1.6.2020

The summer is here, finally. After the long, cold corona spring it's almost hard to believe it. For me lockdown and the quarantine period has meant being a indoors a lot, which in turn has meant I start my days and often also end them by masturbating. Or rather, edging.

Naturally, we're not on 100% lockdown anymore. During the past couple of weeks or so, especially if it has been a beautiful and sunny day, I have even ventured do to downtown a couple of times. This has been quite a big step for me, after I have avoided all social contacts and public places for over two months.

These short trips to outside have, however, been almost traumatizing for me. The thing is, during the long, dark and cold winter I always forget what an ordeal summer can be for a leg fetishist like me. It's one thing to edge to something at home, a whole another is to see the same on a street and try to keep your cool. I guess being outside as little as possible is a blessing for me.   

Beginning my days by masturbating is a very natural thing to, because like most people I am the horniest at mornings. As you all know, I am impotent and I have erections only when I'm asleep, just before I start to wake up. However, as soon as I get up, the erection is gone under less than a minute.

That moment though, as I'm slowly waking up and realizing I have an raging erection, is extremely enjoyable and puts my libido immediately in overdrive. Quite often whatever dream I happen to have at that point, becomes erotic, even though nothing sexual doesn't take place in it. It's hard to explain.

I'm not always hard at mornings, but if I sleep for example bottomless, the chances for it happening increase by tenfold. Therefore I try to sleep naked as often as possible, which isn't very often if you live in a country like Finland. Basically only time you can do this without catching a cold, is during our extremely short summer.

When the summer does arrive, like right now, I try spend as much of it naked as possible, the nights as well as the days. Not only does it ensure waking up turned on, but it also makes masturbating and touching oneself all through the day wonderfully easy. Even when I'm watching television for example, I have a habit of playing with my testicles and limp penis at the same time.

Sometimes I may put on a short skimpy skirt, or a nice top, if I want to feel pretty, but if it's warm enough, even those pieces of clothing make me feel suffocated. Bear in mind, that is "warm enough" in the Finnish scale. Apparently what we call a summer is spring in some parts of USA. If I lived somewhere that warm, I guess I'd be naked 365 days of the year.

Being able to walk around in my apartment totally naked the whole day long is a wonderful feeling. Many times when I pass a full body mirror, which I have many in my apartment, I stop, and watch my body from all sides. Long legs, shapely backside, ridiculously small penis and testicles, round belly, hairless chest, feminine arms, full luscious lips and the long hair, one I have grown out almost three years soon.

This all sounds sexy, but truth to tell, I have always had problems with my mirror image, especially when it comes to my face. For years I tried not to look into a mirror unless it was absolutely necessary, because I felt I didn't know the person who looked back at me. I felt the "real me" was behind that strange face. This has gotten easier over the years, and nowadays I can even admit being cute.

However, my naked body is another matter entirely. One could say I have always made a distinction between my "sexual me" and my "real life me". The sexual me is the slut on-line, which is the place where 99% of my sex life has taken place. The real life me on the other hand is the respectable part of myself, the persona I let the world around me see.

Therefore doing anything sexual in front of a mirror, masturbating or just caressing one's naked body, or just being there, has always been very difficult, almost painful to me. It means two worlds colliding, like someone had photoshopped my head to a naked body, one doing unspeakable things to itself. If I had a shrink, he would have a lot to say about this.

The act of subjecting myself to my own naked mirror image is in fact a form of self torture. Every time I pass a mirror or go stand before one I feel extremely uneasy, and I have a need to turn away. I don't let myself to do so though, and force myself to watch. If I feel extremely uneasy, I may even masturbate a bit, just to see the look on my own face.

The most extreme way of humiliating myself is naturally to have an actual ejaculation in front of the mirror. I have described this in one of my earlier blog posts, so I won't go into it much further now. Let's just say the act of forcing oneself to have a ruined orgasm while you're standing naked in front of a mirror, examining the expressions on your own face as you feel the orgasm sweep over you, and hearing the cum dribbling to the floor from your flaccid clit, is an extremely humiliating experience. 

For this exact reason, because seeing myself doing sexual things is as humiliating as it is, the masturbating technique involving my wanking mirrors, is all about watching my chest, hand and the groin area as I masturbate, never ever the face. Or at least, to do that I have to be in an extremely perverted state of mind, or have someone on-line to order me to tilt the mirrors in such an angle I have to look my own face as I masturbate on my computer. 

Seeing my own naked body all through the day from full body mirrors is also a painful reminder to me that no matter how I feel inside, my body is that of a male. My chest or hips aren't that of a woman, nor will they ever be. Neither is my belly or any other part of my body. And when I pull my clit, I see a male masturbating himself in front of a mirror and looking incredibly stupid.   

Sometimes, if I don't have anywhere to be, I don't bother putting anything on for days, therefore exposing myself to my own mirror image for the better part of the week. Being naked for that long also makes me feel wonderfully pathetic. No normal person spends three days in a row totally naked in one's apartment. If the doorbell rings I can always slip into my coral bathrobe.

One piece of clothing I often make an exception with are my long, striped knee high socks. I have lots of them, in various colours, and it's been several years I have used any other kind. Passing the mirror with nothing except them on is even more mixed experience than doing it completely naked. Even though I look male, it is clear I am not a man either. If I'm something, I'm a slutty sissy.

It is not an exaggeration to say I have fetish to my own sexuality, if that sort of thing is possible. And since the best way to have an intimate connection with your own sexuality is through masturbation, I try to do it as much as humanely possible. What usually makes me so eager to get out of the bed each morning is the chance to start edging.

The first thing I do every morning is to get my computer open, and in a matter of less than few minutes, I am already sitting in front of it, still half asleep and wiping my eyes, and pulling my limp clit furiously, and trying to regain some of the horniness I just experienced.

Sometimes I don't even do my morning pee before I start to masturbate, especially if the need to pee had been a bad one, since a full bladder makes me extremely horny. Again, I have explained my fetish to that practice in one of my earlier blog posts.

There's just something magical in those early morning moments, even without bladder torture involved. It's so wonderful to just sit there half asleep and relaxed, completely naked, legs spread, and enjoying the feeling of having my limp clit between my thumb and the forefinger and pulling it eagerly. It all feel so good and so right.

I know it sounds odd, but at those times I also feel wonderfully feminine. To be precise, not only feminine, but inexplicably girly. Perhaps it's being still half asleep, perhaps it's the fact I'm spreading my legs like a slut, perhaps it's because I don't have a hard cock inside my fist but a small, limp, soft clit between my two fingers. It's difficult to say.

Many times this feeling also makes me want to caress my body as I edge. I usually start from my knees, then slide my palm over my hairless thighs and over my equally hairless belly and chest. I often stop there for a while, to play with my nipples, rolling them between my fingers, as well as pinching and pulling them hard.

I also like to let out small squeals, moans and sighs as I do this. Not grunts like men, but deep, relaxed sighs. Finally I push my fingers deep into my hair, marveling how long and thick it has already become, before lifting some of on the top of my head, while at the same time pulling my clit continually. Often this is all I need to make or keep myself turned on.

Even though I used the words "early morning", I don't get up from the bed until at ten the earliest. This is partly because a good morning erection makes me want to stay in bed and enjoy it as long as possible. My morning wank usually takes about four hours. I don't cum, of course, but little by little the magic fades away. Around two I usually get up and have my breakfast, with a great master plan to get something worthwhile done after it.

Usually this great master plan fails in a momentous way, thanks to everything I have told you earlier. Due to the lockdown I have no place to go, and absent-minded playing with myself leads easily to edging session after another, separated only by short naps when I'm too exhausted to edge anymore, or need to cool down, in order to be able to continue in a little while.

Fortunately, my limp clit seems to be able to withstand insane amounts of edging without any ill effects. We're taking about ten to fifteen hours a day, easily. In fact, whenever I manage to edge my clit long and hard enough to make it feel sore afterwards, it merely adds to the feeling. That is how a wanker's penis should feel, after all.

7.3.2020

I came across yesterday with an excellent post on Fetlife about female supremacy. About how the violent competitiveness men naturally posses have become a burden to civilization and how world now need the qualities women have. How that will lead men losing their power in the coming years, and how that will be a good thing. 

There was also a lot in the text about how this change is something submissive men should further. They should actively to find practical ways to help hasten the coming matriarchy. That includes voting women candidates and seeking ways to promote women in all areas of life. Submissive men should understand they are on the forefront of the coming change. 

The post really struck a chord in me, since I couldn't have agreed more with it. Men are aggressive, destructive and conflict driven whereas women usually posses more empathy, co-operation skills and intelligence. This is why I have been estranged from my assigned gender more and more as the years have gone by. The qualities the mankind as a whole and most men have are something I don't identify with the least bit. 

In fact, the word "man" is something I have always had trouble with. Nowadays the way I see it, is that being a male is an unfortunate biological fact I cannot do nothing about. But being a man is more than anything a social construct and something I don't have anything to do with. I am a male, but I refuse being a man.  

It is true not all women are better than men or posses the qualities mentioned earlier. Even some men have those qualities and as such have certain value. Still, as a whole womankind is superior to mankind, and would do much better being in charge in our society. I have recently seen it happen in my home country Finland.

The writer also envisioned some practical ideas on how to make this all possible. I feel that in a perfect world we would have more strict gender quotas, restrictions when it comes to applying for a political office, who knows some day even limits on voting rights. Above all, males should be encouraged to give the lead to women, both in their personal lives as well as in the society in general.

I have tried to further that goal all my life in terms of who I vote. I have voted in every political elections ever since I was turned 18 and I have always voted, if all possible, a candidate who is young and a woman. At first they were women of my own age, now I'm voting women half my age or less. Because that is where the future is.

The world needs to change, and it is changing. I do hope we are on the way towards a world where women will be the ruing class. The change is happening as we speak, on all areas of life and in the society. I merely fear there are too many destructive, reactionary forces working against that goal.

I also feel that the way lesbianism has been spreading like wildfire among young women especially is a sign of the changing times. More and more young women start their sexual experiments with women and never look back. I have observed this progress with great enthusiasm. The more women discover lesbianism the better.

Young men in general are far more inhibited by the patriarchal stereotype, and afraid of the gay stigma, making the male gender the loser in this case, as well. Therefore it is not surprising the most vocal opposing forces to this progress come from male groups many of which are openly misogynistic.   

Naturally there was criticism as well in the comment section, stating that only the submissive men "with their hands on their tiny boy parts" seem to genuinely support all this, and that even to them it is nothing more than a sexual kink, and something they have nothing to show for, when it comes to their actions.  

It is true most men who feel this way are sexually submissive, and the thrill an idea of a women led world gives us is as much a sexual one as it is an intellectual one. In my case, however, I cannot separate my sexuality from my thinking in general. I am turned on about the idea of a a women led world, but I truly do believe it would be a better world. 

As some of you know I myself am not unfamiliar with a subject of women led world as a sexual fantasy. Some time ago I wrote a piece, a sort of origin story to my kind of ideal world concept I came up with years ago. It is naturally only fantasy, and it includes some rather outlandish ideas, but some of you may still be interested reading it. 

Personally, I would like to think being submissive and fetishes like FLR, chastity and practices which concentrate solely on the woman's orgasm becoming mainstream among men is a sign of the changing times. That mankind in general or at least parts of it are becoming more acceptable about women being in charge. Perhaps it is not, but I hope it is.

4.1.2020

Life is curious sometimes. Things that have happened quite recently can give you way more stress than they should. Some things that did so years ago can come back like a blast from the past, and put you to a trip to the memory lane, as the saying goes. 

My second and by far the hottest ex has recently started to hang out at the same place as I do, after seven years of absence. Even though she left me in ruins, seeing her again on weekly basis has been surprisingly easy for me. Apparently sometimes time does heal all wounds.

It has, however, led to some rather interesting situations. A quite recently she told people she has this weird thing about certain numbers. For example, she cannot stop a microwave oven unless they appear on the amount of time that's left. We all have our own peculiarities.

What made the situation interesting for me was that fact I remember quite vividly a certain play session of ours during which she did allow me to cum, but wanted me to do it at a certain time. If I failed to cum during that minute I would have had to wait five or ten minutes to get the next chance.

This sort of thing, me cumming in front of her that is, didn't take place very often. In fact I remember only couple of those instances. I didn't insist it, and I much rather spent my time with my face buried to her crotch instead. She knew how much I loved eating her out, and according to her I was pretty good at it too.

I guess I felt already at that point that my pleasure and orgasms are secondary to those of the woman of my life. This preference of mine matched perfectly with her, as did many other fetishes. She was the first woman who had no problems whatsoever of watching me masturbate in front of her, among many other things. 

She was also one of the first persons who got me into chastity play. Generally I was free to cum as much as I liked, and quite often this took place during our chat sessions on-line. My girlfriend had a healthy libido, and our chat sessions were rather steamy. Quite often we ended up both masturbating during them, she with her phone in her hand, and me at home in front of my computer.

One time, however, she got the idea I shouldn't cum until we saw each other in a few days time. I have described the conversation in one of my earlier posts, so I won't go into detail here. Let's just say what followed was a quite an emotional roller-coaster, especially considering I ended up being denied a whole week for her. 

This all took place later, however. At the time my girlfriend requested for me to cum at a exact time I was used to cumming daily. I did consider, however, whether I should consciously postpone my orgasm. Therefore I could have gotten five, ten or fifteen minutes more of me masturbating my limp clit in front of her, with her teasing and taunting me about it. Ultimately I didn't, which I still regret. 

At the time I finally let ejaculate spurt from my limp penis, with my girlfriend smirking at me, victorious and apparently also pleased about my obedience and punctuality, I wasn't sure whether she was bullshitting me. But apparently she wasn't. It seems she does have a thing with certain numbers.

I am 100% certain my ex doesn't remember that particular instance anymore, but I sure do, and it was very hard for me not to silently smile while she was telling everyone her little microwave story. If only they had known...

7.11.2019

The picture I have chosen as illustration for this blog post is a photo I came across with at some point. I find it extremely erotic, and I have wanted to write a longer description why that is. However, since I am aware it would simply disappear elsewhere, I am making a post of it here.

As most assumed males, I too have a desire to be watched when I masturbate. The fetish for it is so common among men, no matter whether you are submissive or not, that I can only suspect it serves some primal need in us. Naturally many women have that need too.

It is, however, something that has been an extremely rare treat for me. That is to be expected, considering how sad and limited my sexual history is. My first girlfriend also found it really problematic. On the other hand doing it on-line is way too risky, and I have no desire to end up being blackmailed. I have heard some chilling horror stories.

One solution I have come up with are my so called "wanking mirrors". If you're interested, you are free to use the search box on the right to find out what they are. In a way they make it possible for me to be watched by someone when I masturbate, even if that someone is me. Also, using them is extremely humiliating.

Usually when a male cums he closes his eyes to enjoy the experience fully, without anything interfering it. However, back in the day when I used to cum, I did it differently if I felt especially naughty, and forced myself to watch my facial expressions from a mirror as I ejaculated. One could say I wanted to see what women have had to endure when they have had to see me cum.

Therefore, my desire to be watched when I masturbate has nothing to do with me believing it would be something hot to see, not even sexy. I am painfully aware I am not sexy to look at, least of which watching me masturbate. Bear in mind, my excuse of a penis doesn't even get hard, but stays limp the whole time.

I am aware if a woman saw me masturbating now, she would think of it pathetic, ridiculous, perhaps even sad. All the huffing and puffing, and pulling on that little limp piece of skin? The most I could hope was her to see it as funny, and amusing. Something she could be more than welcomed to laugh at.

Because let's face it she would be absolutely right to do so. I do look pathetic and sad when I masturbate or edge. I have seen it myself, when I've cummed in front of a full body mirror. Sometimes, knowing that is the thing that turns me on, as I do it. How sad and pathetic it is, especially if I am pulling my limp clit fifth hour in a row.

Like I said, I haven't had many chances for being observed while I masturbate, not even a one woman. The thing is, fantasy wise the next step up from there is to be observed by several women. In fact, that has been one of my biggest fantasies, ever since childhood. All of you, who have read my fiction know the subject pops up from there over and over again.

For some reason many submissive men seem to find the thought of being naked in front of teenage girls, either masturbating or doing something else humiliating, extremely hot. I understand that fascination and share it, as well. The mere thought of being taken advantage and humiliated by a group on young women is indeed extremely hot. At the same time it is something I won't ever experience, naturally.

All the women in the photo are in their early twenties, but it is not the only thing that makes me find the photo so erotic. There is also the fact they are looking at the camera, or me, from the above. This means I must be on my back on the ground or the floor, masturbating while the girls have gathered above me to observe my facial expressions.

And finally, there is the fact not one of them is smiling. They're all dead serious, looking at me intently, closely, and silently. There is no evidence they would find what I do pleasing, not even amusing. They are merely interested to see what a male look like when he masturbates.

27.10.2019

Perhaps I'm a bit too much of a feminist, but I find husbands who get off, or get a boner from doing housework to be somewhat creepy. Not because it's something they shouldn't do, quite the opposite.

What I would like to ask them is this. Did you get sexually excited when you were single and did all the housework? You didn't? Ah, it is: "But now I'm doing it to serve her!", is that the case?

No offence, but if you're "humiliating" yourself in front of your wife by doing something you think you're not supposed to do, because you think it is her job, you're not serving her, you're just letting it show what kind of chauvinistic asshole you really are.

I guess many of you remember the dishwashing-gate after Captain Marvel? Many male fans thought the filming showing us Nick Fury doing dishes was the ultimate insult. How dare they, Nick Fury, the manliest man there is, doing woman's work?

At the time I wondered how do men like this, or men in USA in general it seems, survive when they’re single? If washing dishes is such a lowly task it is reserved only for women, do single men use every clean dish in their house and then simply move out?

If you do housework for your wife, great. But this is not 1950's. You are her partner. You are supposed to do do fifty per cent of the housework. If you get off from it, because you feel it's humiliating, there's something screwed up in the way you see gender roles.

Rant over.

13.10.2019

A couple of days ago there was a post on Bdsmlr which equated long term chastity with so called Stockholm syndrome. That is, the longer one stays in chastity the more he starts to fear freedom.

That is an interesting way to look at it, but I must agree. It does work like that, at least with it does with me, even though I do my chastity alone.

I have on many occasions ended up explaining the mechanics behind prolonged chastity to baffled people on-line. I have told them the longer you deny yourself, the more the thought of starting to cum normally stats to feel strange and unnatural, even frightening.

Or, as a real life female friend who I have confided to about my weird fetish once said, as I pondered whether I will stop my chastity after some big milestone: "I think you will go on. Continuing is the safe thing to do, and you have always wanted to play it safe. I know you too well."

What I find interesting, as well as humorous and sad, is the fact that almost every time people also bring up the subject of intercourse: "Soon you will start fear sex and intercourse as well." In a way that is understandable, for most normal people that is what sex is. 

I, however, find that presumption somewhat disturbing. The thing is, as far as penetration goes, it is something I have never actually understood. This is due to the fact I started losing the ability to become erect in my thirties, way before I my first girlfriend finally managed to take my cherry.

Many times fellow subs have asked me on-line: "But don't you miss fucking?" I usually reply: "Do you miss being on Mars?" How could I miss something I have never had?

I have had normal penetrative sex a few times in my life, but I have to admit I've never felt it's something I should be doing. It's what grown-ups and real men and women do. So, in other words, I have been afraid of intercourse and sex all my life.

I feel the most I could hope for, sexually speaking, would be to find a woman who would allow me to pleasure her orally whenever she so wishes, and if she feels I have earned it, to masturbate or edge while she observes. Whether I would be allowed to actually cum would be totally up to her.

I am, however, very bad at "selling myself" to the fairer gender. I am not that bad to look at, but I feel I don't have a right to approach women. After all, I have so little to offer, and my sexual tastes are too peculiar. I am painfully aware I am inadequate sexually, and unable to satisfy women, so why even try?

The original thread on Bdsmlr can be found here.

18.9.2019

Gloria Steinem has said: "Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else". I have noticed that in my case the same thing applies to edging.

Recently there was a post on one of the sites I'm on, with a picture of a man masturbating his sizable, erect cock, with the text: "Reblog if this is your favourite hobby. Naturally I did, because there's no denying it.

My genital appendix is perhaps a fifth of the size of the monster in the photo, and I'm completely impotent, meaning I use only two fingers to masturbate. And as you know, I don't cum, only edge. But other than that, yes. Masturbation is without a doubt my favourite hobby.

If there's a chance, I usually edge several hours a day, sometimes more than once a day. As I pull my limp clit I get such a high, feeling that this is what I was made to do, what I'm supposed to do in life. I'm a wanker. And I've very proud to be one, because it is one of the few things I'm good at.

Nothing gives me greater joy than edging for hours, taking myself as close to orgasm as possible, but knowing there is no chance whatsoever I will actually cum. That information gives edging its meaning. Knowing the hornyness won't away, ever.

Many times I won't stop until I'm too exhausted or tired, or hungry, usually all three because I usually skip meals to be able to masturbate more. Or, if I actually have some social life, or a party to attend to. Many times at a party I find myself thinking I would much rather be edging at home.

As you may guess, I was masturbating frantically as I was writing this.



I remember one time when I was going on and on and on about it to an on-line Domme I know. How I love to hear that I cannot cum, or that I'm not supposed to cum, like normal people. "I think I know you well enough to know orgasms bring you no pleasure", she said. "As it should be". What she said made me think.

Physically, edging does give me pleasure. After all, that is the reason I pull my limp such insane amounts of time. Daily if I get a chance, usually hours at a time, if possible. I love the feeling of orgasm waiting for to happen, deep inside my testicles. But I want to keep it there, and stay horny.

But orgasms are the tricky part. I think it's true they give me no pleasure anymore, not on their own at least. Having them just feels so... wrong. They're too enjoyable, for me at least. I haven't earned that kind of pleasure. Other people are supposed to have them, not me.

So, in other words, it's mostly in my head. My body would like to have them, that's why it's so excited whenever I start to edge, as is my brain.

But my brain knows I am not supposed to have orgasms, or experience that kind of pleasure. My brain and my body disagree there, but they both do feel I should edge as much as possible, be as horny as possible, and get myself as close to the orgasm as possible, but never actually to experience it.


I have been without an orgasm for more than 400 days at the moment. In fact as I'm writing this it's less than three months to reaching my previous record of 497 days and finally breaking it. I am confident this time I will be able to do it. Most likely I want to make 2019 a completely orgasm-free year for me.

I have spoken about my chastity many time with people on-line, and told them it's very hard to think what to do afterwards. Why stop there? If I cum I will have to start from scratch again. Wouldn't it be much more fun to keep going, to see how long is it possible to go?

I have also told them I feel that stopping now would require an incredibly strong motivation. It would have to be something momentous, such as a woman actually wanting to see live how I finally cum, after all this time, preferably by ruining my own orgasm. 

However, such woman appearing from somewhere just like that seems highly unlikely, at least as long as I spend most of my time at home edging. Only thing that would be able to "save" me from more and more denial is in fact a woman. But it seems I'm at the moment quite safe from something like that happening. 


I do remember the time I used to have orgasms, even though after I have forgotten how they actually feel by now. The moment of an orgasm was glorious, but every single time I felt such shame afterwards. I think it was because in 99,99% of the times I have orgasmed, I have had to do it without a permission from a woman. 

I have been fortunate enough to experience it a few times. And I must say, whenever I've had a permission from a woman or done it under observation it has felt so good. No shame, only satisfaction that comes from obeying. Having to decide myself when to cum and when not, it's just so wrong, and so unnatural.

I am so deep inside this, in my feelings of worthlessness, and that I'm supposed to be denied of orgasms, and many things majority of people takes for granted. In fact, I know if I had to explain this to someone they would think I'm insane. They just wouldn't understand. That realization, feeling so alienated, feeling such a freak, scares me sometimes.


Then again, I seem to have a some sort of self-destructive quality in me, and I've never hid my submissiveness, or the fact I know very much about porn, when I'm in company  

A few days ago I attended a meeting. I'm not as tech savvy as most of my friends, and like to print the stuff I need in the meeting. But because I want to save the planet, as well as money, I often print them on the backs of sheets we've already used for something else.

As we were having the meeting a female friend of mine who was sitting opposite of me started giggling and told me the reason for it, as well. The back of the stack of papers I was holding had a text "OPEN DOORS, EVERYBODY WELCOME" and a giant arrow pointing, well, straight to my crotch.

"Oh, I must disappoint you" I said, as I took a folder out to hide the text from amused eyes. "I'm afraid there's nothing in my pants that would interested a freshman geek girl. Unfortunately".

As we were continuing the meeting my friend still had trouble getting over the situation and said between giggles: "Sorry, I'm just not able to..." I scoffed. "Well, neither am I, that's the whole problem!"

At this point another of my female friends intervened, and said that perhaps this is a bit too much information, even in our normal standards.

What can I say. Never be ashamed of what you are.