3.12.2015

This is the latter part of the update that covers what has happened during the last week or so. Like I hinted in the previous post, I got to spend another weekend with my Queen. What resulted was perhaps one of the steamiest weekends we've had so far. At least when in comes to pleasuring her.

Even before my Queen arrived to my place, I had decided that because she gave such a wild ride to me and to my penis the weekend before, this visit would have to be about her. Serving her, pleasuring her and being extra nice to her. Especially since pleasuring her sexually had been impossible due to Mother Nature a week before.

We woke up Saturday morning rather late. The lazy cuddling we both love led to more intense foreplay and soon I realized it was time to get into business. Namely, putting my tongue to work. We have practiced cunnilingus several times now, but we're still searching for the best position for it, ergonomically speaking. 

Sometimes my Queen has even said that me giving her cunnilingus has felt like she had been left all alone, while I was doing work on her nether regions. This time, instead of approaching her below, I started licking her sideways, still hugging her hips. This gave us chance to hold hands, even though I was going down on her. 

A bit by bit I moved into better position and finally I ended up into something that was more or less sixty-nine. My Queen commented that it had been "quite pornographic". What can I say? It seems there's reason some positions are classics? Among other things the position gave me an opportunity to give her long strokes with my tongue, and to better focus on her pussy in general.  

The sixty-nine also made me realize I could pin her hands between my knees and her own body while I was licking her pussy. The whole thing was accidental, but it turned out she liked it a lot, since being restrained is a huge turn-on for her.   

She ended up having something that looked like a good orgasm and I ended up having an incredibly sore tongue, as well as serious pain on the chest muscles I felt even the following day. Still, I'm not complaining. Her pleasure is so much more important than my discomfort. 

Afterwards she told me that even though she masturbates regularly when she's on her own, she's lazy in a way that she usually stops after the first small orgasm. With me, she says, it's much more than that, because I just keep going and help her to achieve the big one. Naturally I was very pleased to hear that.  

But the best was yet to come. On Sunday there was a thing we both had to attend, so we knew if we wanted to fool around on Sunday we'd have to be quick about it. I know this doesn't sound very romantic, but considering the circumstances, it was a morning well spent. 

My Queen had hinted the previous day she would like for me sometimes to use handcuffs on her while I masturbated her. As I've mentioned, we're both switches, and she has her submissive side as well. And, like I said previously, she especially likes being restrained.

Therefore, after some foreplay and me disrobing her, which I also know she likes, I got up without saying anything, took out my girly pink and shiny handcuffs, put them on her and then attached her hands to the end of the bed. She looked at me, smiling and looking very happy, as I continued caressing, kissing and teasing her.

I know she had said being handcuffed turns her on, but it seems I hadn't understand in what degree. The thing is, when I finally slid my hand on her pussy I couldn't believe how incredibly wet she was! I commented this on her, and she didn't seem to know whether she should be ashamed or proud of herself.

Trying to learn from yesterday's experience, I took a position next to her that was as functional as possible, and started masturbating her. This time I focused only on the things I know she likes. I rolled my fingers gently around her incredibly wet and slick clitoris while at the same time looking her in the eyes, kissing her occasionally, or licking her breast. She seemed to enjoy what I did. A lot.

Talking dirty in the bed, as they say, has never been easy with us. I'm unsure what to say to get her in the right mood, or rather I'm afraid I go too far and end up hurting her feelings, and she sometimes seems to be equally at lost what to say or to do. We both try our very best to fake it, nonetheless.

At that morning, however, everything seemed to fall in the right place somehow. I found exactly the right words, or rather the right angle, based on the things I know she likes or fantasizes about, and allowed myself to thrust into the situation. Very clearly My Queen enjoyed it immensely, and the more she did, the more courageous I got, turning her on even more. 

Soon I was rewarded with yet another glorious orgasm of hers. As she was catching her breath, I leaned over, caressed her forehead, kissed her parched, cold lips and thanked her, which always brings a smile on her face.  

Originally our plan was not to spend the rest of the Sunday together, but things led to another once again, and we found ourselves in the same bed on Sunday as well, this time at her place. After talking for hours and me giving her the back rub she very clearly wanted, we went to bed, even though we weren't that sleepy.

I placed myself behind her and cupped her breast in my hand like I often do, and started playing with her nipples gently. I heard her stating to moan, and as I continued, I was genuinely surprised, since her twitching and whimpering resembled so much my own behavior, when she teases me.   

"Hey, what's happening here?" I asked her.

"It seems you managed to wake up something", she said, curled up in my arms.

I continued teasing her nipples for a while, which seemed to be driving her crazy. However, understanding she was most likely dripping wet in her pajama pants, horny as hell, I decided not to linger, and proceeded.

The procedure went more or less the same way it had went the morning, the only exception being that this time I didn't stop to get handcuffs she owns as well, and merely ordered her to keep her hands above her head.  

This time my dirty talk seemed to work, if possible, even better than in the morning. One reason may be that encouraged by the previous instance, I allowed myself to get even deeper into her fantasies. Afterwards my Queen said she doesn't even remember what I said, only that at the moment she thought it was incredibly hot. 

All in all I made her orgasm twice during that session. As she reached the climax the second time she was howling out loud, and let out something that sounded almost like a growl of a wild animal. I mentioned this to her afterwards, and she looked embarrassed, and said she had no recollection of it whatsoever. 

This is understandable, since she described afterwards the orgasm, believe it or not, as the biggest sexual experience of her life. According to her time had lost meaning and it had felt the orgasm had lasted an half an hour, even though it hadn't take more than thirty seconds.

We discussed it afterwards, and it's somewhat interesting that even though the first orgasm I licked her on Saturday was a good and big one, it got dwarfed by the rest. At least according to my Queen it was in fact smallest of them all. The last, she said, was the kind she has always imagined them to be, according to internet. 

It is difficult to write this all down and not sound as if I'm bragging. I assure you this is not my intention. This is what took place and I merely want to write it all down. I'm not sure even myself what made the past weekend so successful, in terms of being able to please my Queen sexually. 

Three fingers and a little imagination  can do wonders sometimes, it seems.

2.12.2015

What a week it has been. What a week and what a weekend. Originally this post was twice as long, and I intended to cover in it all that had happened to me during the last week or so. Ultimately however I decided to cut in half. If that doesn't create Freudian images in you, nothing won't.

This post will focus what's the most important to any male, that is his penis and its well-being. When we last saw our hero a week ago it was in pretty bad shape. It had spent quite a weekend, but sustained damage in the process. In fact the damage was so severe the skin was torn from several places just under the head of the penis.

I spent good part of the last week recuperating, as far as my penis is concerned, at least. As the first shock of seeing it in such a state wore off I started to think of ways to making it to heal. Like I said last time, I have type one diabetes, and sores and other injuries heal much slower on me, and I didn't want to end up to a doctor with an inflamed penis.

My first plan was to put a band-aid just under the head of the penis, with the idea of keeping the part of skin straight and to give it a chance to heal. 

The problem in this case is that the injuries are just below the head of the circumsized penis. When there's no erection, there's a lot of flabby loose skin, including the injured part, making it very hard to keep the damaged area dry. In other words it would be an ideal place for infection.  

Very quickly I made an interesting discovery. I realized that wearing the band-aid was bit like having a sort of chastity device on. As long as it was on I was unable to fondle my penis even lightly. I was constantly reminded it's there, and I had a strange desire to check it's still on. Same kind of reactions one would have immediately after getting a chastity device, I suppose?

I had discussed the subject with my Queen a bit during the weekend, purely as fantasy material, but afterwards she said that actually getting one for me would still be a bit too much for her. I also made some checking out and was reminded again how expensive the toys in question are. Heaven forbid!

That led me to conclusion that at the moment I'm content having a band aid around my limp member as a sort of light version of a chastity device. That's much more close to my budget, at least.

I made an update about the project on a fetish social media site I'm on, and got replies to it, some of them referring to non-painful and painful treatments to sores caused by chastity devices, as well as comments about what it feels to take the band aids off.  

I use the good old Neo Amisept to disinfect wounds. I've heard from the pharmacy that it's not recommended to treat wounds with it anymore. It's pretty strong stuff, and nowadays they use products that don't sting. However, I've insisted buying it. After all, how do you know it's doing anything, or even reaching the wound, if it doesn't sting like hell? 

However, treating wounds that are on your penis with that stuff is rather... interesting, to say the least. To prevent bacteria getting to the wounds I disinfected it several times, and when I put it on I swear my neighbors must have heard me. 

As for taking the band aids away, I've noticed the same thing, as well. I use a cheap brand of band aid that usually comes off before it's supposed to, but when it comes the soft and loose skin of my penis, it seems to be sticking to it like crazy.

I also discovered another interesting thing. One night, before I went to bed, I decided to "reinforce" the band aid I have on my soft penis, with a couple or rounds of thin medical tape. The result was a nice tight package, even if I say so myself.

Sometime during the morning hours of the night, however, my penis had decided to have an nightly erection. As a result the "rings" two rounds of tape formed bit nicely to the flesh of my penis, as it tried to get stiff. What a way to wake up from erotic dream!

After the redness had went away I started making different kinds of setups from band-aid as well as and the medical tape, not only to keep the limp penis standing up straight, and to give the wound some air as well. After that I started using a medicine called Bepanthen on it, that's supposed to help open wounds to heal.

All this turned out so effective that by Thursday evening the would had started to close up quote nicely, and by Friday, when I saw my Queen again, it was so well healed up one could hardly notice it.  

All the business with the medical tape, the feel it creates on my limp penis, the feel of putting it on as well as taking it off, however, have given me new ideas and for a few days now I've found myself searching for new ways to use it in self-torture. 

Not only does it make nightly erections rather interesting experiences, it makes the taped up limp penis a nice and tight package that sticks out a more than it usually does. This has resulted into some rather nice sensations as the head of my limp penis brushes to the fabric of my silky boxers I use indoor.   

In fact I have even have to go to the pharmacy and get some more, since the roll I had used for years and years, finally ran out because of me using it so much. I must say it felt strange, comparing the brands on the grounds of how they would feel on my penis.

One interesting effect I found is also worth a mention. Few days ago I had once again rolled a couple of rounds of tape around my limp member. After that watched some rather arousing porn, ruined orgasm video, to be exact. The video was in fact so arousing I had to stop, because it had made me way, way too horny.

So, I crashed on my bed, thinking I could doze off and well as cool off for a while. Being as horny as I was, I humped the bed cover a bit in frustration. The head of my taped up limp penis slid so nicely on the silky fabric of my shorts I continued doing it. 

This wasn't the first time I grind my groin this way, but usually there's no chance, or "danger" for me to cum, because I don't get hard. This time around however, I had a band of medical tape around my limp penis, which kept it nicely in position. Before long I realized I would ejaculate in my shorts if I kept it up.

I let myself quite close to the edge, and then stopped. I think it wouldn't have taken me many more thrusts to ejaculate. I lay there motionless, listened the racing of my heart and tried to cool off. I felt my testicles being so alive, so desperately wanting to release their load.

It took almost five minutes for me to cool off enough to continue. This time it took a little longer while to reach the state I wanted to feel. As I got closer to the edge I stopped again to cool off. 

As I waited my heart to slow down I decided it would actually be quite fun to ejaculate in one's pants. After all, my Queen had said I had a permission to cum, as long as it wasn't by masturbation, or otherwise by my own hand.

So, on the third time when I started humping the bed cover I had made a decision to cum. After all, I hadn't done anything like that ever, and it would be very pathetic thing to do. Let alone describing it to my Queen the next time I would meet her.

Some of you may find amusing, that this time, when I would have let myself cum, my body refused to co-operate. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach the same feel and the same rhythm. Finally I had to stop, frustrated as hell. Well, serves me right, doesn't it?

26.11.2015

This will be a long update. A very long update I should say. There's simply so much to tell, and I hope you find at least some of it entertaining. In fact, I had to cut the story short this time, and I think you understand why by the time you get to the end. Hopefully I will be able continue the story at a later time.

I got to spend a weekend  with my Queen again. In a way one could say the weekend was sort of reward for both of us. We had both been very busy the last week and felt we had "earned" some time together. The weekend wasn't all fun and rolling in the sack, since life seldom is, but I'm concentrating on the good parts in this post.

We're not your regular kinky couple, me and Queen. For various reasons we don't do much of the stuff many "regular" kinky people seem to do. You now, with whips and high heels and stuff. I've also noticed things don't usually go as planned with us, but we end up having fun nevertheless. This applies to last weekend, as well.

The reason for us spending the weekend together was, as usual, two events that both demanded us to be present. This was all very handy, but because of it we were both rather tired by the time we got to her place at Saturday night.

We had planned having an actual candle-lit romantic dinner that night, something we haven't had time to do properly yet. We had the dinner all right, after which my Queen showed me an episode of her favourite series she had wanted me to see for some time now.

The episode, in case some you wonder, was "The Power of Madonna" from Glee, and the reason my Queen wanted to show it to me is the fact she knows I'm a long-time Madonna fan. I enjoyed the episode, even though I have to admit the Glee's Rocky Horror Picture Show special my Queen showed me some time ago worked better.

After the episode, both of us being nice and tipsy, we realized we were both way too tired to be able to do anything but to go to bed. There would always be tomorrow, we thought. We hit the sack and were asleep in a matter of minutes.

On Sunday morning almost the first thing my Queen did after she came out of the bathroom was to inform me that Mother Nature had once again arrived to her monthly visit. She had previously mentioned that "red alert" was on again, so it wasn't actually a surprise, but it was very unfortunate news anyway.   

This meant there wouldn't be a chance for me to pleasure her, and that we'd have to concentrate on me instead. However, I had no idea where it would actually lead to.

For some time we had discussed it would be interesting to try Viagra. I had tried it a decade back, with no avail. We conducted the experiment on Sunday, which proved something I had suspected all along, namely that Viagra still isn't enough to cure my impotence.

There was some swelling, but nothing I could use for fucking. I don't feel bad about it, however. Also, since my penis was now at least half mast it gave my Queen something to play with, and try out new things. 

One of the things was actually masturbating me, in the old-fashioned back-and-forth way. On many occasions when she had played with me, my penis had remained completely limp, which had led her to think of different techniques to edge me.   

Another thing she did was blindfolding. I have never been blindfolded, and I was surprised how erotic it was. I was forced to just lie there, and feel my Queen masturbating me, and not be able to see it. According to her my penis kept becoming more erect, and I would have liked to see it, but was forbidden to.

Eventually my Queen got bored me being blindfolded, and removed it. The edging session culminated into something I could describe as some sort of mental, but completely dry orgasm. Nothing came out, and my Queen said I had looked as if I had experienced "a girls's orgasm".  

So, after we had rested for a while it was time for round two. And even though saying this makes me look lik a sex maniac, it was me who suggest we would continue. The round one had been fun, but had left me needing more. However, it turned out the round two was, if possible, even more steamy then the first one.

Later on my Queen said that she had decided to give me an actual ruined orgasm this weekend, since I seemed so desperately to need one. Even though it had been, after all, only three weeks since my last ruined orgasm. I had no idea about her plans, of course.

Among other things my Queen ordered me to hump her hand with my partly soft penis, which was very humiliating thing to do. I also got very aroused hearing my Queen give direct commands, for example actually saying: "Come on, hump my hand".

Another interesting technique she came up with was using her foot in teasing me. This was most likely a complete accident, but soon we both realized she had hit the jackpot. The reason she hadn't tried the technique sooner was that a completely shrunken nub of a penis like mine is very difficult to torment that way.

Using the sole of her feet as well as the calf of her feet she sort of rolled it between her leg and mine. It was a rather rough treatment, but incredibly pleasurable as well. I squirmed, unable to form coherent sentences, part of the time in agony, part of the in ecstasy. My Queen just giggled, since she seemed to find my reactions rather amusing.

Finally, it seemed, my Queen had come to the conclusion it was time to get to business and started to masturbate my semi-hard penis with skilful determination. She even pressed her hand to my chest, to feel the racing of my heart, that became faster and faster the closer she got.

Following my suggestion she kept little pauses and then slowed the masturbating almost to a halt. I wanted her to do so to prevent myself from ejaculating too quickly. However, no matter how slow she did it, I kept coming closer and closer, which I told her, as well.

As I came closer to the edge I was given a command to inform when I was there, so she could let go. Finally I knew it wouldn't take much longer and looking deep into her eyes I let her take me there. Then, just as my body was about to go over, told her to take her hand away.

It was glorious, and so frustrating at the same time. I felt the orgasm that was somehow cut short, and felt few drops of cum ooze out. I curled into a little ball into the arms of my Queen and told her over and over how much I loved her.

The rest of the day we lay down in bed and talked. And talked and talked. For hours, it seemed. All the time I had to fight the urge to tell her again and again how much I love her. How much I love our discussions, how I love everything in her.

After we had dinner I even got to show her an episode of Star Trek, which we haven't had opportunity in ages, it seemed. The episode in question was "Hollow Pursuits", where we are introduced with lt. Barclay. She seemed to find the episode rather amusing, I'm glad to say.

Originally my intention was to leave on Sunday, since I had previous arrangements on Monday. However, things let to another and ended up spending one night more at her place.

On Monday morning I woke up before my Queen did and realized I had a nice erection. I coaxed my Queen awake and she seemed willing to play with it a bit. At that point I noticed the usual rough treatment my Queen usually gives to my penis, made it hurt even more than usual.

After a while I felt myself losing the erection, and started to beg for her a permission to masturbate myself a bit, something that is normally forbidden for me. After some begging my Queen gave in. I took hold of my penis that was rapidly losing it's erection and started pulling it up and down.

It felt incredible. It felt so good. To be able to pull it up and down, and to look at my Queen's beautiful eyes at the same time.

"God this feels good", I said, and saw my Queen nod.

"You do know I'm a good wanker", I said, continuing what I did. "I've done it so much during my life I've become very good at it."

"I'm sure you have", my Queen answered.

"This hurts, from yesterday", I said, but didn't slow down.

"Good", my Queen said. "I'm glad it hurts."

"You want me to suffer? To punish me for waking you up?"

"Yes I do", she said, and then, and continued after a while. "It's your job to keep me happy. The only thing you're supposed to be interested is my pleasure, me having fun."

"Yes", I said, but didn't continue, enjoying what she was saying.

"You're not supposed to think of your own needs at all. Or to wake me up, when I still had wanted to sleep."

"Hmm-mm...", I said incoherently.

"So, aren't you ashamed?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"You're not?" she asked, surprised.

"No. At the m-moment I don't care anything else that the fact how f-fucking horny I am."

I heard my Queen sigh.

"At this rate we will have to put you into a chastity belt, to keep you under control", she said.

"I-ve been thinking about it", I said, with my voice shaking a bit. This was the first time either had actually spoke of the subject.

"You have?"

I nodded.

"It would have to be extra, extra small", she said.

"Yes, extra small" I said, masturbating furiously. "To make my penis even more small."

"So that you'd be in real agony when your penis tries to get hard in the mornings."

"Y-yes, it would be simply awful."

"Oh, it would", she said.

"I would have to keep it all the time", I said. "And you'd take it off only when we're together, like now. And you'd put it on when the weekend is over."

"But I would take it off only if you're extra good and nice to me. Like for example by massaging my back."

I nodded again.

"And you'd keep the only keys."

"Of course", she said. "Most likely in a chain around my neck."

"You would?"

"Maybe I'd even start wearing low cut shirts, so you could watch the key dangling between my breasts."

I opened my eyes and looked deeply in her eyes.

"I love you so", I said, almost out of breath, and saw her smile.

She started to caress my chest and then squeezed my both nipples. They were still sensitive, since they too had received rather rough treatment the previous day. It felt very good, her doing it, and her being there.

"Y-you know", I said finally. "I'm getting close."

"You are?"

I told her I was, which was the truth, and that I had slowed down the pace, couple of times, since I didn't want to cum at least not without her permission."

"Well, of course you don't."

"But I could", I said, hesitating a bit. "Make myself a ruined orgasm."

"You already had one yesterday. You're getting greedy."

I nodded, and looked at her pleadingly, unable to think straight.

"You could take your hand away in time?" she said.

"I did it once before, remember", I said, pulling my now almost completely limp penis up and down very slowly. "It's unconceivable thing to do on one's own, but not that hard, with you."

"Would you like to?"

"Honey", I said smiling. "It's what you like that matters."

She was silent for a moment, and looked at me, with contemplating look on her face.

"Okay then, do it."

I started masturbating faster, and taking a hold of her hand, closed my eyes. I took myself beyond the point of no return and then, let go. After a few seconds I felt sperm starting spurt out of my limp penis, as waves of a glorious orgasm wash over me.

I'm not making excuses. I was greedy and I wanted to cum. And quite frankly, it felt almost like a real orgasm. It had looked one, as well, my Queen commented afterwards. Therefore I have put it down as "orgasm allowed and supervised by my Queen" on my book-keeping. 

However, I did it with permission of my Queen, and I would have stopped if she had said no. And I would have thanked and loved her for it.

As for the book-keeping, as soon as I got around to do it, I realized two things. First was the fact that first time ever there was a situation when the number of orgasms exceeded my Queen's, in a given period of time. After all, this was the first time I had orgasmed on two days in a row since November 2013. 

The other one was an observation I made the following day, when my Queen informed me she had had a nice orgasm that day. The observation was that since April I have had eight orgasms now, whereas my Queen has had 108. Exactly one hundred orgasms difference. One hundred orgasms. It makes my head spin.

In other words, even though I felt somewhat ashamed of being so greedy, it didn't feel as bad when I considered the difference in numbers. One hundred orgasms, the number is simply staggering. There's also another lesson to be learned from this all, a one about price of the pleasure. The thing is, this time, the story doesn't end here.

Immediately after I had orgasmed on Monday I felt considerable stinging on my penis. However, it wasn't until I got home I realized why. My poor penis had indeed sustained quite a damage both in the hands of my cruel Queen, as well as my horny hands.

In fact the damage was so severe the skin was torn from several places just under the head of the penis. I'm not blaming my Queen of course, since I was involved, as well. However, I admit I got a bit alarmed, since I'm diabetic (type one) and wounds heal much slower on me. I have no desire to go to doctor with inflamed penis, either.

In other words, the good part of last few days I have spent recuperating, and trying to get my poor little penis to start healing. However, I think at this point I will show mercy to my readers. In other words, there's more to the story, but time for it isn't now.

There would be things to tell how the draining of my balls has affected my libido, but that will have to wait, as well.

In conclusion, what can I say? It seems it's true what they say. Every bit of pleasure in this life has to be purchased with equal amount of suffering. 

5.11.2015

In my most recent post I hinted at a upcoming anniversary. Two full years has passed since I last orgasmed by my own free will. When one year was up I didn't celebrate it in any way, mostly because I had no one to celebrate it with. For the most part my chaste life has been a very lonely one. 

Like I've told you, my Queen has hinted she would like us to try intercourse before the year ends. There has been numerous reasons we haven't done so, even though we have dated for almost a year now. I won't go into too much detail here.

What I can say is that one of the reasons is my impotence. Some time ago I got a prescription for a drug called Caverject, which you inject into your penis. It gives you a rock hard erection lasting up to several hours if needed, making it possible even for impotent men to have intercourse. 

I used the drug with my first girlfriend, because I was impotent even back then, but I have had my reasons to postpone using it again. The thing is, for a male using it is really uncomfortable, even painful. 

One influencing factor for me wanting to make it happen now was also the fact that this would also be the 100th orgasm my Queen has had since we started counting them earlier this year. In the same time I have had five orgasms, almost all of which have been "ruined" in some way or another.

In other words, I had came to the conclusion that if my Queen wanted to feel my hard penis inside her, this was the perfect opportunity for it. So, I went to the pharmacy and got the medicine, but didn't tell about it to my Queen beforehand, since I wanted it to be a surprise to her.

On Saturday there was a Halloween party we both had to attend, and the plan was I was to stay the night and the following Sunday at her place, like we often do. By the time we arrived at her place it was already way over 4 AM. This was handy, since the exact time the clock turned two full years was that Sunday morning, first of November, 06:31. 

This gave me a good oportunity to tell her the time was at hand, and also about my purchase. She was surprised, to say the least. 

I also got to explain to her that knowing what I did had been the reason I had been somewhat nervous the whole night. Also the fact she had looked sexy as hell in the party hadn't helped. So sexy in fact, I was a bit intimidated by her all through the night. 

Doing the deed, so to speak, had to wait till we had slept, however, and it was a Sunday afternoon before we finally begun. It was clear we were both very nervous. We both also agreed it was very weird to realize how "goal-oriented" the whole situation was.

How did it go, then? Again, I do not want to go into too much detail, but let's just say the first trial run wasn't a complete success. It could have gone better, and we could have handle it all better. Me included. 

I've had very little experience in my life when it comes to old-fashioned fucking, and the last time I had done it must have been more or less a decade ago. My Queen has had even less experience than I have. In a way it felt we were two 16-year-olds trying to figure how everything works. They make it look so easy in porn. 

They say "the first time" is always very awkward and weird. This seems to apply even though you had had sex before, just not with the person in question. Also, it occurred to me they say doing it is like riding a bicycle. But I suppose before you learn how to ride one, it can be awkward, painful and full of failures, as well.

I also found out the Caverject is as nasty stuff for me to use now as it was a decade ago. It gives you an incredible hard on all right, but it also takes away the sensitivity. To put it bluntly, at times it felt almost as if I were pushing an iron rod attached to my groin into my Queen's vagina.

One could say that the moment we're both better at pleasuring the other person with other means than by actual fucking. Then again, we've both had more experience in it, during the past year.

One proof of that is the fact that the whole thing became way more erotic, arousing and hot only after we had stopped actual fucking. First I made her orgasm by hand, which she seemed to enjoy very much, after which she gave me a wonderful hand-job.

Earlier on we had tried to turn each other on by talking naughty during the intercourse, and realized we need a lot more practice to be able to do both talking and fucking at the same time.

"Who knows, this may be your only chance to cum", she said as I was fucking her. "I may not let you have a real orgasm the rest of the year, if you don't cum now."

Well, as it turned out, I was nowhere near to cumming during the whole time. Not only was the whole thing a mess, technically speaking, the drug also made my cock so hard and insensitive I could have fuck her for eternity and not to cum myself.

When she was masturbating my still semi-hard penis, which now had regained some of its sensitivity, she started cooing:

"Wouldn't it be simply awful if I ruined this one for you as well?" she asked me. "You had your chance earlier, so now all you get would be only a ruined orgasm?"

"Mmmm-hmmm", I said, because speaking was difficult for me at that point. "It w-would."

"Oh yeah?" she said, milking me faster. "What if I tell you you'll have to inform me if you're about to cum?"

"I will say, of course."

"Okay then, say it when you're getting close."

"I will" I said, eyes closed.

It took us two attempts to get me over the edge. First time I told my Queen to let go a bit too soon, and I didn't ejaculate after all. Afterwards I realized it would have been a good idea for her to have a pause and let me cool down a bit, before continuing.

However, without a pause she took hold of my semi-hard penis and started milking me again. After a few strokes I had to tell her to let go of it, which she did. There was a few seconds pause, and then I felt a nice big load of sperm shooting out of my penis.

It felt glorious. It was so... energetic, vigorous and divine. I felt sperm coming out of my penis, a spurt after spurt, and heard my Queen complementing me. 

Even though the little milking session has grown into immense proportions in my head, it didn't last that long. According to her, from the moment she poured lube into her hands, to the moment I spurted, it hadn't been much more than a minute. What can I say, my Queen is great in giving handjobs.   

It felt so good, in fact, that it was a bit hard for me to think of it as "a ruined" orgasm. However, according to all the porn videos I've seen, that's exactly what it was. It seems that being completely denied for two full years have taught me to appreciate even ruined orgasms.

I have observed myself the past few days, and so far it would seem my most recent, rather abundant ejaculation didn't have have negative effects in my libido. Like I told you earlier, I have been rather horny lately. During the last few days I've noticed the cumming didn't take that away. If possible, I have felt even more horny.

All in all, as far as the fucking goes, I would say the first trial run could have been better, but it could have been worse, as well. Practice makes perfect, they say, but according My Queen she has no definite plans now, since she's very busy with her studies at the moment. 

In other words, when will be our next trial run be, or when I will be allowed ejaculate next time, is so far a complete mystery. Only time will tell.

31.10.2015

There is an adult site I follow on Facebook, called Enchantrix Empire, that regularly posts questions for its followers. I've had the habit of answering the questions if I have anything to say on the matter. Since I'm not a man of few words the answers have tended to be lengthy ones. I'm posting here my answers so far. Let's call it "Halloween Question and Answer special".

Have you ever sexted anyone, or had cyber sex? How did you like it?

Well, truth to tell, almost 90% or more of my so-called sex life has taken place virtually. So the answer would be yes. As for did I like it, lets just say it's something I've done, since there hasn't been alternatives. In fact, every time I have been physically intimate with someone it has taken me a bit of time to gotten use to. Compared to cyber sex, in which imagination plays such a big role, "real" sex is, in a way, rather crude activity.

When you are sad or down does masturbation help you feel better?

At the moment I don't masturbate at all. When I did, there was times when it was the only fun I had during the whole day. Sometimes it was the only thing I looked forward to before getting home from work or school, for example.

When you masturbate the troubles of your life disappear, for a moment at least. I think that may have been one reason I was so addicted to wanking. As long as you masturbated you didn't have to think about your troubles, or your life, or rest of the world. There was only you, and your penis.

The downside to all of this is naturally the fact that after you've spilled your seed it all comes back again. Very often men also seem to get, or I did at least, a post-orgasm blues, feelings of shame, disgust and disappointment at yourself. 

Good thing I don't have to worry about such things anymore.

The last time you got a blow job you felt: a) awkward, b) amazing, c) wished it was you sucking cock instead, d) luckiest guy ever.

As amazing as it may seem, I've never gotten one. Not a proper one at least. I'm 44 years old now, and quite frankly, I fear I won't ever get one. But I will tell about it as soon as a miracle like that happens.

I would say something like that happening would have been almost impossible to someone with my past. That is, considering I lost my virginity at 33, and having only two long-term girlfrends after that, the first of which hated cunnilingus and fellatio, ad the second one clearly having a some sort of penis aversion as well.

As for having to feel it some day, let's just say it's just of the many things I've accepted I won't ever get to experience. My Queen doesn't seem to like the idea and I don't want to pressure her the more than I have.

In a way, when I think about the activity in question, I feel it's something that's supposed to stay off-limits for me. It's so... manly and masculine. And apparently also way too pleasurable for someone like me.

I can't help but to think if it actually took pace some day I would merely go "I do not deserve this!" in my my head, and wouldn't be able to enjoy it, or get slightest bit hard.

Let's say were told you can cum every day for one month. If you didn't cum every day you would be denied for six months. Would you do it?

In my case the biggest challenge would be being cum daily, not the chastity part. I would simply love to be cumless for six months once again, hopefully much longer.  

However, it's been so long since I last masturbated and orgasmed by my own free will I feel I no longer deserve it. Male cumming seems so selfish somehow, and it would feel very weird for me, as well as very wrong.

Naturally I were ordered to do it by my Queen for example, and report to her afterwards, I would do it. And who knows, maybe after a month like that going back to the no touching, no cumming routine would be much more frustrating than my chastity has recently been. 

Also, if my orgasms during that thirty days were ruined ones, or I was made to do it in a way it would give me as little enjoyment as possible, I may be more okay with it. Or, if was made to orgasm by other person. I know all too well how to make it feel as pleasurable for me as possible.

However, the bottom line is I would do it, but I wouldn't like the idea, since the way I am now, cumless, frustrated and denied, makes me feel very nice, that is, chaste and pure.

Let's say you have been denied for eight months. What thing do you think would turn you on at that point?

It is very easy for me to answer that one, since it's now over 22 months since I started being denied. Simply put? The thought of being denied.

I know it sounds odd, but I can't even begin to estimate how many times during that last two years I have gotten incredibly turned on simply by watching the counter counting painfully slowly the seconds, minutes, hours days, weeks and months from my last ejaculation. Either counting up, or down, to the next full year. I have noticed the bigger the day count is, in both cases, the more tormenting and therefore more exciting it is for me.

I have also noticed the most exciting part is not knowing. When I started the chastity game I had no end goal, and for a long, long time I did the denying all by myself. And since there was no one deciding when I should ejaculate, I kept doing it as long as it felt good, and since the bigger the count got, the better it felt, I saw no reason to stop.

During the last six months, when I have had a Queen who knows about my chastity project and has taken the responsibility of controlling my orgasms, it has been doubly exciting. Now the decision isn't even in my own hands anymore (pun unintended). In fact it hasn't been in anyone's hands, since for a long time she didn't have any specific plan when she is going to let my cum either.

The ultimate fantasy for me, I suppose, is the idea of being permanently denied. Being told that I am not going to cum ever again as long as I live. Ever, never never. That I am being denied the sexual relief, the basic human right, for good. 

I know now, however, that this will not be the case. My Queen has recently informed me she wants to see my cum when we will have sex for the first time. I do not feel bad about it, and I do believe it is quite fitting to do so. After all, my orgasms are hers, to do with them whatever she wishes.

What happens after that, however, is a mystery, for me as well as to her. Who knows, it may very well be the last time I will cum this year. In fact that idea excites me a great deal. Than again, she may want to see me cum more, but in any case, it's not up to me now. 

Hands-free orgasms. Have you had one, and how was it?

Most people seem to think hands-free orgasms are awful. And I quite agree. From a perspective of a normal male, used to having intercourse or masturbating regularly, ending with a glorious, full, satisfying orgasm, hands-free ruined ones must be awful.

However, I would say they are awful only when they are unwanted. I've had three of them during my life, all during the last few months. The first one was in March, the second one in May and the third in July. Mind you, with one exception they were the only orgasms I've had during the last 22 months.

Two of them happened while I was edging, and they were complete accidents. I had no intention of cumming, or letting myself to cum. I simply wanted to torment myself, to feel the urge but ultimately deny myself and leave myself frustrated.

However, in each of the occasions, even though I thought I wasn't nowhere near the edge, while I was having my cool-off period, my body betrayed me. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I started to convulse, and sperm started to spurt out of my limp penis, and I was completely unable to stop it. I hated it so.

The third took place while my Queen was edging me. She had no intention of letting me cum either, but while we were having a cool-off period, similar thing happened, and took us both completely off-guard. At the time my Queen didn't even understand I was actually having an orgasm, since this was the first time I had one at her presence.

During the last couple of months we have gotten much better in anticipating them, and keeping me from the edge. We have even discussed that when the time comes she decides it would be a good idea for me to cum, we could try getting closer and closer to the edge, perhaps on several occasions, the last one of which would result to an orgasm, but a one that would happen completely without any kind of touching.

That is to say, we very much like the idea of my fifth orgasm this year to be a ruined one as well.

The whole matter has even amused us somewhat. For most males the idea of having a ruined orgasm is an awful one, a punishment, something that is meant to be very unpleasant for the male. In my case having even a ruined orgasm would be so much more, compared to what I'm getting now.

In case anyone is interested, there are longer reports of each incident on my blog:

http://chastediary.blogspot.fi/2015/03/1532015.html

http://chastediary.blogspot.fi/2015/05/2752014.html

http://chastediary.blogspot.fi/2015/07/2272015.html

The last incident, of course, was the one that led me and my Queen to the conclusion it would be a good idea not to touch myself at all when I'm on my own. Only she has the right to touch, stimulate and play with my penis now, making all attention she gives to it so much more important and special.

Would you ever say no to a woman who wanted to do your favorite things to you?

Is this a trick question or something?

Finish this thought. Ruined orgasms from a cock tease make me... 

...grateful beyond belief.

If you were to go to an adult store today what is one item you would definitely purchase?

At the moment I'm seriously considering a penis sleeve or sheath of some kind. 

The thing is, my Queen has let me understand she would like us to have intercourse in the near future, but that would mean I would have to cum, and that's something I'd like to postpone in the future as much as possible.

A cock sheath of some kind would allow her to fuck me, but it would be possible for me to avoid orgasming and sexual pleasure altogether, or at least minimize it.

As I write this, it's very uncertain how often we will end up having actual sex. It seems my Queen isn't into penetration that much, but when she gets a taste, so to speak, she may love it.

It's just as possible she will hate it, and wants to have only clitoral stimulation in the future. In a way I hope that will be the case. That will mean there would be much less chance of me getting to to cum in the future.

Are you planning anything naughty for Halloween?

I hope I will, since the day or so after Halloween will be the two-year anniversary of my masturbation ban. Cum has escaped my body after that, but the first of November, 2013, at 6:31 AM was the last time I masturbated and ejaculated by my own free will the last time, like a normal man. Time for a celebration?

29.10.2015

It somewhat difficult to start this blog post subtly, so I'm going for the not-so-subtle approach. I've been rather horny lately. 

At one point I was afraid my libido was going to stay asleep forever, but for a several weeks now I've experienced nice, frustrating waves of horniness when I've seen or read erotic material, and I often wake up with a nice erection.

During the last week or so I have dreamed several times about masturbating. It is natural, after all, since I think about it almost all the time, but have no permission to do it in the waking world.

Sometimes in my dreams I'm attempting to produce a ruined orgasm on myself, or I'm just masturbating furiously in front of my computer. It's always merely masturbating, never fucking, or even cumming.

Then again, the mind compiles the dream together out of memories. Since I've had very little experiences in actual fucking it's logical I don't dream about it either. The same goes with ejaculating lately.

On one occasion I do remember having an "accident" in my dream, and trying to shut it down, or "stifling" it by squeezing my limp dick tightly. It had no effect, though, and sperm still tried to push itself out.

In the dream it felt completely logical that the only way to somehow remedy the situation was to position myself so that I could pour the sperm right into my mouth. Most likely because that way it would still remain inside my body, I suppose. Dream logic is funny sometimes.

It is curious though, that while I did it in the dream, I felt no shame or disgust whatsoever. The dream also felt incredibly realistic, so much in fact that after I woke up it took me a while to understand that hadn't actually happened.

What can I say? It seems my libido is alive and kicking.