18.8.2018

I think it is time for an update. In my previous post I told you about an interesting new development in my cumming schedule. The idea was that I was would cum once a day, with no exceptions. No matter whether I wanted it myself, or had time for it, I was to orgasm daily for eight whole weeks. 

Considering there was once a time I was used to cum daily, at first it seemed there was nothing out of the ordinary in the new cumming regime. Despite the fact that lately the most frequent cumming pace for me had been an orgasm once in four or five days. 

For the first few days it felt great. As I was pulling my limp penis daily I enjoyed the feeling of being used it created. "I have to do this, it's not up to me", I thought. After all, I had never been under obligation to cum, at least not in this degree.

Surprisingly quickly, however, the arrangement lost it appeal and stopped being fun. One day being sad or too busy and I ended up having to do it twice the next day. Pretty soon cumming became a labour, a distasteful responsibility.

I do want to assure I did take the "prescription" my friend gave me very seriously and did my best to follow it. I continued it as long as I could, but by the end of the second week of my mandatory cumming regime I realized it just wasn't for me.

The arrangement might have worked under different circumstances. That is to say, if I'd had a girlfriend who would had set it, or even a chat acquaintance who I could be in contact daily. Someone who could have checked in on me to inquire whether I had already taken care of the day's task, and if I wasn't, to make sure it got done.

It seems chastity, or cum denial. is now either a permanent part of my sexuality, or an addiction I cannot quit. As I cummed on 31st of last month, knowing it would be the last for a while, I felt better immediately, more peaceful and calm I had been in ages.

A few days later the feeling of horniness and the familiar ache within my testicles returned. It may be what some people call "blue balls", something one feels only prolonged need to cum creates. For me it was an old friend or a companion that has joined me once again on my journey, a friend I had missed. 

It has bow been a couple of weeks since my last cum, and especially during the past couple of mornings I have woken up extremely horny, and had nice amounts of erotic dreams as well. On some mornings I have even ended up humping the bedsheets extremely frustrated, which is always a good sign. 

I believe this is at least partly thanks to exposing myself to quite a lot of porn daily. I also have the habit of keeping my porn Tumblr continuously open as I'm on my computer, to provide me a steady stream of erotic images to view, or to edge to.

No matter the reason behind it, my newfound horniness pleases me greatly. After all, the last thing I would want for my chastity to be easy. The whole point in denying oneself orgasms, in my opinion at least, is to make one (or at least ones body) desperate to cum and to enjoy the desperation not letting it cum creates.

The best part in my new ban is naturally the fact I have no idea how long it will last. There is no plan, no set release date. That feeling of uncertainty, a feeling of adventure, fills me with such anticipation and joy.

Even though I have no definite plans I do have a good feeling about this ban, a feeling it could be a longer one. After all, I feel I have cummed way too much this year already, so much one could say I am sick and tired of it.

Simply the idea of getting to do a nice, long denial period reaching double digits and last a few months at least, is extremely exciting. I do understand it's a slippery slope, though, and longer the ban continues, the less I desire to end it.

Many people may ask themselves isn't this lonely? Shouldn't I try to find someone in charge of my orgasms rather than denying myself? Well, of course this is lonely, utterly lonely. And yes, of course I shouldn't be in control of my orgasms. But in a way I feel denying myself is the next best thing for me, at the moment.

23.7.2018

It seems my cumming regime just got a new turn. It is an unexpected and not entirely unpleasant one, but at at the same time something that will be quite a challenge to me.

As most of you know I have kept a diary of my orgasms or lack of them, dating all the way to 2012. You all also know I'm heavily into chastity and have had incredibly long chastity periods in the past.

I have been involved the past few months in a project that's taken a lot of my time and energy. Because of it I have had to "give in" to the needs of my body, and to start cumming once in 5 to 6 days, to get my mind off sex and to be able to concentrate.

The project is now over, and a couple of days I asked a Domme I know what I should do now. Should I start denying myself properly again, or give in to my body whenever it so wishes?

The problem is that since I'm single there isn't anyone controlling my orgasms. I have therefore felt extremely bad for having the orgasms I've had, since I feel I shouldn't be the one who decides whether I cum or not. After being in cum bans of varying length since 2013, the act of cumming without permission just feels... wrong.     

My friend thought the question over and a minute said that since I have a habit of brooding and periods of melancholy she prescribed an orgasm a day for me...

...for the next eight weeks.

"We will see how you feel after that", she added.

I am well aware she could have given me an equally long chastity period as well, which I would have accepted gladly. But that's the beauty of giving over the control of your sexual functions to someone else.

The picture below is a chart of all my orgasms I've had this year. The red dots indicate ban days, the green ones cum days, the black dots ruined orgasms and the magenta ones the beginning of my mandatory cumming routine.



As you can see from the chart I really haven't cummed that much this year, even though it feels to me I have done so an awfully lot. In fact I have only begun to realize what sort a commitment following my Domme friend's prescription actually is. 

After all, it's been almost four years since I've last had the possibility to cum that often, and even before I started chastity play there was days I just didn't feel like masturbating. Never in my life I've had an obligation to masturbate daily. 

At least I haven't cummed nearly as often I am now supposed to. No matter whether I have time or energy for it, no matter if a want to cum. No matter where I am. A cum a day, period. By the time we get to the end of the eight week period it will be fall already.

Like I said, this will be a challenge for me, and I sincerely hope I can keep up with the new routine. At the same time I am extremely happy, not because I get to cum but because it is not me who is control of my orgasms. Since that is the way it's supposed to be, after all. 

Already there has been more than one occasions when I wouldn't have even liked to masturbate, but done so anyway, because I have to. To feel your own hand pulling on your limp clit, and knowing it has nothing to do with whether I want it or not, is extremely arousing. It also makes one to feel wonderfully used.

9.7.2018

I have a creative dilemma.

I have more or less surrendered to the needs of my body and cum more or less regularly now, about once in five days. That's much less than in 2012, when I begun the chastity play and had used to cumming daily, but much, much more than what's been the norm during last six years.

In fact I have started cumming so often it's been quite a while I have even bothered to set my chastity counter on my blogs. And that is totally unacceptable. Everyone visiting any of my blogs deserves to know exactly how long has it been since my last ejaculation, to the minute, right?

I wish I didn't have to cum this often. The main reason I do it is to get my mind off sex, and to be able to concentrate on other things, above all the project I'm in charge of. Usually I try to postpone it as long as possible, which is easy for a certain amount of days due to the fact I am so busy.

However, usually after five or so days I get too distracted and stressed out and my body takes control. I have to take my limp little clit into my hand and start pulling on it. Usually at that point I am filled with feelings of shame as well as being incredibly turned on, from the mere fact what I am doing.

Usually it doesn't take me very long to spill my sissy seed. At the moment of ejaculation, or immediately after it, as I pant face flushed, I usually curse my body, hating what it forces me to do. My seed is usually very watery and there's no more than a few drops of it. At that moment all that excitement and huffing and puffing seems so pointless.

But what about my creative dilemma then?

Well, as you know, my favourite way of enjoying porn is to write it myself, and there is a longish story I have tried to finish for several months now. The problem is by the time I start masturbating I am usually so horny I manage to write only few lines before I spill my seed.

On the other had if I wrote it without being horny it would show in the end result. For the text to... well, feel right, to be steamy enough I need to be horny, and to masturbate as I write it. The text needs to be born out of my horniness, for it to be able to reflect my innermost, most deepest, darkest and most perverted fantasies. Fantasies that are pure me, the part I want to expose to the world.

I do know the answer to my dilemma would be to edge more, but not to cum. It wouldn't take more than a promise to myself to achieve it. I could even start a longer chastity period again. The idea fills me with such excitement.

I miss the feeling one gets after being chaste so long one forgets what cumming even feels like, but feels sexual nevertheless. I miss the time when I was able to edge 12 or 24 hours in a row without cumming, and still knowing I wouldn't cum, since it would spoil everything.

However, at the moment I am too stressed out and busy for it, too much a slave to my libido and my sissy testicles. Truth to tell, it's been extremely hard even to write this post, and not to start masturbating. Even though it's been less than 24 hours since the last spill.

Perhaps I should cum as much as my body needs to, until the project is finished, which will take palce in less than a week's time, knowing I will award myself with a long and purifying chastity period as soon as it's over?

4.7.2018

I think I should share something with you that may or may not interest you. It's not strictly speaking anything erotic, nor does it have much to do my sexuality, as such. But it is nice public exposure, in more ways than one. And you all know how much I like exposing myself and what goes inside my perverted little mind to you.

The thing is, lately I have seen quite a lot dreams in which I am nude in public. Nudity isn't as big a taboo over here where I live, than in say USA or rest of the Europe, but personally I have never been that comfortable with it. That applies to my nudity dreams as well, and I usually find them humiliating. Not in a good way that is.

But lately there has been a lot of them. However, it doesn't take a Sigmund Frood to figure what they're about. They're about the project I'm involved in. It's a pretty high profile thing, and I am constantly worried how it is seen from outside, how the scene sees it, and me, since I'm the one in charge.

So yes, since I feel I'm center of the attention, which is not usual for me, "naked" in the eyes of the others, that gets reflected in my dreams. What's weird though I haven't been nearly as ashamed in my dreams as I should be. 

The dreams aren't sexual, not the tiniest bit. Somehow I just end up walking in public places nude in the dreams, or I get nude in public. But the weird thing is I don't seem to be ashamed of it. Not in the least bit. 

"Yes, I'm here stark naked, wow. All these people can see me nude. Okay, so what?" Or: "Yes, I am changing clothes in front of a lot of strange young women. You can see my penis, so what? Yes, I know it's tiny. You haven't seen one as tiny before?"

I can only suspect it means that in terms of the project I'm in charge of I have managed to build some degree of... well, self-esteem, or guts. I know everyone is looking at me, but I'm dealing with it.

30.6.2018

This is my first blog post in "Chaste Diary" in more or less six months. Many of you may have wondered what has happened to me. Rest assured, I'm still here. Still exploring my femininity, still building up my wardrobe and trying to make my everyday look as girly as possible, still feeling edging is the thing a sissy should do instead of sex or even cumming. I have  been very busy and stressed the past months which has left me all too little time or energy to do so as much as I would have liked, though.

I never made a conscious decision to stop maing blog posts. It just felt in the beginning of the year I had nothing interesting, hot and steamy to tell you about, no new developments in defining my newfound sexuality, no new toys, no new adventures in the sissyland.

And the longer the pause became, the more I felt I should make some sort of big update of my life. And since writing one felt such a big task I kept putting it off. And the longer I put it off the harder it became. You all know how it goes.

I have, however, done a lot of thinking when it comes to gender, sexuality and the roles men and women have in our society, and I will do a post about it at some point. But there's way too much to say on the subject to go into it now.

I will, however, amuse you with another funny little thing, namely my penis. Or to be more precise, a new word I recently made up for it, and a one that I hope will catch on. I think the word descreibes the littl thing dangling between my legs perfectly, and I would just love using it.

The word is penisette.

Penisette is almost like a penis, but smaller. I like the word much more than "dicklette", which implies it has something to do with a real dick. Penisette sounds small, cute, soft and weak. As a proud owner of a penisette I hope it would catch on. I would just love using it.

“Cocklette” has the same issues than dicklette. I would be very uncomfortable using a word with "cock" in it to describe my little dangly part. I often use the word “clit” when speaking of my soft member, but with the world being as binary as it is, people (mostly heterosexual men) often get confused at that point. With penisette there aren't such problems.

What defines penisette isn't merely it’s size, but also it’s use. Penisette rarely is involved in intercourse or appears uncovered in the vicinity of a vagina. The owners of ones mostly relieve the sexual tension by rubbing their penisettes to achieve a some sort of seminal discharge.

That means, in plain terms, they do not get to fuck. Owners of a penisette do not get laid, or at least not very often.

That is not only because of the size of the member between their legs, because after all, there are other means a male can give woman an orgasm. Just as big factor is the mere existence of a penisette, the knowledge they have one.

Because of it they see themselves as inferiors, so called beta males. Males with penisettes simply lack the self-esteem and confidence to approach women. Their penisettes keep them single and without girlfriends.

Many times having a penisette leads only the feelings of inferiority but to sexual submission as well. In fact, the owners of penisettes also often get enjoyment from being sexually denied, and kept sexually frustrated. It is hard to say whether this is true in all cases, but is my case. My penisette has made me the sub I am.

One could even say this is the healthy way to deal with one's inferiority, to make it a fetish and a source of power and sexual energy, as well as a means to express it, by embracing your inferiority. The more destructive way is trying desperately to prove your mandhood to your own as well as the opposite sex, in many negative ways I don't want to go into here.

Often this also involves a need to be “locked up” by a some sort of chastity device. Many owners of penisettes, however, make the mistake of purchasing at first a cage designed for actual penises, which are way, way too big for penisettes. I own a nicely fitting one, but it took me some time to find one that’s small enough.

With penisettes being as small they are there is usually no need for extra space. In fact, the best cage for a penisette is one in which the penisette is pressed into the smallest amount of space possible, to create an incredibly secure and comfortable feeling. My tiny cage is about the size of the head of my penis, but it doesn't need no more room than that.

Naturally, many men with actual size, real penises, some of which even deserve to be called “cocks” do share the same fetish, as well. Their “need to be locked up” may be even more real and necessary than with those of us with penisettes.

The owners of penisettes also often keep them shaved. Not only does it look slightly bigger that way, or it can be at least seen that way, but it makes their owners to feel extremely feminine as well. The thing is, many owners of penisettes have developed a fetish for wearing female clothing and other types of “sissy” behavior.

In many cases this doesn't happen until they are middle-aged. My guess is it takes time to accept you are not actually a man, after years and years of trying to live up to it, and failing. After an owner of a penisette realizes this he usually becomes happier and more content when it comes to his role in life. Or her role, perhaps.

In some cases a penisette is also defined by its ability to get erect. The reasons for this can be various. In my case it is a combination of type one diabetes, age and most likely also psychological factors. But the good thing is, it is not supposed to get erect. I have gotten a great amount of joy from this fact over the years.

Penisette exists, not to get hard, or to have sex. Or at least that is not it’s primary or most suitable function. It’s there for its owner to play with it, which is great fun, perhaps to edge it hours in a row, perhaps to inflict pain by it in various wonderful and inventive ways, or simply to be ridiculed because of it.

The existence of a penisette is, after all, a constant reminder for anyone having one, of one’s place and role in the world.

24.12.2017

Originally I had no intention to make a separate Christmas Eve post this year, or if I did, to do it about the new anal toys Santa brought me. There won't be many of them though, due to the fact the only person in my life that cares me enough to give me naughty presents is me, or nice for that matter.

Then a sudden inspiration hit me. I started to write a comment on Fetlife, and the next thing I knew I had written out a semi-elaborate fantasy long enough even for a blog post. The group in question was for "chronic masturbators", but the post I wrote my comment on was about medical fantasies.

Since it's Christmas, I decided to post my little fantasy here, as well. I suppose the more proper place for it would have been my fiction blog, but I'll bend my own rues a bit this time. The story combines elements from my fantasies, as well as several stories I have either read or written, but was never able to finish. I hope you like it.


I'm a fan of medical fantasies. Hospitals seem to take away one's basic rights, and make you a part of a system, that has control over you and your bodily functions. When you're in a hospital, you're not a human being anymore, just a piece of flesh. It is not a small wonder nurses and doctors are a fetish for many.

In my fantasy I am admitted to a hospital, perhaps an infertility clinic. The female staff informs me, that as long as I'm there I am not to wear any clothing, or to appear outside my room other than on all fours. I am, for all intents and purposes, made a slave for the entire staff. I am being subjected to various humiliating procedures, the least of which is not being forced to give out the sperm samples regularly while being observed by a member of the female staff every time.

Imagining things like that have always fed quite nicely my need to be humiliated semi-publicly, even to be treated as an inanimate object without rights or a will of my own. Also, due to being a type one diabetic I have had a fair share of experiences of hospitals and nurses, and it is quite easy for me to imagine a number of humiliating experiences that take place in a such setting.

Soon masturbating and ejaculating loses all its erotic quality for me. It is merely a thing I do when I'm being told to, without thinking it twice. I get used to doing it while being observed by a person or several of them, without any kind of privacy, even to do it in a hospital corridor while I'm waiting my turn to be called in for yet another humiliating experience. Masturbating and ejaculating are normal bodily functions, the nurses tell me, and it would do good for me to get rid of all the shame and inhibitions about it.

At one point it is decided I will be given shots to my testicles. At first I am apprehensive, but the nurses assure me it's for my own good. After the first shots I am being told this is a part of an important experiment, and the drug will increase the amount of semen being produced there. This in turn increases my horniness and forces me to empty my testicles even more often than before. 

The more shots I am being given the heavier and fuller my testicles feel, very soon making me to masturbate continually. All the semen is being collected, "for examination purposes" the nurses tell me. I am also informed that all my masturbating will be filmed, and I do some of it in a kind of medical theater, with the whole staff observing. 

If this was a short story, it would be necessary to make the protagonist object to what's happening to him, to fight back, even for a little bit. However, the nurses explain carefully to the protagonist, to me that is, there isn't anything wrong here, and I should stop complaining. They are doing their very best to cure my infertility, and I am not helping. Soon I understand it would be best just to comply.

Time passes, and days turn into weeks and months without me even realizing it. I am in fact quite content with my life inside the institution. Constantly masturbating and cumming isn't that bad a life, after all? Even doing it semi-publicly is something one gets used to amazingly quickly.

Finally, however, I am being told that everything that has happened, or the whole experiment, has in fact had nothing to do with curing my infertility. Instead my semen has been used as a raw material for making high-quality shoe polish for women. The hospital makes some of its profits this way, and my testicles have reacted to the new drug extremely well. Also, the cum my testicles produce has an extremely low sperm count, making it an excellent raw material.

I am also being told there is nothing unethical let alone illegal about the whole process, because it has being done under the consent of my wife. As soon as it was found out how well my testicles responded to the drug, and how low the sperm count in my cum was, they signed a contract that gives the hospital full authority over me, and my wife a fair share of the profits.

They also tell me my wife has no desire to continue her life with me, because it is now certain no miracle cure will increase the sperm count in my semen, and I will never be able to father a child with it. And why would the hospital even want to do it? The cum my testicles now produce benefits it, and my wife, far more than I ever could. Let alone all the happy customers using the product. 

I admit this part of the fantasy has always seemed a bit implausible for me personally, since I've never had a wife, or even a girlfriend who I could picture in that role. But "the evil wife" seems to be a very common trope in a stories written by and for submissive males, and the story needs it, so I'll let it be. But it could be the protagonist's evil girlfriend as well, or evil mother, or even an evil big sister. Who knows, perhaps all of them together.   

After some time passes again I am being informed that despite my constant masturbating I am too ineffective getting all the sperm out of my testicles myself. That is, too ineffective for the hospital to make the kind of profit in needs to. It turns out the new shoe polish is in high demand, and both the hospital and my wife have come to the conclusion the production needs to be speeded up. 

Therefore I am being taken out of the hospital and brought to the shoe-polish making facility itself. I am being wheeled into a huge factory hall and a huge apparatus that covers my whole groin area is being lowered from above. I am being attached to the milking machine and it starts to masturbate me continually, as well as inject my testicles with the drug regularly. 

The technicians leave, the nurses leave without saying a word, and I look around me. There are tubes going from the apparatus to huge tanks where my sperm is being stored. I have no option that just to lay there, unable to move, and turned into a human semen cow.


Merry Christmas!

16.11.2017

Last night my special friend and I had our first virtual date. We had been talking about it for quite some time, and it had been postponed once already due to her schedules, so it's nice we finally managed to do it. It is the first virtual date of my life, as well as my first date as a girl. In a way it was my first actual date ever.

For the occasion my special friend gave me an order to post the following on Facebook and elsewhere on social media, after I had suggested it would be nice to do something like that. The thing is, now and then I have noticed posts from my fellow pervs that must have been done for their Mistresses.     

Under orders from my Owner I want everyone to now I haven't had a single orgasm after October the first. During the course of that 45 days she has had 258 orgasms, making the ratio between my orgasm and hers 0,0039. She also wants me to inform me you all I have wasted my time by masturbating for approximately four hours so far.

I also designed a new cover picture for my Twitter and Facebook accounts, and changed the color scheme of the former and my Tumblr account, for the occasion, and as a present for my friend. The thing is, we have chosen teal as the colour code for my friend on my chastity calendar, and we've both been very excited to have her colour to gradually fill it. So, naturally it was more than fitting to use it elsewhere, too.

You can see the Twitter cover picture I designed here. I was very pleased to hear my friend like her gift very much.

The date itself was very lovely, even though we had a couple of technical setbacks, and I had great difficulties deciding what I should wear for my first date as a girl, even a virtual one. I finally settled to my black knee-high socks, black stockings, my black mini-skirt, and a rather fabulous looking, shiny and velvety, burgundy coloured top I haven't had chance to use yet, and narrow black stud decorated "slave necklace". 

I looked, even if I say so myself, extremely fuckable in my outfit. As well as incredibly gay. To add the fun I had also suggested I could wear my t-shaped anal toy and my extra-tiny chastity cage for the occasion, a suggestion my friend loved.

During our date we watched one movie and a one documentary, The Miracle at Morgan's Creek (1944) and Celluloid Closet (1995) the both of which I had suggested for us to watch.

The first is a very much a child of its time, but also a very unusual movie because the subject matter is premarital sex and pregnancy, even though not technically. It's a classic screwball comedy full of great performances and unconventional female characters, as well as one male one, and it has always been one of my favourites,

The latter is a documentary that deals with how homosexuality has been dealt with in mainstream Hollywood movie, from the silent era to mid 1990's. I have seen the documentary a numerous times, but it was a very profound experience for me.

Not only it is a great and powerful documentary, but this time I have a whole new angle to it, as you may guess, after having understood I am actually genderqueer myself. To watch the documentary in girly clothes and a toy in my ass added a whole new level to the watching experience, too.

We discussed them both after and between the movies, and to my satisfaction my friend liked them a great deal. Since my friend is a bi and genderqueer herself the documentary hit very close to her as well. She said she has now a long list of movies to watch, and thet she wants to show the documentary to her queer friends, which I am very glad to hear. 

After our discussion we gradually moved on to more steamy subjects, but my friend said she didn't want me to remove my tiny cage just yet. She said she is going to masturbate herself to several orgasms, and wanted me to describe how I pictured her fucking me at the end of our date night. She wanted my attention to be on that, not on pulling my clit.

"I love cumming when you're locked up, it heightens it a little", she said.

"Well", I begun. "I think first you would tell me to go and remove the panties, and preferably the top too. I could also use some of your bras, to make me look more girly, if that's okay to you. After that you would send me to get some lube, because it would be high time to stop playing around."

She would lay on the bed, waiting and idly caressing her strap-on. I would return, in my knee high socks and miniskirt and bra, looking like a real sex slave. She would tell me to lube her cock, since "no fucking way she is doing it for herself, if there's someone like me to do it for her".

I would put lube on her cock, and then but my hand to it, gliding it up, and down... up and down. She would look at this approvingly, and after a while say: "Okay, hop on it". She would look at my astonished face and continue: "You didn't think I would be doing the hard work? Think again. I want to see what you look like when you're impaled by my massive cock."

I would look for a towel but she would just say: "Forget it, wipe it on yourself" and I would do so. Gingerly I would straddle her, and start guiding the tip of her cock to my pussy opening. She would smirk, clearly enjoying the situation.

Then, after I have managed to put the tip the right place, I would start lowering myself, by letting my weight do the work. I would let out a long: "Oooooooooohhhhh..." and saw her smile ever broader. It would feel so good. I would feel so full. Filled completely by her.

I would lift myself a few times, and then lower myself again. My legs would be spread wide as I leaned backwards. I would notice her looking at my tiny shiny cage and smile, if possible, even more broadly.

I would enjoy her looking at my caged clit, as well as my deliciously full balls. "I'd like to take a grip of them as I cum", she said at this point, in real life this time. "Please do", I said. "I want you to do it." She would reach over and a wide smile would find itself on my face. "That feels good", I would say. "Please, squeeze them good."

"Lean forward" she would say after a while, letting go. "I want you closer. I would do as I am told, put my hands flat on the bed, and start riding her cock, our faces only a little distance from each other. "This feels so good", I would say, as I let my ass glide up and down on her huge cock.

"Your cock feels so good inside me. If fills me so well. You have the most magnificent cock, my love." She would keep her arms behind her neck and smile, enjoying the show. "Why, thank you", she would say and smirk. "Keep going. I will tell you when to stop. I love watching my slut fuck herself on my cock. I could watch it forever."

After a while she would glide her fingertips and nails on my skin. The sides of my legs, under my short skirt, and cupping my soft and hairless ass cheeks. Then coming to the front and taking a good hold of my cage and testicles. Up my belly, and under the bra, giving my nipples a good twist. So hard I would yell out loud.

"Please..." I would say." She would sigh, irritated. "Shut up. I'm having fun here. In case you meant, please do it harder." I would nod. "Y-yes. I meant just that. Please hurt me more. Please pinch my nipples harder." Then she would do just that and I would let out a long wail. "God I love you!" I would say, and hear her chuckle. "I love you too, my love."

Finally her hands would go to up to my shoulders and squeeze the muscles there, hard like a butcher. "Mmmmmm...You have such nice muscles here" she would say. "Who would have believed... Such a sissy. You must work out or something. I love how muscular and at the same time girly these are. Smooth, pale, white and flawless..."

"Just like these", she would say as her fingers and fingernails start to descend, over my strained biceps. She would squeeze them, so that her fingernails dig into the pale skin. "I told you I like nice arms. Yours are so beautiful I'd like to eat them."

Then she would start to go up again, over my shoulders and up to my neck. Her fingers would go into my full, long hair and take a good hold of it. "You didn't lie. This is pretty long already. Just the kind of hair that is nice to take a good hold of. And it's nice and long in the back too. I can't wait for us to get it even longer."

I would nod. "Me neither", I would say and see her smile. "You can't wait to look like a real girl, don't you?" she would continue. "So that everyone would see it, so that you wouldn't be able to hide it from anyone?" I would nod again and gasp "Exactly, my love. I want the whole world to see I'm  a girl".

"Come here and kiss me", you would say and I would lean down, and we would have a long, desperate tongue kiss, us both incredibly horny. "God I love you so", she would say as well break it. "I love you so for doing everything I tell you. I love you so for letting me to keep you forever denied. And above all, I love you for doing it willingly and eagerly. The mere thought makes me so wet. Now, continue fucking."

I would do as I am told and continue fucking her huge cock. She would put her hand to my hair again, then let them to go over to play with my ears. She would smirk as she starts circling her index fingers around at the opening of my ear, and seeing the effect it has on me. Seeing me go completely nuts.

"Oh, you'd like me to penetrate you here as well?" she would say. "The fact that my cock is impaling your sissy asshole isn't enough?" I nod. "No, it i-isn't", I say. Please fuck me in the ear." She would sigh again. "Such a greedy little slut", she would say disapprovingly, and slide both of her fingers into my ears.

Immediately my eyes close, my mouth opens and if she didn't know better she would most likely think I had just cummed. "Ohhhhhhhhhh", I gasp. "Please... just like that. Please fuck me in the ears. Let me be your total slut." After she stops I hear her chuckle. "You are my total slut. I don't have to fuck your ears to know that. But it's so fun to play with you."

Then she would slide her index fingers over my hot cheeks to my mouth. "Open", she would say and slide both of your index fingers in, just in case there was any wax in them. "Lick", she would say and I would dutifully start licking both of them clean. You chuckle. "You really do anything I tell you to?" she asks. I nod, still riding on her magnificent cock. "Of course I would, because I love you."

"Mmmmmm, good girl", she would say and take my face into her hands. "You look so beautiful. Your skin is so flawless. And you look especially beautiful when you are being hurt, did you know that?" I shake my head between thrusts. "Well, now you do. Expect to be hurt a lot in the future because of that. And I mean a lot."

Then she would slide your hands to the sides of my head and take a good hold of my hair again. "Okay, let's see you fuck my cock real good and real fast. Let's do a grande finale, my love. I expect to see blood on my cock when you get up. If there isn't, you will regret it."

All through my little story there my friend remained mostly quiet, and informed me of her orgasms simply typing numbers: "1", "2", "3" and so on. I felt so used as I was typing, because I knew I wasn't getting any kind of physical pleasure out of this, I was simply providing sexual pleasure to someone else, I was a mere sex toy. I loved that feeling immensely.

Soon after her final orgasm my friend started to be ready to fall asleep, and finally did so, as she later said "her fingers in her panties and me in her mind". In the morning she also informed me she had masturbated herself to orgasm reading again what I had written. What can I say, it's nice to feel oneself useful.

That is also one of the reasons for me to make this blog post, to make what I written easier for her to find, and masturbate to later. I also hope other people may find the description arousing, perhaps even arousing enough to masturbate and cum to.

All in all, not the worst virtual date, wouldn't you say?