30.8.2015

My Queen has been traveling this weekend, which has left me a lot of time to be on my own. During that time I've tried to do the stuff I should have done for weeks now. However, I emphasize the word "try", since I seem to be way too preoccupied to focus much on anything.

My Queen even commented about that, as I was seeing her off to the railway station, the fact I seem to think about sex much more than she does. "Usually I just do it and then I can then I go on for days and not to think about it at all." I was a bit surprised, and had to ask: "Honey, you do understand there is a reason for it?".

She can masturbate if she is tense, or had a bad day, or just feels like it. It relaxes her nicely and after that she can take a little nap. I can't do that. What was once the same kind of private momentary retreat is off limits for me now.

Yes, I think sex most of the time, but that's because I can't get a relief when I want to.

However, there is no one else I can blame this on than myself. In fact, every time I feel the boiling sensation in my testicles and know I won't give myself release, while my Queen is free to cum as much as she wants I couldn't be happier.

If you have read my updates some months ago you know I experienced a rather interesting phenomenon earlier this summer. Possibly due to warm weather I felt my libido going overdrive, resulting to some rather interesting period of my life.

Four weeks ago my Queen finally made me to ejaculate for her. I feel no regret about it. After all, I love her and I'm hers to use however she sees fit. That applies to my ejaculations as well. They are hers now, and she is free to do with them whatever she likes. That was also the first time she got to see what I look like when I cum.

However, it seems me ejaculating made my libido, at least when my testicles are concerned, to go to sleep, despite me trying to give it as much visual stimulation as possible. There's horniness in my head, but not in my balls. I've hoped what I felt earlier during the summer would return, but so far no such luck.

Currently we're experiencing the last days of summer over here in Finland, and this Saturday was an exceptionally warm day. I'm unsure whether it was the heat, or all the time I was by myself, or perhaps being very scantily dressed, but during the whole weekend I felt more horny physically than I've felt in ages when I'm on my own.

Like you most likely read from my last update, earlier this week I trimmed my groin area a bit, to give my Queen smooth balls to handle. Since I want to keep them that way I continued the trimming during the weekend, and hunting runaway hairs I may have missed earlier.

I was doing it yesterday, while sitting in my chair. The sun was shining through the window directly at my balls and penis, making it easier to find loose hairs. When I had finished what I was doing I gave my balls one last feel and then grabbed my limp penis into my fist, to make sure there wasn't any stubble left.

And then... something happened and I immediately let go of my limp penis. I looked at it shocked, still basking in the sunlight. What had just taken place? It had happened so quickly it's hard to tell. All I know at that point it felt if I had hold my limp penis a second longer I would have ejaculated.

It seems my libido may be finally waking up. That, or it was merely the warm weather and my imagination is playing tricks on me. Naturally I wish it weren't that, and I'm getting my sweet frustration back. It also means I need to be extra careful from now on.

We discussed the matter very briefly on-line with my Queen tonight, and I told her, quite directly, how horny I had been the whole Sunday as well.

"Sorry, I don't know where that came from", I said.

"It came from your balls", she answered "Then again, they haven't gotten a release for some time now, haven't they."

Then there was pause and she continued: "Well, in fact they have been without a release for only a short while. We must correct this. And the only way to correct this is to make sure they won't be able to cum for a long, long time."

Have I told you yet how much I love her?

28.8.2015

I could have made the following update several days ago. However, I have been somewhat busy. I also wanted to save you all from yet another update filled with details that make my life seem like a one of a some sort of sex maniac. Which I am, of course, but not the most usual type, I suppose.

I saw my Queen earlier this week. We both attended a meeting that offered a chance for us to meet afterwards at her place, especially since we both knew she would have to go to see her parents this weekend.

Earlier on that day I had plucked, trimmed and shaved my balls and testicles in the hope it would please my Queen. She had noted earlier that if I want her to do more things to my testicles I could trim it a bit, which I naturally did.

I don't shave myself bare, but I do trim the region a lot and leave only a short hair above the penis. However, I do try to make the balls as smooth as possible, since handling them that way feels, quite frankly, very pleasurable.

So I was quite anxious to get to show off my trimmed genitals to my Queen, but then things happened, and the fact I had now smooth balls was somewhat overshadowed by it.

The things is, after our last encounter last weekend, and her first trip to porn store with me, my Queen had apparently been enthusiastic enough to make some purchases online from a Finnish adult toy store. We picked up the package on our way to her place, and she was very keen to show the new toys to me.

The other one was a ball gag, and it seems she was a bit nervous whether I thought it would be a bit extreme or too much for me to handle. I told her she was being silly again, and that anything she was into couldn't ever been too much for me, because I love her.

We tried it out a bit, and I got to act a bit like a dom again. That is, giving her orders and so on, which she seems to like.  She said she had been unsure whether the gag was actually her thing, but she had wanted to find out whether she would like it. It remains to be seen who much she wants to see me use it on her in future.

The other purchase, however, seemed to be a success. I own a pair of handcuffs, but since she seems to think they're a bit too girly (they're shiny and pink) she had wanted to buy a better pair for herself, made out of black leather and with easier locking mechanism.

In retrospection it's a bit funny she bought the handcuffs primarily for herself, but they ended up being on me most of the time. After I had put them on her and she had tried how they feel for a while, she put them on me, so that my hands were behind my back. If I'm not mistaken that was the first time I got to experience it.

We started kissing while both of us standing, and soon I was practically begging my Queen to remove my undies, which she complied to after a while. She teased my limp penis a bit and I finally understood the fascination of handcuffs. No matter how hard I would have liked to start wanking, I couldn't. The cuffs took away all responsibility.

My Queen also told me, as I walked around, that my bare ass, with my cuffed hands in front of it, looked very tasty, and something that could have been straight out of a fetish shoot. I was naturally pleased to hear it, since I do want to look pretty for my Queen.  

My Queen also fulfilled another one of my many fantasies, namely being led around from my limp penis, as she dragged me to a full length mirror to see my image. She even asked me whether I was ready for it, apparently wanting to make sure it wouldn't be as big step for me that it is to her. I was naturally very keen seeing myself, simply for the humiliation value.

I also found it curious that being led from my limp penis wasn't nearly as humiliating as I suspected it to be. It merely felt.... right and natural, somehow. Even safe, feeling my Queen's fingers on my limp penis and not having to decide yourself where you're going.

After we had watched ourselves from the mirror my Queen came to stand behind me and started teasing me verbally, whispering to my ear how it was impossible for me to masturbate or even touch myself, no matter how much I wanted.

Something made me lift my hands a bit and start pulling her skirt upwards. As my fingers touched her pussy through her panties I heard her gasp and say: "I see you found the place you are allowed to touch". I slid my fingers inside her panties and as they met her slick pussy lips I heard her gasp. I started masturbating her and she soon reached an orgasm, a small but still an orgasm, while holding her hands tight around me.

It's not every day one can say he can make his woman cum even with his hands tied.

After my Queen had wiped my fingers clean she wanted to see whether some of her shoes fit on me. One pair did, to her great joy, as well as mine. The pair on question was dark blue, with wedge heel, and a tip that left my toes visible. And even though I say so myself, my feet looked pretty darn cute in them.

Even though they were tight, walking on them wasn't at all hard, even though it felt a bit of hazardous considering my hands were cuffed behind my back and I'm a big guy. However, I do have a little experience walking on high heels, since I own a pair of leather women's boots I sometimes wear in fetish parties. The trick, of course, is to take very small steps.

We even ended up putting some very light polish on my toenails, which made them look even more cute. In retrospection it is somewhat curious that my Queen had been worried whether that being made to wear women's clothing such as shoes would be too much for me. Nothing would have been farther from the truth and I hope she does it more in the future.

As we lay on the bed cuddling and kissing, we also ended up trying a rather interesting sex position. Truth to tell, we haven't been very adventurous when it comes to positions, due to the fact we're both rather inexperienced.

In any case, I somehow ended up between her legs while she was laying on her tummy on the bed. In a spur of the moment I decided to try whether I could reach her pussy from there. I did, and even managed to slid my thumb in. I masturbated her some time, and tried out some techniques, which some worked, some not.

Finally I took out my Queen's recent purchase, the vibrator made out of very soft material, and tried it in. It slid in, rather easily. I must say I was quite amazed, since not long ago it was the penetration that had caused us problems. And this time there was no additional lubricant involved either. I fucked her quite a while with the vibrator from behind, and could have continue to do so twice as much.

Afterwards it was again time for cuddling . That and most likely everything that had happened during the night made me very horny. Finally I couldn't resist anymore and I had to direct my horniness to somewhere. Therefore I ended up giving my Queen another session of "chained" orgasms.

For what must have been almost an half an hour there was nothing but the wet sounds as I slid my hand in steady rhythm on her pussy and, and her moaning and having an orgasm after another. I had decided I would keep doing it until she begs me to stop, which she ultimately did.

I asked my Queen afterwards did she have any idea how many orgasms she had and her rough estimate was "around five". It seems with women it's hard to pinpoint where one orgasms stops and other one starts. However, I believe the quality, not only the quantity of her orgasms have risen recently as well.

Before we went to bed we showered together, for the first time. This time it was her idea, and I was very pleased she asked it. The thing is, I had suggested it to my Queen some months ago, but she had declined and said it would been "too much", so I hadn't brought it up again. She seemed to have totally forgotten the whole conversation.

I must admit I had again my reservations. I have been in that situation once and it had taught me showering together, something that's the ultimate erotic thing to do in the movies, can be lot less sexy in real life. However, it seems everything really is more fun with my Queen. 

I hadn't initially meant to sleep at her place, but by the time I would have had to leave it was so late I gave in and decided to stay. By the time we went to bed I was so horny, after hours of new experiences and also a bit of teasing, I practically humped my Queen's lovely hip, and whimpered like a small animal as we both fell into sleep.

Some time during the early hours of the morning I woke up with a raging hard-on. I do have morning erections, even though my penis doesn't get up at other times. I mentioned that to my Queen and she slid her hand to it, taking a good hold of my hard-on, but soon drifted back to sleep as I had guessed she would.

What followed must have been one of the weirdest, most romantic and erotic experiences of my life. My Queen's hand on my cock kept me hard and horny, but since it didn't move, or touch the tip, there was simple frustration.

Waves of horniness washed over my body and I couldn't do nothing but just lay there in the darkness. I didn''t move, or try to create friction on my cock. Quite the contrary, I tried to stay as motionless as possible, since I thought movement could make my Queen to take her hand away.  

I even thought it would be interesting, almost kind of amusing, if managed to orgasm there, from the simple feeling of my Queen's hand at the base of my cock. Also the fact she was asleep added to the situation. Naturally nothing of the sort happened.

In the morning I mentioned to my Queen about the incident, and asked whether she remembered it. It wouldn't be the first time something we did almost full asleep is forgotten in the morning. My Queen said she did, and that she had left her hand there on purpose, knowing very well she would fall asleep right away.

Sometimes I don't understand how is it possible I'm blessed with a wonderful girlfriend like her.

24.8.2015

This time it's a bit hard for me to decide where to start. So much has happened recently.

A week ago on Monday my Queen again paid me a surprise visit. I told her i really wouldn't have time for it, since I had tons of stuff to do. However, she was persuasive enough to make me give in.

Nevertheless, it was fun. She teased my limp cock quite expertly, and I gave her two orgasms after I had teased her quite a lot. The thing is, she has said she likes it as well, being made to to wait, horny and frustrated, almost begging for more direct attention.

I also got to use a technique I had read about but never believed would actually work: a feather.

I made my Queen to close her eyes, and went to other room to get it. When I started to caress her labia lips with it she got a bit startled and asked what it was. After I told her it was a synthetic feather she calmed down and was amazed herself how effective it was. She was dripping wet in mere minutes.

During our little session I even managed to eat her out a bit. We haven't done oral sex a lot, since finding a right position seems to be a bit difficult for us. This we didn't plan it at all, I had to stop after a while because my neck hurt too much. She enjoyed her orgasms, nevertheless.   

The next morning, after a night slept together, I got to experience something I had felt maybe once in my life: a condom on my penis. I had a morning erection and my Queen wanted to try out what putting a condom on it is like.

I had purchased a package of condoms couple of years ago, but the relationship I was at that point ended before we managed to have sex, and the package had never been opened. Yes, as you can see, I have sex very, very rarely.

I was amazed how thin those things are. When it was on me I barely saw it. I asked my Queen to lick it a bit, and she complied. I was a bit surprised how little I felt. I do know there's not much sensitivity in the head of my penis, but I was still a surprise.

At least this means that most likely I won't have to fear about premature ejaculations, when I finally get to have intercourse with my Queen.  She in turn said she suddenly realized the fascination with flavoured condoms, which I ended up buying later that week.

We also spent the last weekend together. It was all in all a four day period together, almost a record one could day. In fact my Queen even informed this morning she almost made a two cups of coffee instead of one, after being so accustomed having me around.

On Saturday we did a trip to the local Ikea store to buy things we both needed. I was once again very pleased and happy about the fact how nice and fun it is to run errands with her. I feel I don't have to pretend when I'm with her, or to worry I'm acting goofy.

It was a long day, and a one I'm sure that would have made me and my ex snapping at each other at the end of the day. With her everything is so smooth and easy. Then again, we do seem to be very good at taking the other person's needs into account, as well.

In terms of our sex life, however, something much more significant took place on that day as well.  Before making the Ikea trip we paid a quick visit to a porn store that's located near to my apartment. We had never visited a porn store together, and this was a first visit for her to a one.

I admit I was a bit worried, since I had done similar thing once, with the ex I mentioned before. And let's just say it didn't went well. My Queen, however, seemed to be very cool about everything. The fact that the place wasn't as sleazy it could have been, and that the salesperson was a young woman helped as well, I suppose.

The most important piece of information in our visit to the shop is the fact that my Queen bought her first vibrator there. I had visited the store some time ago and had come across a model that would suit her way better than the one I bought online earlier this year.

As some of you may have guessed, there has been some obstacles in our sex life. Those obstacles include also the ones having to do with penetration. Last week my Queen paid a visit to a gynaecologist and we got plenty of new, somewhat surprising information. There seems to be light in the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Pun not intended.

On Sunday we finally had a chance to try the vibrator and quite frankly, I have to say: "Heureka!". I don't want to go into too much detail, but the purchase as well as us trying it out. or rather in, was a success. I like my girlfriend's new toy a lot and hope to have a lots of fun in the future by making love to her with it.

Afterwards we talked about it a bit and my Queen assured she will start using it a lot when I'm not around. I'm so happy.

At that point I would have been quite ready to call the weekend a success. However, as I departed her place on Sunday it was clear both of us wanted to prolong the visit. It was an incredibly idyllic, warm summer evening. First we ended up having ice cream on a rather fancy, new ice cream place downtown, after which I invited her to visit my place.

It was quite a visit.

Like I've stated before, we're both switches, my Queen and I. She has a habit of occasionally mentioning her fantasies to me, things she would like me sometimes do. I have tried to take her wished into account, even though being a dom isn't in my nature. However, I love my Queen and want very much for her to be happy.

When she was at my place one thing led to another and I ended up, on the spur of the moment, giving her a good domination session. During it I did most of the things she has mentioned recently. She was surprised to say the least, but then again, so was I.

The session started with me disrobing her as we were standing and kissing, which made her unbelievably wet. I proceeded masturbating her as she stood there. I did it almost against her will, which only seemed to add to her horniness. It didn't take long for her to cum, with her body almost completely limp, arms wrapped around my neck and me supporting her weight.

I continued the session by cuffing her hands and putting a nice, wide red leather collar I own on her, as well as pulling her around from it a bit. I also got to demonstrate my collection of clothespins for her, and put two of them on her beautiful tits. There was also a lot of ordering her around and generally me being "cruel" and "mean" to her. She seemed to love every minute of it.

All of this made her quite horny, and as we finally lay on the bed together, with her totally nude and hands cuffed behind her back, the two clothespins still on her tits, she said the clothespins alone almost made her orgasm. As I took them off and then started to lick her nipples lovingly she sounded as if she was going insane, and said my tongue had never felt like that.

I also found that being "mean" can be quite fun. After the first one was off and she were starting to sound... well, way too coherent, I snapped the other one off with her in the middle of a sentence, taking her quite off guard and making her scream out loud. "Did you do that on purpose?" she asked me after she had recovered, and I nodded. The smile she gave me could have melt mountains.

After the pins were off I started masturbating her with lots of lube, and managed to make her orgasm twice. The last one seemed to last several minutes. I must say it was very enjoyable, keeping the constant rhythm as I slid my fingers on her slick pussy, and listening her orgasm, over and over, and hearing her moaning and howling become more and more loud.   

Finally she had to literally beg me top stop, because she was so powerless and almost unable to speak.  All in all, I managed to make her orgasm five times that day. Afterwards the last one was the best orgasm of her entire life. I can't help but to feel a bit proud of myself.

I know this doesn't sound a weekend of a sub and his Mistress. Then again, my Queen has given me so much, being so cool about my need to submit to her, accepting the responsibility of controlling my orgasms, that I want to give something back in return.

I am also very happy about the fact that even though there was a lot of teasing involved, we never came close to a slip up. On several mornings my Queen teased me, sometimes even masturbated me properly, and made me very horny in mere minutes.

However, every time I realized I started to approach the danger zone I informed her about it immediately and she stopped what she was doing. We seem to be getting better and better at keeping me horny and frustrated, and I have a feeling my Queen starts to enjoy it more and more, as well.

At one point, during the weekend, when she was teasing me very expertly, I remember being quite incoherent and telling her that for me the most erotic feature in her is face. That sweet, innocent face, smiling so broadly and watching me writhe in frustration and sexual agony.   

I love her so.

19.8.2015

I have for some time now thought I should make a some sort of update, to explain a bit of my situation, and to clear up some questions people visiting my blog or Facebook page seem to have.

I'm in chastity. That means my Queen controls my orgasms. For almost a month now I have been on complete wank ban. That means I don't have permission to masturbate, edge, tease or touch myself in sexual way on my own. Nothing.

However, I am not "caged" and I do not wear a chastity belt. For me the main thrill is to stay chaste simply because I love my Queen, not because some piece of plastic or metal makes me do it. I could wank myself, but I do not, because I have made her a promise. Simple as that.

We have come to the conclusion the current arrangement suits us very well. I get constantly aroused by the fact I can't touch myself, and when we are together all attention my Queen gives mean so much more to me now. My Queen is in many ways the sole source of my enjoyment.

There is a lengthy history behind my chastity. The project begun way back in 2013, long before I had met my Queen. I had prior to that completed several chastity periods for various reasons, but it ended up being the longest, after the person in control lost interest in me.

In March of this year, when the day count was 500, I told about my project to my girlfriend, who was quite cool about the whole thing, and agreed taking the responsibility of controlling my orgasms from now on. Which my Queen has done, quite expertly.  

During the last few months I have had couple of slip-ups while edging. There were a few close calls, a couple of ruined orgasms, and two produced by my Queen. All of them however took after March, meaning I was completely chaste way over a year, and during the year 2013 I didn't have a single orgasm. I have had four "discharges" in 2014 so far. That's four ejaculations in 22 months.   

In any case, since my cum ban has now crumbled bit by bit, lately I made a decision to end it, retroactively. That means changing history so that every little slip-up I've had now count as orgasms. Meaning I have now had chastity periods lasting 7, 24, 497, 73 and 58 days. Currently the day count is at 17. 

However, even though I haven't been totally cum free during the last few months, November the first, 2013, still marks the last time I had last the possibility to masturbate and cum by my own hand simply because I was horny and wanted to. At the moment I hope I will never have that possibility again.

So no, even though we have dated for almost nine months now with my Queen, we haven't had sex. At least in terms of intercourse, that is. There are some medical concerns which I won't go into here, that have prevented us from doing so.

One issue that also comes up several times when talking to people is the fact I am impotent. There is no other way to put it, and I am quite comfortable using the term. It is caused at least partly by diabates.

I haven't been able to "get it up" way over a decade now, and my inability to perform more or less destroyed the sex life in my first relationship. My condition has also stopped me trying actively "to get some", so to speak, because I have considered there would be no point to it. 

I get hard on mornings, and sometimes when I'm with my Queen, but it never lasts more that a few minutes. Viagra doesn't help, but Caverject does. However the latter is a bit extreme option, as well as being rather expensive and so far I haven't had any need for stiff cock.

At some point, when the situation demands it, I will make a trip to the pharmacy, but like I said, so far there hasn't been a need for it. And no, even though we haven't had sex, my Queen doesn't have "another man on the side", nor is she interested in interracial stuff. That stuff is very unknown here, due to cultural differences.

Also, lately my Queen has become quite skillful teasing my limp cock, and I hope she will improve even more in the future. Also the fact that I am constantly horny and usually haven't had any kind of stimulation there for week or more, helps.

I have in turn become very good with my fingers and lately also with my tongue. I love to make my Queen orgasm, and I also encourage her to masturbate as much as she likes when we're not together. I have merely expressed a wish she informs me about her orgasms afterwards, since it is a great way to make more horny and frustrated.  

14.8.2015

Sometimes romance can be born out of very little things. And no, I am not referring to my penis this time.

A couple of days ago my Queen visited me briefly. She did it because she knew we couldn't see each other during the weekend, due to the fact I was going away for a few days. The briefness in turn was caused by her parents, who by the way have no idea about my existence, and who had decided they wanted to visit her daughter just that day.

Even though we had only few hours together, it is amazing how long it seemed, and how much we managed to do in that short time. There was some sort of... sweet desperation in it even, almost as if my ship sailed at dawn and we had no idea when we would see each other again.

The time seemed endless, when we both knew we had to take advantage of every moment. The amount of cuddling one can do in mere few hours is amazing.

We also ended up playing a bit with ice-cream, something we had talked about many times in the past. I just happened to have it in the fridge, and as I realized I had low blood sugar, I decided this would be an excellent time to hit two birds with one stone, so to say.

I admit had my reservations when it came to ice-cream play. I had tried it once, and truth to tell, it hadn't been that special. You put ice-cream on a person and lick it off, where's the big deal? But it seems everything is more fun with my Queen.

I think the main difference is that this time we both were open-minded and wanted to experiment, to see what it felt like. We were on a playful mood, and she watched me smiling, and looking incredibly beautiful, as I played with ice-cream on her breast.

Placing small amounts ice cream on the top on her breast and seeing the nipple stand erect, catching the ice-cream as it started to dribble, teasing her breast and the nipple sometimes with the spoon, sometimes with your tongue was more fun I could have ever imagined.

Finally, after I had teased her quite a long time, I licked the remaining ice-cream off her body. Her breast felt cold and slippery, but in a good way, and she said that after the cold ice-cream, my warm tongue had felt very nice as well.
When the play was over I licked her breast thoroughly clean, and even got a towel and dried it properly. She seemed to like that as well.

Like you most likely remember, during the last weekend the hadn't been any orgasming involved, thanks to mother nature. Since mother nature was now asleep, it was high time I gave my Queen a few orgasms. I suppose that was one of her reasons for visiting me.

During the afternoon gave her three orgasms, that last of which happened while I was giving her cunnilingus. That was the third time we got to do it, and according to her every one has been a better experience.

I am no novice when it comes to pussy licking, but it seems that even though you know the basics, every woman, and every pussy, is unique, with different preferences. In a way a pussy licker must study every woman as it were his first.

Before my Queen had to leave she even granted a wish of mine and gave me a bit of bladder torture. It just happened I had had a full bladder for some time, but keeping my Queen happy had kept me from going to toilet. When she sat on me and rocked herself slightly back and forth I hugged her backside and told her I must be the luckiest guy in the world.

Because I think I am.

12.8.2015

I have done some soul searching, or perhaps I should say, libido searching, the past couple of days.

Like you most likely remember, last month was rather peculiar experience for me. Quite suddenly and out of the blue I was constantly horny and suffering from intense waves of ecstasy and frustration.

I have tried to figure out what must have triggered it, by putting it into the day count context.

When I first ended up trying out a wank ban with a help form a female friend, it lasted for a week. At that time I was used to having an ejaculation daily, and the week seemed like an eternity. By the time I got to six days, the slightest visual stimulation made my limp penis twitch in my pants.

In the summer of 2013 I ended up breaking that record and stayed chaste for almost four weeks, something that seemed staggering at the time. Even though I was horny as hell the whole time, I would have liked to continue the ban, just to see how long I could last.

When I reached the same day count a few months later there was no one to say no, so I continued the ban on my own, and reached 497 days, before my first slip-up, resulting a very uncomfortable ruined orgasm.

In a way that ended the chastity period, even though I decided to continue, my ban as well as counting the days. I rationalized it by thinking that it wasn't like I had decided to cum, my body had. And yes, the first of November 2013 still marks the last time I orgasmed by my own free will.  

At the time the ban had lasted about six months I noticed I could wank quite safely, without the danger of cumming. Truth to tell, I could do it for hours and hours. That must have led me to overconfidence.

After that I have completed chastity periods of 73 and 53 days. The first of the two ended in the presence of my Queen, and the latter by the unfortunate slip-up that took place last month, after weeks of extreme horniness and conscious teasing and testing myself.

After the first slip up I was, for several days, very irritable and short-tempered, something I have afterwards understood, were side-effects of being horny again. However, after second ejaculation, that took place after 73 days the effect wasn't nearly as intense.

So, when my born-again horniness, one could say, appeared in the beginning of last month, about 40 days after the last ejaculation, it really was quite unexpected. It just appeared from somewhere.

And like I've told you, the function of my body didn't seem to follow any logic otherwise either. I was able to reach the edge level after a minute long very, very slow stroking, and when my slip-up finally happened, my penis started spurting sperm when I wasn't even touching it.    

When my Queen made me cum in the beginning of this month, the counter marking my cum-free days had reached 11 days. Considering what had happened during the previous month, both of us naturally hoped I would return to my over-horny state. Unfortunately that hasn't happened.

Don't get me wrong. The teasing Queen gave to me last weekend felt great and I'm deeply grateful to her for it. However, considering the fact that at that point the day count was about the same than at the time of my previous ejaculation, I should have been more horny. And I do mean about-to-cum-in-my-pants horny.

During the last few days I have consciously tried to find that same horniness, same ecstasy and frustration that so much dominated my last month, but with very little success. The feeling of orgasmic build-up, the rising ecstasy that washes over you like a wave, but never the actual release, only agonizing frustration. I miss it.

Like I said, I have done some libido searching the past couple of days. That has included browsing through erotic images and other material, contemplating my inability to wank, or cum without a permission, wearing very little or loose clothing, even different stimulation techniques that can't be called actual wanking, but none of it hasn't triggered the horniness.

Even the weather is perfect. That is, in the beginning of last month the rising temperature and summer seemed to have an effect on me. This time, despite the fact that heat wave is supposed to last another two weeks, there's... nothing. Only very faint stirring.
  

One can only hope it returns to me some day. At the moment it seems it's either gone away, or is locked up somewhere deep inside me.

10.8.2015

Another weekend with the Queen. These days we are both rather busy and we have to plan long in advance if we want to see each other. This visit had been agreed upon quite a while ago.

However, thanks to mother nature this weekend there was no orgasming involved, a fact my Queen wasn't at all pleased. However, I assured her if that hadn't been the case, I would have spent most of the time with my face or fingers buried in her pussy.

Even though there was not much sex involved we found quite a lot of things to do, so much in fact there wasn't many idle moments. However, I must say it was very relaxing, not to have too much planned activities to fit in the mere couple of days, just time to spend with your loved one.

The visit also had a special significance for me, since My Queen hadn't visited my apartment for several weeks. This was due to an interior design, carpenting and organizing project I ended up starting some time ago. A beautiful woman can have an interesting effect on a male, sometimes.

Her visit also gave us the opportunity to sleep on my balcony. We had talked about it early on in the spring, but considering how cold this summer had been, the chances of doing so hadn't look promising. However, it seems this year the actual summer in Finland will take place in August, and we're currently having a small scale heat wave.

On Saturday we ended up doing an unplanned shopping trip to downtown. Among other places we ended in a clothing store, something that's usually considered a hell to a husband or a boyfriend. I had mentioned my Queen earlier I would be willing to accompany her on a such trip some day, and I must say I rather liked the feeling, almost as if I had been her girlfriend instead of a man.  

It also felt very good  in other respects as well. I have mentioned to my Queen on several occasions how much I enjoy doing shopping or running errands with her. I have been in relationships before, but never before have things like that been this... easy. I feel so comfortable and safe being with her.

My Queen, on the other hand, seemed to appreciate the fact that the people she was with paid attention to her needs or wishes, a thing it seems she's apparently not that accustomed to. Early on during our shopping trip for example she mentioned me she wasn't feeling very well, which made me to cut short the visit to the store we were at the moment, and suggest her we head for somewhere to eat. For me doing a thing like that was only natural.

I may also mention my Queen bought me three pairs of boxer shorts from the store I mentioned. We had discussed it earlier, and she had said she quite likes seeing me in those. However, the pairs she bought turned out to be perhaps... shall we say a bit too fitting on me. Most likely I will wear them only in her presence, when she so wishes, since they do flatter my ass and small package quite nicely.

On a relationship level we made one of two advancements as well. That is, I got to show her a couple more episodes of Star Trek. I got to do it the first time in May, but since then we've both been rather busy.

Even though my Queen is a geek as well, Star Trek is virtually unknown franchise to her. Therefore I have had the chance to slowly familiarize her with it. We begun in May with "Emissary", spotlighting Worf and K'Ehleyr, one of my favorite supporting characters in the series.

This time I showed two episodes to her, "Who Watches The Watchers" and "Up The Long Ladder". Partly since they are both my favorite episodes as well, but also since they both spotlight captain Picard, and some degree also commander Riker, quite nicely and illustrate what Star Trek is all about. My Queen seemed to enjoy them both.

We also watched a couple of episodes of 'Allo 'Allo, a British series I have told her about many times but that's unknown to her. When I got to show it her the first time, she said she found it amusing, so this time we ventured further in the saga of the fallen madonna with the big boobies.

I have gone on and on about boring relationship stuff, but there was some... interesting activity involved as well.

I had mentioned several times to my Queen I would like her to some day apply bladder torture on me. I have done it dozens and dozens of times on myself while I have been masturbating, and like you know, I have done it with her virtually once. But I have never done it with her live, nor with any other person.

Basically the technique includes me drinking a lots and lots of water, which then fills my bladder and many times my abdomen as well. As the discomfort grows, the brain mixes the urge to cum and urge to pee. The feeling of full bladder makes you want to masturbate faster and faster, since the mind somehow thinks cumming would ease the pain in one's bladder.  Finally the pain in your bladder is so intense you think you go insane.

Most amusing and in the same time horrifying part is what happens after ejaculating, taken the session includes one. If you've let yourself really go wild with the water, the most painful part takes place only after the climax. At that point the pain suddenly loses its erotic value, and you just want to pee, but you are unable to do so right away, since the penis is usually a bit swollen after the ejaculation.

I drank during a couple of hours what must have been almost two to three liters of ice cold water. We started off by me drinking a huge jar of water (0,6 liters) at one go, but by the end we did it so that my Queen held my king size mug filled with ice water in her hand and made me to drink from it the through a straw, and keep doing it until she said stop.  

Even though there wasn't cumming involved this time, we did end up doing some very extreme torture session. The thing is, the bladder torture is a very, very effective method of causing extreme pain to a male.

What was most amazing was the fact that my Queen really seemed to get into it as well. As soon as she realized how easy it was to cause pain on me through my bladder she begun experimenting on me, trying out how to hurt me the most, and to make me howl in pain the loudest.

Like I've told you earlier, my Queen isn't a natural sadist, but she has said it's fun "to get a reaction out of me", no matter whether the reaction is caused from pleasure or pain. After our little session she said quite she liked the fact that torturing my bladder caused way better reactions than orgasming or being close to one.

I love her so.

As we waited for the water to take effect I also volunteered to give my Queen a back rub, something she had hinted she would like to receive at some point. It felt to romantic and submissive thing to do, to service her while we waited my bladder to fill up enough for her to start torturing me.

During the weekend there was also mild edging performed on me. As surprising as it was, I enjoyed it even more than the bladder torture. Not so much the feeling, but rather the fact that it was my Queen doing it to me.

It is now a week since I was allowed to have an orgasm by her hands, and since then I haven't had permission to touch myself at all, in a sexual manner that is. Therefore if naturally felt good when my Queen started playing with and examining my limp penis, especially considering her prior hesitancy.

This time she tried out a new technique teasing me and my limp penis, sort of rolling it between her palms. It seemed to be very effective and I think that if she had continued it, she could have made me to cum in under a minute. However, we both agreed that mere seven days would be "pathetically short time" to justify an orgasm.

She even applied something I call "stop and go routine" on me, a technique very familiar to me from porn clips. It basically consists of short amount of time of active teasing, and then "letting go" quite abruptly. The idea naturally being that over time the one doing teasing learns to read the signs and manages to push a male as close as orgasm as possible, without actually letting him reach it.

In this case the whole didn't last long, only a couple of short spurts, and I was nowhere near an orgasm, something I am very glad of course. However, this was the first time that routine was applied on me, making it very a special experience.  

I also mentioned to her afterwards that when and if she some day decides to give me an orgasm, that would be quite a good way to "ruin" it. Considering how horny I am, it is clear she couldn't continue it indefinitely, and most likely at some point my limp penis would just start spurting sperm, as it lay there, soft and without being touched in any way. A perfect ruined orgasm.

I have no desire to make my Queen end the current wank ban, of course. However, I have high hopes my Queen will continue using the technique in the future as well. The arrangement we have at the moment, in which it is forbidden for me to even touch myself and making her the sole source of my pleasure, feels... well, so very right.

I must be the luckiest man in the world.

3.8.2015

There is something I have to tell you all. Something pretty big. This all took place yesterday, but quite frankly I was so overwhelmed I wanted to wait a day to write down my thoughts.

I spent the last weekend with my Queen, because she had expressed her desire to spend time with me. She has been very busy, but this weekend she had no other plans. I decided it would be nice to comply with her wishes, even though I would have had other matters to attend to as well.

My intention was from the very beginning to make the weekend as pleasurable as possible for her, and I think I succeeded in it. Among other things I masturbated her to orgasm three times during the first night and performed her cunnilingus during the second, for the second time during our relationship in fact. Yes, I know, we have taken things slowly.

She also expressed she has been very horny lately, a thing I find extremely arousing, and apparently wanted me to do something about it. Lately there has been some issues in our relationship we have tried to work out, that must have affected to her horniness as well. During the last week or so she has started to masturbate more actively again, which always is very heart-warming to hear.

I originally planned leaving on Saturday, but finally ended up staying at her place one day more. At Sunday morning we were cuddling in the bed and she started playing with my penis. Like I've told you, I haven't had permission to touch it for over a week now, but that doesn't apply to her of course.

This was no small matter in other respects either, since she has had some reservations when it comes to touching or playing with it. One thing led to another and very soon I said the thing she was doing would make me cum very soon.

"Really?" she asked, in all seriousness, and I answered yes, keeping my eyes closed. She continued, using the same technique, and I realized I could do it, I actually could. The thing is I'm not good at orgasming while being played with, but what she did felt very good, not only physically but also when it comes to being relaxed with someone.

Also, I realized I somehow "owed" it to her, all things considering. She had known about my "project" for months, but had been very understanding. And considering her hesitancy, in a situation when she was actually playing with me for real, it would have felt very "wrong" to deny her my orgasm.

"Do you want to see me cum?", I asked, keeping my eyes shut, and panting a little, listening my own heart starting to race faster and faster. "Well, it would be interesting to see, I suppose", I heard her say, not stopping what she was doing. After that we said nothing.

I took some doing from my part, conscious "pushing" myself over the edge. But it wasn't nearly as hard as it had been on previous occasions. In fact it felt glorious, and I was filled with love towards my Queen.

That was the first time in over twenty-one months I orgasmed willingly, actually wanting to shoot my load. First time in almost two years.

Afterwards my Queen my said that I had looked quite "girly" when I approached orgasm, which in my book is always a good thing. I admit I didn't want to hold back, and tried to make it look as nice for her as possible. I do know she likes to see the reactions on my face, whether they come from pleasure or pain.

Also the fact I had very strong urge to just hold her afterwards reinforced the idea. Maybe I would have made a better woman than I make a man.

My Queen commented afterwards that she was surprised how "easy" it had been. I told her that this time she had the advantage of time, that is, me being very horny. But also that I've never felt this comfortable with any other woman.

Naturally I was also a bit mixed-up after the incident. For almost two years being in cum ban had been the one constant thing, the faithful companion in my so called sex life, a thing that had defined me. There had been a couple of slip-ups, granted, but no actual orgasms. Was it all over now?

My Queen said, that if I wanted I could keep the counter on, but the count would mark days since I last time had the liberty to cum whenever I like. Days since "the play", as she put it, had started. That's a one day to look at it.

We both also agreed keeping me in total masturbation ban in a future as well would be a very good thing to do. That will keep me focused on her needs, since the only way I can ever hope to have another orgasm is through hands. I know it seems to give her an awful lot of power over me, but at the same time it feels very right.

One must also remember, that even though the cum ban itself is now over in the way I have known it, during the least 21 months I have let sperm spill out of me only four times, and only on of those occasions have given me any pleasure. That's once every five months, or 160 days. Not bad even if I say so myself.

One thing that may interest some of you is how it felt afterwards? After all this time? Well, it felt... strange. I kept telling my Queen, as I hugged her, that I felt so empty down there. The aching I had become so accustomed to was gone. My testicles felt like an empty wine skin.

There was also a strange calmness. Feeling of not wanting to cum, not wanting anything, almost. Like you know, there has been couple of accidents in the course of last few months, but this was the first time the sensations weren't a signs of failure, or of my own weakness, something that made me mad at myself.

However, I admit that when the first signs of starting to get horny emerged mere hour or so later, I was very happy about it. My faithful friend, the aching sensation, the deep, yearning desire in my testicles hadn't left me, after all.

One could say the situation when it comes to my body is now pretty much what it was after the last accident. The batch that was inside my testicles has now been released, and the production has started once again. The testicles churn new stuff and try to make me to get it out as soon as possible.

In other words the next thing to look forwards is, once again, more waiting. Last time it didn't take much longer than a week to make me to go nearly insane with lust. One can only hope that will happen this time as well. At least I plan to torment myself as much as I can during the next week or so at least.

I have no idea when I will get to cum next time, and I'm pretty sure my Queen doesn't know it either. I can only hope it will be a long, long time in the future. Keeping the times I get to cum as far apart as possible seems to be a very working method.

After all I do want to be as horny and desperate as possible when my Queen next time wants to play with me, and if she decides to let me cum, to offer her another entertaining show.

Whenever that happens.