Wednesday, May 31, 2017


There is a Facebook page I follow that has a habit of posting questions on its wall. I try to answer them whenever I feel I have something to contribute to the matter. A few days ago there was a question: "Does it turn you on if you're being watched while masturbating?" 

Since that is a question I think I could write a book on, I gave a detailed and truthful answer. I knew, as I sat down to write, the answer would be a long one, but it surprised even me how lengthy it ultimately became. I'm posting my answer here, as well. I hope you like it.

Does the idea of being watched while I masturbate turn me on? The answer is yes, immensely so. I have spent hours and hours of looking for erotica with a scenario like that, or CFNM porn, with male protagonist having to masturbate for female audience. Unfortunately there isn't a lot of it around.

As far as reality goes, I have always masturbated a lot and I have been lucky enough to perform it in front of a woman a few times in my life. Unfortunately however, it seems many women find that very distasteful and have said that to me. I suspect that has something to do with gender roles. However, lately I have started to regret I don't have anyone in my life to masturbate in front of, or have had so little chances to do it observed during my life.

Masturbating while being watched is a big turn-on for me. I think it's because masturbating is the most pathetic, sad and disgusting thing a male can do sexually, and having to do it with other person watching is humiliating beyond belief, which is a huge fetish for me.

What adds to the situation in my case is also the fact I have a very small penis, which thanks to medical reasons doesn't get hard even when I masturbate. In other words, if I pulled it while being observed, it would look very funny indeed, and it would be very humiliating for me.

I have had for many years a fantasy of living with a woman, who I would have a special arrangement with. I could masturbate as much I wanted, but only while being observed by her. I would have to ask permission for it, and had to do it so that she would be in the same room and could see me at all times if she wanted.

Naturally I would have to ask permission for an orgasm as I got closer, and she would have all the right in the world to deny it for me. She wouldn't have to give me any reason for denying me, if she didn't feel like it, but it would be a good motivation for me to be the best possible boyfriend I can. "I just don't feel like it" would be a perfectly reasonable answer.

In a ultimate fantasy setting I would have to do it with several women present, and with their permission. I would be naked, of course, while all of them were clothed. There could be men present as well, and I suppose it would be interesting for them to observe me. At least it would be humiliating for me having to wank my limp dick in front of real men.

The women or men wouldn't have to find what I do erotic or arousing. In fact it would be hard for me to imagine anything I could do to be erotic or arousing to anyone. The most I can hope for is it to be at least amusing for the audience.

The people present could watch me, ask me questions and generally be total control of me, but I wouldn't mind if they ignored me completely, had conversations between each other or go on about their normal business as I go about my disgusting one.

I think there's an element of humiliation there, as well, in my masturbation meaning so little to anyone but me. Naturally I would have to have a permission from someone present before I was allowed to ejaculate, of course. It wouldn't be at all certain I would get one, however.

The same applies to the girlfriend arrangement I described earlier, as well. She would by no means to be obliged to actually watch me if she didn't feel like it. She could give me a permission to masturbate, but she could tell me to stand or kneel somewhere she wouldn't have to see me.

If she wasn't into watching her boyfriend beat his tiny thing, she could continue whatever she was doing as I approached her with my request: read, watch tv, work on her computer and so on. Only as I approached an ejaculation I would have a permission to speak and ask permission for it.

Afterwards I'd have to thank her for the permission, as well as for the chance to masturbate, of course.

But, as most of you know, all that is pure fantasy for me, and I have no one in my life to for all the things I just described. Therefore, I think, the fact that I sometimes like to masturbate in front of a full length mirror is my way of trying to substitute for it.

After all, since I don't have no one to humiliate myself in front of, the only thing there is for me to do is to humiliate myself. Watching myself as I masturbate my limp dick, and trying to imagine what someone would think looking at it.

People have often asked me why don't I look for on-line partners then? Truth to tell, I'm too cautious to do that. What would I do if, after five minutes of ecstasy, the girl's pimp appeared on screen and demanded money for not putting on-line the video they just filmed? When it comes to sex industry, webcam business is a way too hazardous place for gullible wankers like me.

And quite frankly, I'm too much of a romantic for not wanting the person in question to be someone I have a connection with. That me being naked and humiliating myself in front of her would mean something. But's it's a small niche, fetish wise, to to watch and be amused by a man pulling his small limp penis. As well as very challenging one to have, if the idea is to approach a woman romantically.

In other words, yes. I do find the idea very arousing, but at the same time it is something I have very little chances of getting to experience. 

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