if only I took the initiative, and "did things to her".
Like you all know by now, we're both switches, me and her. We have both our kinks, and since we love each other very much we try our very best to keep each other happy. My Queen gets off on being restrained, and lately she has hinted she would like to experience being hogtied sometimes. Since I want nothing else than her to be happy, I decided to give her what she wanted.
Considering all the things that could have gone wrong our first attempt in me putting her into a hogtie was quite a success. First I disrobed her, which seems to turn her on quite a lot, and then I put cuffs on her hands and a blindfold on her eyes as well.
The last one was in fact an idea I had in a spur of a moment, but it turned out to be a very good one. Originally I only wanted to postpone her figuring out what I was about to do as long as possible, but it also made the whole experience more scary for her. Scary in a good way that is.
After I had gotten out another pair of cuffs I ordered her on her tummy and put them on her ankles, and then attached the two pairs of cuffs together with a silk ribbon my Queen has for bondage purposes.
Afterwards my Queen said she had had to fight off a small scale panic. Realizing something you have fantasized for a long time is actually taking place can be a scary thought, after all. It was quite an experience for me as well, since it was the first time I had done it to another person.
Considering all that I was actually rather proud of my handiwork. My Queen was a night tight package who had no chance whatsoever to get away, completely at my mercy, ready to be used. All things I know make her incredibly wet.
An hour later we both lay exhausted on the bed. My Queen had just an orgasm I hope was something she had hoped it to be. As she lay on my arms she seemed very content, at least.
One piece of criticism she gave me afterwards was that I could have talked more. Like all of you know, the weekend before had been so steamy partly because I had found the right things to say to her as I masturbated her. This time there was so much new elements involved my attention was elsewhere and there was much less talking.
There's always room for improvement, however, and I must remember to pay attention to verbal stimulation in the future as well. Or, as my Queen put it, what was already amazing, could have been even more amazing that way.
Originally the plan was me to be off after we had our breakfast, since we both had a lot to do that day. I had even dressed up and was ready to leave, and merely sat on the bed with my Queen to have a quick goodbye. Well, things let to another and before long we knew it, we all over each other again.
I believe that in some weird way the thing that turned us both on was knowing we really wouldn't have time for it. What's also interesting that most of the time was spent now in foreplay, a very spontaneous foreplay at that. There was no plan, no direct goal we both aimed at. It was merely playful fooling around.
One proof of that is the way we ended up playing with medical tape. Like you all know, I have lately ended up having fun with it, by putting it around my limp penis before I go to sleep and hoping to have a painful wake-up call as my penis tries to get hard while tape wrapped around it.
At my request my Queen agreed witnessing how the taping is done, so that she would know how to do it in herself some day. After I had taped my limp penis into a tight little package I suggested, completely in the spur of the moment, what if we tried it on her nipples as well?
I expected her to decline, like any normal, sane woman would do. Her reaction, however, wasn't anything like it. She merely smiled, looked at me and said: "Well, let's try it." At that moment I remembered once again why I love her so much.
First I had to make her nipples erect, and I then taped them up, forcing the nipples to stay that way. As the end result they looked like buttonson a chest of a female robot in a very low-budget sci-fi film.
The whole procedure resembled putting clothespins on one's body, or taping one's penis. It's exciting to put it on but having it on doesn't feel at all. And just like with clothespins, the most fun part was taking the tape off, after I had fun with her nipples sufficiently.
After having the tape around my own penis several times I knee the effect it has. The tape sensitizes skin and I could only imagine what it must have felt as I started licking them lovingly after I had it off. The experience must have been quite sensual for her, at least according her moaning.
The climax of our little session was also very unplanned, but a lot of fun. At some point I had somehow ended up lying on top of her, a sensation she also likes very much. As I was lying there, knowing she was turned on and wet, I suggested her something I had fantasized for years.
My fantasy? Woman using my limp penis to masturbate herself to a climax, but leaving me without an orgasm.
At that point my Queen was already quite turned on, and it took very little persuasion for her to grant my wish. Seeing her masturbate herself was also one of the things I had wanted to see for a long time, but she had been reluctant to give me a show.
What followed must have been one of the most intense sexual experiences of our entire relationship. Seeing her under me, using the head of my soft penis to stimulate her clitoris, getting nearer and nearer to orgasm was simply divine. She looked so beautiful, and I kept saying her so, over and over. The feeling was mutual, it seems, since she kept saying the same.
As she approached the orgasm she started moving the head of my penis faster and fasted on her slick pussy lips. It felt great and I became very aroused, but this was all about her orgasm, not mine.
Somewhere near the end she even took my penis in such a hold I could actually "fuck" her hands and the outer parts of her pussy with my taped up, limp penis. Afterwards I told her if she had lubrication on her hands I could have easily ejaculated on her. It was, my Queen said, "Almost like fucking" and I quite agree.
Afterwards, as we lay next to each other once again, I realized my testicles hadn't been so alive in ages, so full of juices that flowed and swirled freely, and wanted so desperately to get out. I described these sensations to my Queen, which made her chuckle.
It also amused her somewhat, when I told her that when I was on top on her, and considered begging a permission to cum while making love to her hands, the one thing that kept me from doing it, was the question how it would look on my blog.
After all, I explained her, it would be much more dramatic and would make much more sense in terms of narrative, if I didn't cum, even though my Queen had, masturbating herself with my limp dick. That I had responsibilities to my readers.
I explained her my body wanted to orgasm, but my mind wanted me to stay chaste. It good thing then, she said, that my mind is in control, not my body, and that I have the will-power to stay chaste.
As we lay there, however, I couldn't help but humping her side a bit. I got nice and horny, and very close to the edge, in fact. When this took place I was actually half asleep. It had been a long and strenuous day, after all. Fortunately I managed to drag myself out of it just in time.
As I told my Queen what had just happened, she complemented me and said it was a good thing I was so obedient. After all, it had only been pathetic two weeks since my last ejaculation, and she had no intention of granting me an orgasm this soon, even a ruined one.
I quite agreed it was for the best. Thinking about how my Queen wouldn't have given me a permission to ejaculate, even if I had begged, turned me on at that moment so much more than the idea of being allowed to do it. It still does, as I write this and feel my testicles so alive in my pants.
All in all, the weekend or the Monday in question wasn't exactly the most sane example of spending one's time when there would have more pressing errands to do. But quite frankly, I don't feel one bit of remorse.
I also may have think of a new and exciting way to combine my desire to ejaculate, teasing and sexual frustration during the weekend. I won't go into detail yet, but rest assured, I will tell you all about it when and if my little idea comes into fruition.
PS. Speaking of testicles being alive, there doesn't seem to be much change in that respect. At lest considering that writing and posting this blog post has made me so horny I almost ended up ejaculating in my pants just a few minutes ago, simply by rocking my legs rhythmically in my office chair. Oh dear me.
