Friday, July 31, 2015


I'm a bit unsure how to start my update this time. There hasn't happened anything dramatic, but in a way there has. This will all make sense, I hope.

Like you all most likely remember, last time I reported how my prolonged chastity and my recent "accident" led to rather interesting phenomena few days ago. Orgasmic build-ups appeared quite unexpectedly and made me feel as if I was about to cum in my pants.

They lasted about 24 hours, but I can tell you it was quite a 24 hours. It felt as if I had to constantly fight off an orgasm, or to telepathically control a tidal wave. After the phenomena stopped I was naturally relieved, but puzzled as well. What created it, and what made it to go away?

After a day or so I was adventurous enough to even "test" myself a bit, and teased myself with my thoughts. However, it seemed the tidal waves I experienced earlier were now behind a mental stone wall, or perhaps a vault door. I noticed I can make the build-up appear but it requires rather strong erotic visual stimulation.

Last night I was surfing on the net, more accurately exploring the chastity caption pages of Tumblr. One thing led to another I decided to test what would happen if I tried to conjure a series of build-ups deliberately, by teasing myself with erotic images, but keeping my hands off my very limp penis.

Very soon I realized that even if it felt as was about to cum, it didn't mean I would do so. Every time there was the build-up, as well as all the other physical sensations, the mild shivers in my legs that usually precede the orgasm for example, but never the fulfillment.

I admit, this was the first time in almost two years I deliberately tried to make myself cum. I had the permission from my Queen to cum to do so, as long as I did it by thinking only. She had said it would be interesting to know whether I could cum without touching myself at all.

However, nothing of the sort happened. No matter how hard I tried, at the last moment, every single time, I felt a sort of "pull-back" from my body. Even though I soon realized very soon the attempts were futile, the feeling of frustration was so uncomfortable it made me continue.

Also, somewhere in my mind, I admit, there was the little glimmer of hope, that maybe next time I could push my over the edge. It is had to say, afterwards, what I actually thought. Did I really wished I could cum, or had I understood I couldn't, but wanted to torture my body anyway?

The thing is I was pretty incoherent by the end and quite unable to think straight. The feeling every time the pull-back happened was so uncomfortable and intense that at some point I was literally howling and moaning as it happened, out of sheer frustration.

I ended up doing it for what must have been over three hours. Around 3 AM I finally had a moment of clarity and I managed to switch my computer off, brushed my teeth and crashed to bed. The look on my face and in my eyes as I watched myself from bathroom mirror was almost indescribable.

Naturally it didn't end there, and the orgasmic build-ups, as well as pull-backs, continued as I was laying and twitching in the bed, continued quite a while. As my mind slowly started to clear off all I could was to listen the beating of my heart and go: "Wow.." in my head.

I have analyzed the night a little bit afterwards and I think that in some way it was a test of will, or a show of courage. On many occasions I ended up squeezing the sides of my work chair very hard during the build-up, knowing my limp, bare penis was so close, but that wouldn't touch it, no matter what.

My body wanted to cum, so very badly, but at the same time I realized this desire made a perfect weapon against it, a perfect tool to torture it. After all, it was my body that had betrayed me a mere week earlier. Now it was its turn to suffer. And all I had to do was... well, nothing.

It has also occurred to me that the feeling I felt as I lay in bed, the pulling and pulsating sensation, may be what is commonly described as "blue balls". This may be just another example of me being twisted, but if it was, the sensation many men dread felt simply... divinely excruciating to me.

All in all, I have to say last night was something I hadn't ever felt before. Also, it was one of the most intense, and torturous experiences of my sexual life. At last when it comes to experiences that take place completely inside my head.

I'm unsure how often I will use this new technique of torturing myself. It seems very efficient, as well as safe one. On the other hand recovering from it requires more than just stopping the physical activity.

Also, it is quite a relief, to realize that my libido, or my testicles are not about to fall into sleep, not just yet at least.

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