Like you
all most likely remember, last time I reported how my prolonged chastity and my
recent "accident" led to rather interesting phenomena few days ago.
Orgasmic build-ups appeared quite unexpectedly and made me feel as if I was
about to cum in my pants.
They lasted
about 24 hours, but I can tell you it was quite a 24 hours. It felt as if I had
to constantly fight off an orgasm, or to telepathically control a tidal wave.
After the phenomena stopped I was naturally relieved, but puzzled as well. What
created it, and what made it to go away?
After a day
or so I was adventurous enough to even "test" myself a bit, and
teased myself with my thoughts. However, it seemed the tidal waves I
experienced earlier were now behind a mental stone wall, or perhaps a vault
door. I noticed I can make the build-up appear but it requires rather strong erotic
visual stimulation.
Last night
I was surfing on the net, more accurately exploring the chastity caption pages
of Tumblr. One thing led to another I decided to test what would happen if I
tried to conjure a series of build-ups deliberately, by teasing myself with
erotic images, but keeping my hands off my very limp penis.
Very soon I
realized that even if it felt as was about to cum, it didn't mean I would do
so. Every time there was the build-up, as well as all the other physical
sensations, the mild shivers in my legs that usually precede the orgasm for
example, but never the fulfillment.
I admit,
this was the first time in almost two years I deliberately tried to make myself
cum. I had the permission from my Queen to cum to do so, as long as I did it by
thinking only. She had said it would be interesting to know whether I could cum
without touching myself at all.
However,
nothing of the sort happened. No matter how hard I tried, at the last moment,
every single time, I felt a sort of "pull-back" from my body. Even
though I soon realized very soon the attempts were futile, the feeling of
frustration was so uncomfortable it made me continue.
Also,
somewhere in my mind, I admit, there was the little glimmer of hope, that maybe
next time I could push my over the edge. It is had to say, afterwards, what I
actually thought. Did I really wished I could cum, or had I understood I
couldn't, but wanted to torture my body anyway?
The thing
is I was pretty incoherent by the end and quite unable to think straight. The
feeling every time the pull-back happened was so uncomfortable and intense that
at some point I was literally howling and moaning as it happened, out of sheer
frustration.
I ended up
doing it for what must have been over three hours. Around 3 AM I finally had a
moment of clarity and I managed to switch my computer off, brushed my teeth and
crashed to bed. The look on my face and in my eyes as I watched myself from
bathroom mirror was almost indescribable.
Naturally
it didn't end there, and the orgasmic build-ups, as well as pull-backs,
continued as I was laying and twitching in the bed, continued quite a while. As
my mind slowly started to clear off all I could was to listen the beating of my
heart and go: "Wow.." in my head.
I have
analyzed the night a little bit afterwards and I think that in some way it was
a test of will, or a show of courage. On many occasions I ended up squeezing
the sides of my work chair very hard during the build-up, knowing my limp, bare
penis was so close, but that wouldn't touch it, no matter what.
My body
wanted to cum, so very badly, but at the same time I realized this desire made
a perfect weapon against it, a perfect tool to torture it. After all, it was my
body that had betrayed me a mere week earlier. Now it was its turn to suffer.
And all I had to do was... well, nothing.
It has also
occurred to me that the feeling I felt as I lay in bed, the pulling and
pulsating sensation, may be what is commonly described as "blue
balls". This may be just another example of me being twisted, but if it
was, the sensation many men dread felt simply... divinely excruciating to me.
All in all,
I have to say last night was something I hadn't ever felt before. Also, it was
one of the most intense, and torturous experiences of my sexual life. At last
when it comes to experiences that take place completely inside my head.
I'm unsure
how often I will use this new technique of torturing myself. It seems very
efficient, as well as safe one. On the other hand recovering from it requires
more than just stopping the physical activity.
Also, it is
quite a relief, to realize that my libido, or my testicles are not about to
fall into sleep, not just yet at least.
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